boyfriend advice pleaseeeeeeeee

[kattness]

ok i really need to get this out and seek advice for a boyfriend problem i have (very boring i know) but it would help me out alot.

3 months ago me and my boyfriend went to a party...blah blah... then i noticed he started looking at all the other girls...apart from of course me and this other girl, me and her are both bigger than the others.
it got to the point of him looking at this girl behide me n "checking out" (looking her up n down) in front of me while i was talking to him.

now here i am 3 months later and it really fucked me up....i have REALLY low selfestem (always have done) n i cant stop thinking about him wanting other girls.

i know it doesnt sound like a big deal but it plays on my mind so much, i have s/a and depression so of course i cant stop thinking about it. ive had BAD problems with guys before and i cant shake the fact that i could b alone forever if i dump this guy

he tells me hes crazy about him n that im "perfect" but i ALWAYS think hes liein n doesnt want me n is using me

am i just being paranoid n letting my depression n s/a get in the way or should i dump this guy?

im so fucking confused! :?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

boy can i relate to you! i always thought that b/f was just saying things to make me feel better while i felt like i was holding him back and that he wished he had a *normal* g/f.

unfortunately the only sure fire way to solve this is working on yourself esteem. if you know that he wants to be with you, without thinking anything negative about yourself, then you should stay and work on your self-esteem immediately! it's not somehting that can just be left ignored, one day it will affect the relationship and now's the time to work on it!

you don't have to be the most confident person in the world, but whatever you do, make sure that what you feel for yourself doesn't interfeir with the way he feels for you. and he DOES feel something for you, otherwise he would be with those other girls. stick with him and try to trust, it'll work out in the end. if you weren't worth anything, he wouldn't be with you, he CHOSE to be with you

 

[JoeRandomUser]

I understand completely what you're saying, kattness, this is a real probelm for me too. I'm a guy, but we go thru the same stuff -- I always feel that the person I'm with would rather be with someone more funny, or better looking, or whatever, than I am, so I end up getting scared and breaking things off preemptively before I've really given the relationship a chance. I've found that you can move from person to person, too, but until you learn to trust and love yourself, your problems will just tend follow...

This stuff is hard and I wish you the best, cause I know how awful it is to feel that way. I guess the best advice I can give is to look inside yourself and trust your instincts. Do what YOU feel is right, and try as hard as you can not to overthink it and regret! And listen to Chilling_Echo; she's got some good advice there, the self-esteem thing is right on the money IMHO.

 

[beautiful_soul]

I think he shoudln't look at girls when you are there with him in the same place!!! 8O
Anyway,if a guy do that to me I'll dump him in a minute!!(maybe in a few months)
but it's all about self steem,I can't go out with guys that care too much about other girls cause I'm still working on my self steem

sorry about my english
good luck! :wink:

 

[kattness]

i just dont understand why he needed to do that, just makes me think im no good. just prooves your point it being all about self-esteem,which i have none of.

But he did it infront of me, looking past me just to look at them.... i think theres a limit to this n that crosses it. he looked at slimmer girls( n ignorein the 2 bigger girls-one being me) making me think he wants me to be slimmer n blonder. i mean when he did that it just said a thousand things. i wouldnt dream of saying/doing "wow hes really nice huh excuse me while i ignore ur alive to star at him for awhile"

still dont know what to do though - keep him n wait for him to hurt me again? or give me a chance now hes nice n warned.

oh well thanks for your posts i still stop my bitter girlfriend rant

 

[fallenfeather]

relationships

Hi!

My opinion on this matter is that if he is in a relationship with you he should not be looking at other girls while he's out with you. It's not wrong for him to find other girls attractive, as he is human afterall, but to stare at them while he's in your company is darn right disrespectful to you.

