Blushing due to fear of others' interpretation of blushing

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pasregistered

Guest
I've always been a bit of a blusher but over the last year the problem has escalated into a crippling, irrational, but totally inescapable issue. I blush when talking one on one to most people, more so with members of the opposite sex and even more uncontrollably if i'm talking to someone and someone else is sort of observing looking at me for the answer. The really absolutely worst, most out of control blushing is when i'm talking to someone who it would be completely inappropriate for me to like sexually, who i really really would never have feelings for and I don't want them or other people to think i do. So it happens the most awfully when I talk to male members of my family, my friend's boyfriends, minors, that sort of thing. Obviously it's a ridiculous vicious cycle, so those are precisely the people that end up thinking that I do have a weird thing about them and I get more and more worried about it. It's awful though because I just end up avoiding them all. I spend a lot of time in bed 'with a headache' just so I won't have to go and sit with my family at the dinner table THE WORST SITUATION EVER by the way because you are facing someone straight on and there are people either side of you no escape ugh. I spend quite literally all of my time thinking about blushing and other people's interpretation of it, which obviously is pathetic, but my acknowledgment of that doesn't really help. Making it worse I have actually had several weird propositions from totally inappropriate people who seem to have been under the impression that i was in love with them due entirely to my episodes of blushing around them thus confirming all of my fears. Does anyone else have a similar complex I wonder. I'm ok if the lighting is dimmed, if I'm wearing sunglasses or i'm completely wasted (though being only tipsy makes things a lot worse). Sadly none of these are especially practical for employing permanently.
 

googleinc

New member
Hey,

I think i have the same problem as you... Im always thinking about what other people think about me. I never was like that when i was younger though i can remember doing and saying realy inapropriate things and never went red or even felt like i was doing something wrong but since until a few years ago ive been going red at the slightist things.

I use to feel uncomfortable when people talked about gay people and i would feel myself getting shakey and sweaty but now its not so bad. Reason is that its socialy acceptable now and that ive worked with a realy funny gay guy at work and saw that people realy liked him as he was. So in my own frame of mind i accepted gay people as they were and when people talk about gays then i dont feel imbaressed. I dont accept what they are is ok i think its wrong but if thats what they are then im not gonna judge them.

Im not gay i know im not gay but other people dont! what if they think im gay!! what if they think im gay and thats why there talking about gays to see how i react!!! They think im gay!! oh no!!! then i go red... that is what i go through in my head.

I have been able to control it but as soon as im ok it comes back again. I use to smoke pot and when i got high i would try to control it and the more i controlled it the more i felt sick and after i felt sick i would let go and would get even sicker (thats why ive stoped!) This is what its like with me when i go red. I try to control it and it works then the subject comes up and it flares up again. And i aske questions to myself why did they bring that subject up again? did they see me get red the first time?

I realy feel like shooting myself in the head sometimes.

Im going to see a doctor about it and i would recomend the same to you too. I will keep you updated...
 

suzycello

Member
oh guys i completly feel your pain. This is what i suffered. Im 23 now and have cured myself of it. I had CBT but mainly it was my own hard work, you cant expect a miriacle cure like ETS as it is psychological...the fear of blushing makes you blush. so once you have broken that fear you will be ok. get a refferal from your doctor. the main one that helped me was writing down the things i was scared of from one to ten and doing them in small steps over and over again until the fear went away. some you may have to break down...like one you mentioned was exactly the same for me having a family meal. With that one you have to be honest to your family- thats a big part that helped me too, telling people what was wrong . But yes I recall being terrified of being in a supermarket and seeing someone i knew so first went in protected with sunglasses, only going in for one min, then with a mirror (to see how red i was) for two mins. you see where im going but genuinly you CAN cure yourself. i did

xxx

best of luck
 

Xavier91

Active member
i have a similar problem, though its not as much the blushing as just gettin really anxious, like while talkin one on one, or like u said, people who are completely innapropiate for me to like.
one thing that i found that helps me is music, i feel just a tiny bit more comfortable listening to my ipod while im interactin with people or just going outside my house.
the music kinda interupts or distracts me from my inner thoughs.
 

