Blank mind

rafael_josem

rafael_josem

New member
Hi,

When im in a group of people i usally stay with my mouth shut and not because im afraid of talking, it just that i dont know what to say, my mind just fills in blank.

For example, let's say we are 5 people and they're talking about women. Tipically, i wont say word and i would just listen. I really want to speak but my mind get stucked and i dont know what to say. But if somebody says: "well, women are this and this", inside of my head i woukd say :
"How didnt i come with that?".

Also im very very bad establishing a conversation and keeping it, but very good at ending it 8). I use too many one-word answers, but again, i dont know what to say after that.

Also, sometimes it happens that in a group of people we are talking about a topic that i really know about, in the moment i cant think of something to say, but after that i just get plenty of ideas i could have used back then. It really sucks...

I'd appreciate if you guys have some tips to overcome this.

My solution until now has been reading books on various topics.

What do you think? what else can i do?
 
Fairy001

Fairy001

Well-known member
As jaded as this sounds, most people are mainly interested in themselves. If you don't know anything about the conversational topic you could try asking other people how they feel about whatever is being said. Also if you are asked a question, when you respond ask the same question back. Try to ask open questions, one's that require more than a one word answer, example -

It is hot today isn't it?

Versus -

I feel hot today, how are you finding it?

Hope this makes some kind of sense, I know my example is not great, I seem to have had mental block!

Peace xxx
 
SilentType

SilentType

Banned
She's right, people love to talk about themselves. I have the same "going blank" problem as you, and I've found if I just continue keeping the conversation moving by letting people go on about themselves while seeming interested, it's a good way to fake our blank minds. I don't know how to fix the problem though, man. I wish I had an answer for you but at least we both know we're in the same boat fighting through the same storm now. As we catch up on our conversational skills (simply due to lack of social contact, in most cases), it will seem like the storm is over and calm seas from then on. You just have to push yourself to get out and slowly your anxiety will fade so that at least you can cope with it. I don't think there's a cure for it, and we probably will live with anxiety all our lives, but as long as we can cope out in the world and deal with everyday things then we're just fine. Just gotta push yourself to have more conversations with anyone; friends, family, strangers, whoever it is, every conversation you have you build on your social abilities. If you feel you can't do it, that's what benzodiazepines are for. If you don't already take them, tell your doctor you want to get over this thing and you need something you can take right before social encounters, and just pop a pill a half hour before and you'll find you're much more at ease in a conversation. I don't recommend long term use of benzodiazepines though, even though I've been on them for two years... I've tried to quit before and it's just not worth the withdrawals... So after six weeks I'd advise weening off, but during those six weeks you've got to put forth an effort to attack your anxiety instead of letting it beat you into submission. You'll be amazed at the results, you just gotta be ready to take the leap out into the social world that we hate so much.


Peace
 
Hael

Hael

Member
Anxiety causes my mind to go blank.
So - if I am in a group of people and expected talk - my mind goes blank.

Automatic reaction.

Anxiety = sinking cognitive function :roll:
 
lostinspace

lostinspace

Member
When I was taking an acting class at UCLA my teacher, who was a human behavior genius, said that the human mind cannot be made blank. However, I think I am an exception to the rule. I blank out all the time, especially when I am in a pressure situation and have to speak or present. I feel so stupid.
 
S

Skooter

Active member
Same thing happens to me. When I'm with friends and I'm expected to say something I just look like I wasn't paying attention and say "huh?" or "what happened?" Works every time. Sometimes after I do that It gives me a second to come up with something to say to change the subject.
 
autumn

autumn

Member
rafael_josem said:
Hi,

When im in a group of people i usally stay with my mouth shut and not because im afraid of talking, it just that i dont know what to say, my mind just fills in blank.

For example, let's say we are 5 people and they're talking about women. Tipically, i wont say word and i would just listen. I really want to speak but my mind get stucked and i dont know what to say. But if somebody says: "well, women are this and this", inside of my head i woukd say :
"How didnt i come with that?".

Also im very very bad establishing a conversation and keeping it, but very good at ending it 8). I use too many one-word answers, but again, i dont know what to say after that.

Also, sometimes it happens that in a group of people we are talking about a topic that i really know about, in the moment i cant think of something to say, but after that i just get plenty of ideas i could have used back then. It really sucks...

I'd appreciate if you guys have some tips to overcome this.

My solution until now has been reading books on various topics.

What do you think? what else can i do?
Click to expand...
HI, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS WHERE I WRITE THIS, BUT, I AM EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS YOU, IT IS STRANGE BECAUSE WHAT I READ IS AS IF I WROTE IT. I HATE IT, IT MAKES LIFE MISERABLE, I GET DEPRESSED, SAD AND CRY SOMETIMES. I WANT SOME HELP ALSO, I READ AND SEE A PSYCHIARITIST BUT I AM STILL THE SAME. HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE...
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
I just got back from playing basletball at a school, and this kid always approaches me and talks and talks and talks for the whole time, he follows me around, but yeh even the kid talks about himself and i just joke along with it and respond to him, he talks about his latest pranks on the other students, sports cards he's collecting, stories ...

so it is very true that people generally talk about themselves and their own interests and you dont have to know what they are talking about all the time as you are your own individual ...
 
NubCake

NubCake

Member
Yes it happens to me a lot. Usually at work or with a group of people. I always think of what I should have said after the conversation is over. Im guessing adrenaline plays a part in blanking out. So my best bet is to limit stimulant intake... Kind of hard for me since I love my coffee. :wink:
 
Lexmark

Lexmark

Well-known member
I think it happens to all of us because were to scared to be ourselves.
Before I talk im always analizing what Im going to say instead of just being who i really am and saying things naturally.
 
TAMPA-BAY

TAMPA-BAY

Well-known member
hi.

Hi congrads on your first post. I agree with the previous post by lexmax.

I notice the problem is I,We go into perfectionist moode where we try to think of the perfect response-perfect topic-and on and on.

The mainstreamers just say the first thing that comes to mind. Try not to be perfect.
 
autumn

autumn

Member
hello

My god I am the exact same way. I hate it so much. In a matter of fact I am going to my co-op bar-b-q soon, and I know it will happen again. But I want to go anyways. I will try hard again to try to do better. I am 44 and still have this stupid problem.
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
Actually my mind is never blank...More like it's full of random, messed up thoughts so i can't concentrate on normal conversation. I have obsessional thoughts all the time.
 
billy

billy

Well-known member
Well i had the same experiences bud. I had this one friend from 9th grade i kept in touch with for 2 years or so. He started invited me out with his friends recently. The first 3 times i did not say a word throut the hours we hung out. Then they tried getting me to get into the convos by making me play argue with them. Then made convos with me if i didnt respond in time they would save conversation deaded which they thoguht was funny but hurt me alot. Then with his other set of friends(3 girls). We hung out twice and they asked if i hated them since i did not say a word. After wall that i havent gotten an invite in 3 months. sucks but i could use some convo skills too. I read reading books and watching tv shows helps make jokes and maintaining convos for you will have more knowledge/ways how to spin things to make it funny. But then again i missed out on high school all 4 years so being put into college now where people know whats cool and stuff i guess would help too. If only i had a clue, think im just rambling now a bit tired:(. guess i didnt explain it well but i tried
 
Seras

Seras

Member
>.>
I'm like that too..
I dunno what to say..
so i just say random things...
=0
0=
But it works for me.. :D
 
loner_forever

loner_forever

Member
WOW it seems like I could have written that post! I have the SAME exact problem. My mind freezes up and I don't know what to say. And when I do manage to say something it seems so out of balance to the conversation... like the chemistry is all completely wrong or something.

I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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