When I'd been with my current girlfriend for a couple of months I noticed her staring at another guy in a desiring way and I said to her "you're checking out that guy aren't you?" And she laughed, thinking I was just being light hearted about it and thinking it was funny, which I wasn't, and she said "you know me too well". I said "obviously I don't" and then she realised I wasn't pleased at her disrespecting me like that. We had a bit of a row about it and then talked it through. That was over a year ago and since then she's never done it since. She realised it was disrespectful and a bit hurtful, but only when I got her to think of it from my point of view.

I said to her " how would you feel if I'd picked you up after a couple of weeks apart and you'd made yourself all pretty and I was sitting beside you holding your hand and staring at a more attractive girl accross the way in a really desiring way, not even listening to what you were saying to me?"

She said she'd feel hurt and it would make her think I didn't find her very attractive.

Sorry for the extremely long and dragged out post but I just wanted to say it how it happened.

Try to talk to your boyfriend about it and get him to imagine how it would feel if you did it to him.

After being screwed over by a girl in the past, trust and respect are two very important things for me to be in a relationship and little things like this only damage them.

I hope it works out

 

[BratBaby]

This is kinda what I am going thru now except me and my guy have only been dating a month now and everything has been fine I really care about him even said I love him which he has said too, he makes me feel good and happy.

but about a week ago he wouldnt talk to me for a couple days and I thought he was gonna break up with me from what he said to me so I was upset but I found out what was bothering him which was he thought my mother would make him uncomfortable in my home because she hasnt met him yet and is already judging him..we worked that out but now ive been doubting me, him and us which I told him last night on the phone,then he went to bed & i txt him that im sorry if ive been weird clingy or naggy i dont mean too and dont think I dont care about him just because I get afraid of what will happen in the future with us ill just relax and believe because i cant perdict the future.

Now i havent talked to him all day, tonight I left him a voicemail msg saying that i hope I didnt scare him away and that I do care about him and im gonna try n stop the doubting and that I love him a little bit (ive stopped saying I love you for now)

just dont feel ready yet to say it again which he says he doesnt care if I dont say it for a long time because he knows I do love him. I know I worry that he might find some other girl even though he says he's not and hasn't. This always happens to me I like a guy we start talking or in this case are b/f g/f and then I start with the doubts,before all the drama happened with my mother I didnt have any doubts and now Im worried my worrying is gonna push him away even though he says he loves me just the way I am. I know I didnt do anything wrong by telling him my thoughts or how I was feeling but still its bothering me that he hasnt talked to me today and I dont know why again!

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

ahh...
well- boys looking at other girls is kind of like reflex; although it would be in his best interest to be polite and try not to stare at least while you are looking. Looking does not equate to him 'wanting' other girls more than you-- it doesn't have to.

Jealousy is natural in this case but your insecurities will inevitably be your downfall if you let your feelings get out of hand.
Try talking to him about how you feel- then you'll be able to make a clear headed decision about weather or not you should just break up.

That is my advice.

 

[Srijita52]

A friend of mine has similar problem.She's sooo crazy for this boy but he's not committed to her at all!He always tells her that he's madly in love with her & all,bt he's always looking for other girls at her back,he even went to a few dates with some other girls while being in a relationship with her.He always tells us that she's just a doorstep to him.She knows that he's using her & she's really hurt about this fact,but she likes him so much that she just can't let him go.She used to be a very cheerful girl but now-a-days she's always depressed about him & the thing that makes me angry that it doesn't bother him at all!I'm seriously concerned about her,any suggestions on how can I help her?

 

[BratBaby]

as usual I was overthinking things and my b/f wasnt even mad or upset

 

[EnigmatiConduit]

You just need to talk to him about this - properly. Let him know it really is an issue for you, honestly and calmly do this. Some men are simply like that and won't change. Just try to communicate A LOT about it and if it still really doesn't change I suppose you have to work out what you really want from the relationship. There are guys that aren't pervy out there, maybe find one of those, you deserve his eyes attention.

 

[Remus]

OK who necro'd the thread? (2005)

PM me if you want to start a new thread, I'll split this thread and close the old one