panicgirl

Member
Hey I started suffering from this problem 8 years ago. I've heard of people having cognitive behavioral therapy, and others who have had ETS surgery. It really is a vicious cycle that is hard to come out of... the fear of blushing makes you blush, and then feeling yourself blush makes you blush even more.. the worst is when you are in front of mirrors :S
 

2Crowded

Well-known member
Dont lose hope yall....I used to have blushing problems big time.....I hardly ever do anymore....I may feel like it but my face dosent go red red anymore even though it sometimes feels like it is....the most I seem to get anymore if at all would be a tiny little bit of pinkness on each cheek right below my eyes...probly not even detectable to other people....like I said I sometimes get that feeling/sensation for a bit in certin situations still but I dont get the redness like I used to....I dont know what to say as to why im better now then I was in the past really.. but I think its probly due to age...I may have just grown out of it possibly...so i think with age it can get better from my experience & that has been my Mothers experience with it as well.
 

Reaching-Zen

Well-known member
My opinion is its 95% mental. That fear of blushing and THINKING about blushing, like, oh my gosh, am I gonna blush, am I not gonna blush....is what triggers the blush.
Low self esteem, shyness, caring what others think and such, and thats a massive part of our blushing.
The rest is white skin and Anglo-Celtic parents/grandparents.
 
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socialphobicperson

Guest
I've always been a bit of a blusher but over the last year the problem has escalated into a crippling, irrational, but totally inescapable issue. I blush when talking one on one to most people, more so with members of the opposite sex and even more uncontrollably if i'm talking to someone and someone else is sort of observing looking at me for the answer. The really absolutely worst, most out of control blushing is when i'm talking to someone who it would be completely inappropriate for me to like sexually, who i really really would never have feelings for and I don't want them or other people to think i do. So it happens the most awfully when I talk to male members of my family, my friend's boyfriends, minors, that sort of thing. Obviously it's a ridiculous vicious cycle, so those are precisely the people that end up thinking that I do have a weird thing about them and I get more and more worried about it. It's awful though because I just end up avoiding them all. I spend a lot of time in bed 'with a headache' just so I won't have to go and sit with my family at the dinner table THE WORST SITUATION EVER by the way because you are facing someone straight on and there are people either side of you no escape ugh. I spend quite literally all of my time thinking about blushing and other people's interpretation of it, which obviously is pathetic, but my acknowledgment of that doesn't really help. Making it worse I have actually had several weird propositions from totally inappropriate people who seem to have been under the impression that i was in love with them due entirely to my episodes of blushing around them thus confirming all of my fears. Does anyone else have a similar complex I wonder. I'm ok if the lighting is dimmed, if I'm wearing sunglasses or i'm completely wasted (though being only tipsy makes things a lot worse). Sadly none of these are especially practical for employing permanently.

WOW this is exactly like me!
 
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blushgurl

Guest
i am so glad to now that i am not the only one with this problem. I've spent a long time feeling like a freak. This blushing is a problem that has been taking over my life. It affects my job alot. When ever my manager at work even looks at me or talks to me my face flushes into a fierce flourensent red. Then as soon as he sees me blush my manager rushes to finish the conversation and gets away from me as soon as possible. Then i am left all alone calling myself all types of hateful names and hating myself for being such a freak. Why does this happen why? I am the only one at my job ( 30 employees) with this problem. Whenever i am talking to someone i get pink, and then the person notices that i get pink, thats when i turn red, then i notice that i'm red and i try to resist and will my face back to normal and thats when i turn fluoro red. The person who i am conversating with then finds a reason to get away from me. This problem has been holding me back in my job and ruining my life. BUT i plan to fight back...and get my life back. I am glad to know that there are other people like me out there i can completely relate with your stories. I will keep you guys posted on how it goes...
 

tgates209

Active member
I have the same symptoms and, ironically, have the same relief if wearing sunglasses or in a dimly lit room. Though I don't understand why, I think it has to do with the fact that eye contact is diminished so the stress of feeling judged for what you're saying is removed from the equation. To me this gets back to what I feel is the root cause and that is being hypersensitive to others opinions of you. The more I desensitize my care of others opinion while also working on my internal stability the more I find relief from blushing.

