Borderline personality disorder

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I think I have borderline personality disorder...it actually explains why I can't keep relationships and constantly change my views/opinion of others.

Does anyone else have that? :question:
And how do you cope? :O

 

[Hellhound]

I was misdiagnosed with it long ago. I believed it because I have some anger issues and fear of abandonment, but then I was relieved that it wasn't the case.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

Ah, I see. It's a relief you were misdiagnosed. Not that it's the hardest to cope with. Some people have it worse, of course. BPD just sucks because you're always misled by people. It's like one day you like this person and the next you don't because they didn't text you back and you think oh they hate me or something and get disappointed...It's more complicated, but that's the basics. As for the anger issues, I can definitely relate. Nothing new.

 

[anon47]

I suspect I may also be borderline as well as having social phobia, which is a CRAZY mix. There's been a number of times over the last 10 years where I've done something completely crazy and impulsive, and then my anxious side kicks in and I freak out about it forever.

I know what you mean about the idealizing and devaluing and aimless, lost feeling. I feel like the "malleability" could easily apply to both conditions. Borderlines will do anything to avoid abandonment, even if that means being easily swayed. Those with SA are usually too afraid to make waves and speak up, so they keep quiet. Similar reactions, but different motivations.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I suspect I may also be borderline as well as having social phobia, which is a CRAZY mix. There's been a number of times over the last 10 years where I've done something completely crazy and impulsive, and then my anxious side kicks in and I freak out about it forever.

I know what you mean about the idealizing and devaluing and aimless, lost feeling. I feel like the "malleability" could easily apply to both conditions. Borderlines will do anything to avoid abandonment, even if that means being easily swayed. Those with SA are usually too afraid to make waves and speak up, so they keep quiet. Similar reactions, but different motivations.

Yes, definitely! It's as though usually I wouldn't speak up when something happens because of SA, but then my BPD just pushes its way through and I act way out of character. I feel ashamed and start panicking only after realizing what I've done. I tell myself "what the hell were you thinking?"....

 

[otherside]

I did wonder if I have it, and i still do, a bit. I guess I'm somewhat "Borderline BPD". Instead, I'm being told I'm more bipolar II/Cyclothymic that borderline.

I know DSM lists aren't everything, but I have wondered by looking at the symptoms. But then a lot of things can be explained by bipolar, so I don't know. Bipolar II/Cyclothymia and Borderline are similar, and not easy to tell the difference between.

BPD is manifested by a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting."
Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
Chronic feelings of emptiness.
Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

The bits in bold are the bits I have. But you see, my mood instabilty lasts for days or weeks rather than hours, and there's a pattern to it, and usually no reason for the change in mood. Impulsitivity is a symptom of bipolar hypomania. But I've always wondered about why I seem to "idolize" or seem to get totally obsessed with someone and would pretty much worship them and make them an angel in there own vision, why I'm constantly paranoid about people "leaving me, hating me, plotting against me"...I don't know if I have it or not. Heck, my pdoc is somewhat useless as it is.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

Yeah, I totally know what you mean. It's a pain in the ass. Honestly it took me a long time to figure out what was wrong with me. I remember a few years back in high school I was looking up depression, cuz I realized i might be depressed. A year or so later I looked into it some more and found links about BPD and other things, such as SA....And realized that Oh **** ...I think I have both....They are both very conflicting disorders, as they are very different. It gets confusing trying to sort out what you have, but I'm kind of glad I did. Even though I don't know where to go from here....Hmm I actually do have trouble with my anger, and sometimes my mood swings don't even need a trigger....it is very strange.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I actually feel like i have this, moreso than sp. But i always hear people doubting bpds existance. At the same time, theres this impulsive part of me that changes rapdly and i dont see it in others. I cant explain it, i do things so out of character. Even my younger sis,who is like part of me, admitted theres something with me where i do things out of character and she feels like shell never totally know that part of me. I have no opinions basically because all opinions seem equaly valid, but when i agree or disagree i do so in extremes, often contradicting myself back n forth... it makes me prone to do anything on the spot but only shortly.

The thing that is most bothering is the idealizing/devaluing others' cycle change. Cept its normal w/ fam, and i have it worse with other peeps. Its so confusing like i can never define anything or anyone, or have a solid thouht. Let alone maintain a friendship, my idealization degrades and then somethng just happens i have to push away.These kinds of things can be manaed by health, i still think, you just have to stay in a healthy lifestyle as to not cycle like a maniac?

Sorry rant thing

 

[otherside]

Yeah, I totally know what you mean. It's a pain in the ass. Honestly it took me a long time to figure out what was wrong with me. I remember a few years back in high school I was looking up depression, cuz I realized i might be depressed. A year or so later I looked into it some more and found links about BPD and other things, such as SA....And realized that Oh **** ...I think I have both....They are both very conflicting disorders, as they are very different. It gets confusing trying to sort out what you have, but I'm kind of glad I did. Even though I don't know where to go from here....Hmm I actually do have trouble with my anger, and sometimes my mood swings don't even need a trigger....it is very strange.

If you're looking for answers, then start recording your mood, any sort of triggers, the amount of sleep you got in the night, medications. It can help teach you more about yourself, what causes that. The line between Bordeline/Cyclothymia Borderline/Bipolar II is so so small, and a lot of Borderlines also so have some sort of bipolar disorder. The thing I've seen time over time over though, is that there is a pattern or some sort of cyclic pattern to bipolar/cyclothymic mood swings and they happen for no obvious reasosn, wheras borderline mood swings are triggered, and there doesn't seem to be a pattern.

Cyclothymia is a form of bipolar, BTW, just in case you didn't know.

I actually feel like i have this, moreso than sp. But i always hear people doubting bpds existance.

Ranting is healthy, so don't worry about it.

People deny that mental illness exists, and it's generally best to just ignore them. They are not doctors, they are not psychiatrists and they most likely have not spent years studying illness, and therefore, they have absolutely no right to comment, and mental illness could hit them any day and it could be anyone of them who ends up in a psychiatric word for murderous-psychotic delusions, and they bigheaded attitude isn't going to prevent that.

BPD does exist. If you think you have it, then you need to see a Pdoc. BPD is hard to diagnose, a lot of people will always advise you to get a second opinion if one psychiatrists diagnoses you with it.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

S'okay. And yeah the whole extreme thing just irritates me beyond belief. I don't even act like myself for crying out loud. Sometimes I try to get someone's attention if I think they're cool and would like to know more about them. Then I try to find common grounds or decide I like something else because that person likes it. But then I say something stupid or get the wrong message from said person and everything is ruined. SA kicks in. Then I feel betrayed in a way. I don't really have my own views/opinion....But yeah I totally get what you mean! :3

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

If you're looking for answers, then start recording your mood, any sort of triggers, the amount of sleep you got in the night, medications. It can help teach you more about yourself, what causes that. The line between Bordeline/Cyclothymia Borderline/Bipolar II is so so small, and a lot of Borderlines also so have some sort of bipolar disorder. The thing I've seen time over time over though, is that there is a pattern or some sort of cyclic pattern to bipolar/cyclothymic mood swings and they happen for no obvious reasosn, wheras borderline mood swings are triggered, and there doesn't seem to be a pattern.

Cyclothymia is a form of bipolar, BTW, just in case you didn't know.



Ranting is healthy, so don't worry about it.

People deny that mental illness exists, and it's generally best to just ignore them. They are not doctors, they are not psychiatrists and they most likely have not spent years studying illness, and therefore, they have absolutely no right to comment, and mental illness could hit them any day and it could be anyone of them who ends up in a psychiatric word for murderous-psychotic delusions, and they bigheaded attitude isn't going to prevent that.

BPD does exist. If you think you have it, then you need to see a Pdoc. BPD is hard to diagnose, a lot of people will always advise you to get a second opinion if one psychiatrists diagnoses you with it.

Yes, I agree fully with that. I never actually thought that people doubted it existed, wow. But they have no right. What do they know about it?

 

[SilentBird]

Someone I knew was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She said she got diagnosed with that because it was inbetween other conditions that she didn't quite fit into.

 

[otherside]

Yes, I agree fully with that. I never actually thought that people doubted it existed, wow. But they have no right. What do they know about it?

There's people out there that will tell you "mental illness does not exist" and that you just need to "get over it" "grow up" "grow some balls" "get a life" and "stop attention seeking". I have come across somebody who has claimed to be a psychiatrist claiming this, unfortunately, having a post on his blog claiming that "Schizophrenia is just a label people try and gain to fit in somewhere" or something. I have my doubts about his psychiatry qualification. Illnesses like Borderline, Bipolar, Schizophrenia can be life threatening. 3/4 of people with BPD will hurt themselves, 10% commit suicide. I'm sure there's people out there that would still sniff there noses and reply that's it's hardly cancer. I couldn't really give a toss whether BPD is caused by a chemical imbalance or learnt behaviors or as a reaction to previous abuse in life...10% is a pretty high suicide rate as mental illnesses go, and you can bet the number of people that attempt it is higher. If that doesn't prove that there's a problem here and that it's real, I don't know what will.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

Yeah. My whole life people called me an attention seeker by the way I was acting. But that's only between group of friends, not strangers. I'm always too uptight around others. But I would try to get attention, then started self injuring. I started off as curious, but then kind of wanted to get a friend's attention so I told her I did it and showed her. She then called me a bad friend. I got really impulsive one time and almost lost my life...Haven't attempted anything impulsive in that category after that.

And facts are facts, they can't go off saying that it doesn't exist or people with BPD need to grow some balls. I'd like to see how they'd be able to control it. Ha! In times such as these, I start losing hope in humanity. How can they negate an illness? It's not as though we like to make up illnesses for fun, honestly.

 

[anon47]

Another parallel symptom has come to mind.

Thanks to my anxiety, I'm pretty much embarrassed to live. During the worst times, the simplest of tasks can be humiliating (such as shopping). I feel like no matter what I do, I end up looking like a literally mentally handicapped person, and it's degrading.

My solution?

Act like a ridiculous jackass and get all the embarrassment and humiliation out of the way. This has been my way of coping off and on for the last 10 years. I'll go from dressing totally frumpy and in dark tones to hide myself from the world, to suddenly dressing like Lady Gaga (and yes, I did it LONG before she began her shtick, so hipster of me). It's like I'm a real life cartoon character, and it's weird.

And of course, when I "switch" back to the introverted me, I look back at these impulsive incidents in horror, and withdraw from the world. It's as if someone else has taken over my body, my morals, persona and my identity changed without warning.

Borderline much? Perhaps. But as I explained, these seemingly "attention" seeking incidents come from a place of major insecurity, confusion and shame.

Examples of impulsive behavior:

-Spur of the moment tattoos (now getting some removed, because I can't get a decent job)
-Ridiculous outfits
-Shaving my head (as well as dying my hair every ****ing color)
-Making silly cartoon voices and making inappropriate comments
-Dancing for no apparent reason (think Audrey in Twin Peaks)
-Dressing up as a superhero in public (granted, I did it for money, long story)

Sometimes I'm proud of my ballsy-ness, and then other times I'm completely ashamed and shocked at myself.

GOOD TIMES :thumbup:

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

LOL! I act that way too. I always dress like some homeless chick and nothing too flashy as to not have all eyes on me. No eyes on me whatsoever would be a miracle, but hey, what can we do... Some days I can go dressing in high heels and pretty flashing outfits make up and all that crap, then I think what the **** was I thinking wearing that and doing that? Then I go back to being the hobo dressing person I strive to be.

 

[Agent_Violet]

A lot of people think they're borderline when they're not.

It seems to be the newest en vogue disorder to label everyone.

I was diagnosed as a borderline by 4 different docs over the years. Self awareness is your best bet to control it.Getting older helps some people as well...you start to level out a bit more.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

Yeah. I've been thinking about that for a while now, a few years. I didn't believe it when I was reading it at first, but it all just clicked. There wasn't any symptom I was missing. I just need to go get help on how to cope with it...to better myself and any future relationship I wish to hold.