below average looks = social phobia?

[Lonelyheart]

Many people consider me to be attractive; however, I find this perception to be problematic in some ways. Since people think I'm attrative they usually make strange assumptions about why I'm single. People often assume I'm arrogant, gay, or that I want to be alone. Another annoying assumption that people make about me because my looks is that I am exprience with women. Sometimes other men will ask me for advice about women. This is so embarrassing because I know nothing about women. I've never had a girlfriend or even been on a date.

Despite what others say, I only consider my looks average and I will never post a picture of myself online.

 

[missquiet]

i get very mixed comments about my looks ranging from very ugly to very pretty so i'm just very confused. :? or i think maybe people might just be saying things to be nice. but when i see pictures of myself that i like..people think it looks bad..and the sometimes ones i hate people say look better..like i'm always wrong...so i never know what to think.

 

[bentnbroken]

Clearly looks are not determinative of SA since there are many people on social anxiety forums who post their pics and are universally great looking (and they must realize it to some degree).

That being said, i think looks are nevertheless a big factor. if you are ugly it will be more likely that you get SA or that it will be worse and harder to escape from. I used to be great looking (so i was told be many girls and a few women) but i was too crazy and self-hating to capitalize on it, even letting opportunities go by untapped. Now i am not nearly as good looking due to age, weight/fitness, and years of being sad. I know now that i cannot expect to receive the same kind of interest or acceptance from women that I once woud have gotten. This makes my attempt to correct my life from that of sad lonely weakling to happy dating/married secure male way harder than if i was still as good looking as before.

So while looks are not the causal or the main factor in social phobia i think good looking people have a much easier time at dealing with it and getting out of it and ugly people will be more likely to suffer from it and to become serious cases who have trouble overcoming it. But i could be wrong since there are many people who don't have the traditional "good looks" who've overcome social phobia.

 

[Emma]

I'm ugly as all hell, people always say that, and it hurts....this guy always told me I was beautiful, he's the only person who ever said that...but then one day he broke up with me and told me, that I was physically what he was looking for, and that I was not very attractive, OUCH!!! Why am I continually slapped like that, I think if I was good looking I wouldn't have such a problem

 

[Richey]

I'm ugly as all hell, people always say that, and it hurts....this guy always told me I was beautiful, he's the only person who ever said that...but then one day he broke up with me and told me, that I was physically what he was looking for, and that I was not very attractive, OUCH!!! Why am I continually slapped like that, I think if I was good looking I wouldn't have such a problem

im exactly the same and its a major cause of my SA, i have friends who constantly inform me that im below average looking and too scrawny for a guy, they are amazed whenever a girl shows any interest, i am quite skinny looking and as a male that can be a horrible when it comes to masculinity, im just not happy with my body even when im fit and healthy, i see many gorgeous people walking around at shops.

i lift weights but i just look exactly the same, only more fit then before, but the visual results arnt there.

these days young people, especially guys and girls walk around in tight clothes and i cant wear those clothes or feel confident because of those above factors.

its a really depressing time in fashion from my perspective because everyone dresses up to go places and the clothes are more revealing, it can be quite intimidating as a young person if your not confident with your looks.

anyway, life goes on

 

[asdfjkl]

looks... wow looks has nothing to do with it... I have SA, sometimes it's non-existant and other days it's horrible...

www.myspace.com/unclemoney

got my confidence in myself from workingout, but im still the same person I AM NOW that I was when I was the skinniest dude ever b4 I started workingout... other than my body and appearance changing nothing about me has changed so I'd have to disagree with those people who worry about being too fat or skinny and how changing this would effect you, sure it will... but ur prob's don't simply go away because of this

 

[cherish]

asdfjkl, You so sexy

 

[Moonie]

I don't think looks have anything to do with it. I would consider myself pretty good looking (well at least I would a couple years ago..) but I have terrible self-esteem.

It is hard when you realize that some people are just talking to you because of the way you look. It has sort of been my only "selling point" for awhile because I know that my personality doesn't stand out before my looks. In fact, most people really don't know what I am like.

 

[t0keR]

I'm REALLY insecure about the way I look most of the time. Doesnt that have a name and its like a real disorder? but i alllways find something wrong w/ me my nose is too big, im too pale, im too skinny, my cheeks are too chubby, i have too many moles, i have a gap between my 2 front teeth, i could go on n on and sometimes ill look in the mirror and just get totally depressed other times ((not nearly as much)) i kinda think wow im kinda cute lol i just dont know

 

[pookie]

????

I think looks are not a factor. i think i'm pretty, i've been told that i'm pretty, and i like to take care of myself. But no matter how good i might look, walking through the cafeteria (or wherever) is a challenge!! That felling that everyone's watching kills me. But then i see all these people walking without worry(ugly people too), itmakes me realize it's a matter of confidence(which i lack)

 

[pookie]

When i walk into some place where there's a lot of people(specialy school) i feel that everyones staring at me and talking about me. I don't think they are talking about the way i look, but the way i am(which is crazy cos i don't know anyone, but then i think maybe they know someone that knows me and they have talked about how weird i am) I know it's kinnda stupid but that's how i feel. so i don't think people think i'm ugly , but they think i'm weird.

 

[BornAgain]

Not to be conceited or anything, but for the first time in my life, I discovered that I was quite handsome. I was never "ugly" but I just never knew how good looking I could be. However, it did not really offer any radical change in my social awkwardness. It helped people notice me, but they still felt an inexplicable uneasiness when I interact with them.

Damn, nobody else here has said that other people feel an inexplicable uneasiness around them, I was beginning to feel like to only person who did.