I'm glad that there are others that have walked in my shoes concerning this problem. I think we can kick this cycle together as well. Yeah!
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
I suffer from the same problem. At one point, it got a little bit better, but it's been bad recently. About a week ago, I was at work and a girl who was working next to me asked me something, and I turned red after a few seconds. It's especially hard if the question you are asked makes you think for a while and the other person is completely focused on you. She probably thought I was attracted to her or something, but I wasn't. At all.

What I try to do is what's already been mentioned, which is to try not to fear the blushing itself. It's the typical fight or flight response. The less I focus on the conversation itself and start thinking of what the other person's thinking of me (and how they're looking straight at me), I can feel it coming, so I try my best to say to myself "bring it, I don't care; stupid fear anyway; what's the big deal?" and it does work to a certain extent, and it feels like the brain releases quite an amount of endorphines that make you feel awesome when you're successful.

This whole thing doesn't work very well when your self-esteem is really low and you're truly self-conscious, but it's the only way. If you fear it, it will never stop.
 

PhobiaTired

Active member
I suffer from the same problem. At one point, it got a little bit better, but it's been bad recently. About a week ago, I was at work and a girl who was working next to me asked me something, and I turned red after a few seconds. It's especially hard if the question you are asked makes you think for a while and the other person is completely focused on you. She probably thought I was attracted to her or something, but I wasn't. At all.

What I try to do is what's already been mentioned, which is to try not to fear the blushing itself. It's the typical fight or flight response. The less I focus on the conversation itself and start thinking of what the other person's thinking of me (and how they're looking straight at me), I can feel it coming, so I try my best to say to myself "bring it, I don't care; stupid fear anyway; what's the big deal?" and it does work to a certain extent, and it feels like the brain releases quite an amount of endorphines that make you feel awesome when you're successful.

This whole thing doesn't work very well when your self-esteem is really low and you're truly self-conscious, but it's the only way. If you fear it, it will never stop.

The same thing happens to me all the time. I work at a restaurant and every time a guy asks me a question or is paying I start to get all red, just because Im thinking that Im probably getting red ::(: . I get even more nervous and red because I then think that they think that I like them because I blushed...I try to tell myself that it doesnt matter what the guy thinks especially because I'll never see them again after they leave and what's the worse that has ever happened because I've blushed but nothing helps...
your right Sacrament it doesnt work when my self esteem is so low and am soooo self conscious.

I tell myself to relax and breathe but I forget everything at that moment.
 
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CantStopTheBlush

Guest
I've always been a bit of a blusher but over the last year the problem has escalated into a crippling, irrational, but totally inescapable issue. I blush when talking one on one to most people, more so with members of the opposite sex and even more uncontrollably if i'm talking to someone and someone else is sort of observing looking at me for the answer. The really absolutely worst, most out of control blushing is when i'm talking to someone who it would be completely inappropriate for me to like sexually, who i really really would never have feelings for and I don't want them or other people to think i do. So it happens the most awfully when I talk to male members of my family, my friend's boyfriends, minors, that sort of thing. Obviously it's a ridiculous vicious cycle, so those are precisely the people that end up thinking that I do have a weird thing about them and I get more and more worried about it. It's awful though because I just end up avoiding them all. I spend a lot of time in bed 'with a headache' just so I won't have to go and sit with my family at the dinner table THE WORST SITUATION EVER by the way because you are facing someone straight on and there are people either side of you no escape ugh. I spend quite literally all of my time thinking about blushing and other people's interpretation of it, which obviously is pathetic, but my acknowledgment of that doesn't really help. Making it worse I have actually had several weird propositions from totally inappropriate people who seem to have been under the impression that i was in love with them due entirely to my episodes of blushing around them thus confirming all of my fears. Does anyone else have a similar complex I wonder. I'm ok if the lighting is dimmed, if I'm wearing sunglasses or i'm completely wasted (though being only tipsy makes things a lot worse). Sadly none of these are especially practical for employing permanently.

Hello! Can the person who posted this please come back and post again? I have the SAME ISSUE. I am guy and my wife is going to leave me because she thinks I am attracted to other females when I start to blush! I can't even control it and it has nothing to due with attraction and my wife does not understand. I can see why she thinks it is attraction and I must be so hurtful for her.
 

fife_girl

Well-known member
This is one of if not my worst fear, and I think about it constantly :(
I go through stages of what i fear most, it used to be not being able to hold a conversation and getting tongue tied and taking panic attacks (which i still get) but now it that horrible fear...which i cause by thinking about it!!!...VERY frustrating! when I'm having a very confident day i try to go to the shop just to push myself, then there is the checkout n i start to think i hope i don't go red...I'll be OK...what if i look like iv stolen something!...relax you'll be OK...I end up having this stupid conversation with myself sometimes it works....and then there is the times it doesn't :( its such a horrible feeling and i feel for all of you. Same thing happens when i talk to some family members or friends of the family, I'll worry if they will think I'm attracted to them or depending on what the conversation is about if I have a dark secret...bla bla...daft things that just aren't true :(
My worst nightmare is sitting around the dinner table with family also....unless there was next to no light lol but that wont happen as nobody knows i have this fear, this is the first time iv gotten it out n as much as i wish you guys never felt this way I'm glad you've shared cause i don't feel like the only one!
luv 2 u all xx
 

lonelywolf

Active member
my blushing is so random it can even happen when im at home on my own :mad:like the coulor of this smilie in full flush mode and is not a pretty sight to women i can tell you i keep thinking god why is this happening to me but there is always people much wors off than me but to have this problem is hard to deal with only others who have it can truly understand the mental anguish it brings:mad:
 
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theblushingfulla

Guest
This has started happening to me in the last month. I've always naturally blushed around girls for some reason, but recently I've started going HYPER red in situations where people may think I'm gay.
For example, I hang out with my room mate heaps and one day his girlfriend said "When I watch you two of you talk, I would think you're a married couple." Suddenly I went a bright red color, and started shaking and having irregular breathing patterns. Doesn't help when your audience starts making comments as if you were a zoo animal "Wow, look...he is going really red!" It's happened to me four times in the last month. Yesterday I had this most terrible episode where I left the room because I was so red. Luckily I was suffering from the flu so I just said I had a fever:)
 
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Unregistered1

Guest
i can totally relate to most people here,no matter how good you know someone,and then suddenly while having a nice conversation something trips in your brain,and then theres no way to stop the heat and panic flooding the body and you stand there red faced,feeling hopeless and sad.I noticed that Usually it happens when im feeling trapped in small places,when peoples attention turns upon me,discussing topic where i know i would easily prove myself right.I dont know do many here understand that blushing is not social anxiety,because were well able to have conversations,we can say our thoughts and even when blushing we try to be ourselves.Best advise i can give you is try to speak with someone from your family,it might be hard but they are the ones who wont judge you and can really help and support.
 

pault8084

Member
i suffer from this as well. It drives me mad and i'm desperately trying to find something or someone that can help. I'm getting married in the summer (as previously posted) and really dont wanna spend the day bright red. Has anybody tried hypnotherapy or is it worth going to the doctors?
 

WorldEndsWithMe

Well-known member
I don't like it when people will interpret my embarrassment for attraction.
Sometimes my friends will pester me about boys and I get really embarrassed by the topic and then they go "OoOoOoooo you liiiiiike him". What can I say? I can't deny it because then they say "yeah suuuuure ;)", and I can't agree with them because it isn't true...

Ah it's even worse when they point out that you are blushing. I'm fair skinned so blushing shows up easily. But to then hear "OH! You're blushing!" I start to blush more! Again people will interpret that as "oh you must really like that guy" or "awwww you're blushing. How cute" and I think cute?!!? It's awful!
 
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