Now that I have that called out to attention, who else feels this? Is it everybody but you just don't mention it, or just a few people? What the fuck is it that makes this inexplicable uneasiness? Is it you, the other person or both? I never had this almost a year ago, then all of a sudden, it just came on, it's hella fucking gay man. I used to be the cool kid in school (I barely turned 18, should be a senior in HS, but dropped out), smoke, drink party, vandalize, cause trouble, drugs, pretty much everything but sex, though I was close before this shit happened to me. But now, I feel like a damn freak, it's like there's no way to fix this shit.


I am a moderately attractive guy, some say I'm really cute, others say I'm hot. Keep in mind I don't have SA, just extreme shyness in some situations. Since I'm good looking by some standards, people just look at me in public, and that's normal and all, but I don't know what to do when they do. Sometimes I just blankly stare back, but they look at me like I'm some kinda mental patient. And when I smile, they blankly stare at me, or give me pity polite smile. So basically, my "good looks" don't benefit me in public because I hate being stared at because every time I make eye contact with people, I question my sanity and contemplate whether or not I should just check myself into the psych ward already.

I used to be really suicidal, but I'm giving life a try now, job, going to college soon, just to see if I can succeed even If I am insane. But I don't see any point in living if I am crazy, at least in a logical point of view. Before this happened, I always felt bad for crazy people. and wished I could do something to cure their insanity, but if I'm the loon, then that's like when you realize that you were adopted throughout your whole life in your foster parents home, it's a major kick in the teeth, and logically, for me, theres no point in living like this.

Keep in mind, this is not a suicide post, and I don't want to kill myself, but logically, I do. I don't know if you guys can understand that, but my mind speaks a different language than english, so to translate it would take to much time and mindpower right now.

This is the first time I've shown my face on this website, so, what do the great people of SPW think of my looks?

 

[fruitbat]

Throughout middle and high school I was really insecure about how I looked. I've always been really skinny and I was asked (by very rude people) if I was anorexic/bulimic or made some other comment about my weight fairly often. Eventually I started wearing long sleeves and layers year-round, and that lasted all throughout high school. I was really, really insecure about how I looked. It wasn't the cause of my social anxiety, but it certainly didn't help.

I'm over it now though, fortunately. My looks are basically average, I have days when I feel pretty, days when I feel ugly. I think it's more likely that my mood effects my looks, or how I look at myself, rather than the other way around.

 

[emmdee]

Does it really matter what they think?
You look how you look, and you can only change that to a certain extent (even with plastic surgery, which i do not believe is a good idea at all). If you want to try your hardest to make yourself look good (maybe get braces, change your clothing style?), then i encourage you to do so. But, not in an unhealthy manner. Please do not let me see you in a documentary for bulimia or anorexia. Or obesity, which applies to you even more since you stated that you were too skinny. Which, i am sure many people would rather be too skinny than too fat.
But even with trying your best, you can only change so much (yes, it is another way of saying the sentence in the first paragraph, haha, i had to link this sentence somehow). So walk down the street with your head held high, and your mind on good thoughts.
Because those who are so insecure with themselves that they do not see what is behind those eyes, don't matter, and probably aren't the people you will want to be around.
What you say will get you further than how you look. =]

 

[benk1983]

I think below average looks play some part in social phobia. I constantly worry about what people think of me, how I look etc. I am pretty skinny and have always been that way. I always feel as if I am being judged by people and wonder exactly what they are thinking about me. I don't think I was born with SP, I only started to notice I was a little different in the last couple of years and it was probably around the same time that I realised I wasn't attractive. Of course this isn't the whole reason for having SP I just think that it is all part of it.

 

[slowmotiondaydream]

my social phobia is cause by nothing but my extreme low self esteem and my ugly appearance. I even considered getting some sort of plastic surgery on my appearance (facial area) to have a more attractive look as i see so many 'pretty' girls looking walking pass me.
I wish i had the confidence to turn on my webcam to my internet friends, but i can't, not looking like this.
As i read on here as well as other have the experience, i do fine people looking at me as i pass. and not having a boyfriend at the age of 19 yet proves to be evidence that im not quite good to look at.

 

[charlieHungerford]

DELETED POST

 

[xkiss_me_nowx]

yes, all my insecurities lead towards my looks, i always think im ugly, no matter how much attention i get.
when im in the street i get guys looking at me all the time, cars sometimes beep at me.. and its just embarrasing.. and i get told im really pretty, but i just NEVER EVER feel it.
it really sucks. i hate it.

 

[prince1]

Re: looks

But a guy who is below avg looking and doesn't talk, is uncomfortable around people, will usually be the guy who doesn't go to the prom, doesn't go to parties in college, doesn't date many people as he grows older..

Yep, that pretty much summarizes my life.

mee toooo!! :evil: god damn SA.

 

[Vincent]

smiling and comedy

What matters more than the line of your hair, the shape of your chest or the height of your stance?

A smile.

Have you noticed beautiful people with a sullen, angry or hostile look? They look attractive in a way. But not nearly as much as those with a smile.

Photographs of models are almost always expressionless. When I see a photo of a model smiling, I disect her/his smile in a negative way. From the pictures the cold looks are better. But why? Because I consider my own smile to be stupid. So I extend this to others. However, if you meet models face to face, their cold expressions chill you. In general, no matter how good the looks, without a smile, the effect is negative.

The point:

A warm smile is the most attractive thing, bar nothing.

If you are like me, you will struggle with smiling. Why? Because my thinking is mostly negative, so negative thinking doesn't make me want to smile.

Second, I am self conscious about my smile. When I was a kid, others used to taunt me with the name "anti-smile", as silly as it sounds, thats what they called me. Imagine the effect that had.

I think for me, and perhaps you as well. Integrate more comedy into my life. Learn to laugh and truly forget myself. That will make me more attractive and happy; both of which reinforce each other.

:? :roll: