Becoming self-confident

[Argamemnon]

My opinion on self-confidence:

Self-confidence is all about positive previous experiences and how happy you are in life now. If you have achieved nothing (in terms of education/work), like me, don't have friends or a partner, you can't be confident, even if you try hard. In my experience this is simply not possible. Confidence is build by experiences and achievements, if you let life past you by, you can't just "create" confidence out of nothing.

What to do then? Start somewhere.. but then where to start when you're 32..

 

[MrDooBee]

Im 32 myself, achieved stuff all in life and have very little self esteem. But ive had a few little adventures over the last year which i think has helped my confidence. For instance i started martial arts which was a very hard thing for me to do.

Maybe try and think of something you would like to do which is a bit different? We may be old farts but we can still do stuff to try and enjoy ourselves

 

[shield]

This is the process by which confidence is built in my opinion:

practice - failure - experience - self-correction - success - confidence

People mostly don't become successful because the first two stages are two painful for most people to get through.

 

[no_wukkas]

My opinion on self-confidence:

Self-confidence is all about positive previous experiences and how happy you are in life now. If you have achieved nothing (in terms of education/work), like me, don't have friends or a partner, you can't be confident, even if you try hard. In my experience this is simply not possible. Confidence is build by experiences and achievements, if you let life past you by, you can't just "create" confidence out of nothing.

What to do then? Start somewhere.. but then where to start when you're 32..

In my opinion self confidence has nothing to do with past achievments or positive experiences... it's something that comes from within. I believe it helps to have the self confidence in place in order to attract positive experiences (such as a relationship) and achievements to your life... not the other way around! There are many books of cd's that can help you with this... I'll be happy to name a few that have helped me if you like... I'm still working on it but it really does help!

 

[qwerty103]

My opinion on self-confidence:

Self-confidence is all about positive previous experiences and how happy you are in life now. If you have achieved nothing (in terms of education/work), like me, don't have friends or a partner, you can't be confident, even if you try hard. In my experience this is simply not possible. Confidence is build by experiences and achievements, if you let life past you by, you can't just "create" confidence out of nothing.

What to do then? Start somewhere.. but then where to start when you're 32..

In my opinion self confidence has nothing to do with past achievments or positive experiences... it's something that comes from within. I believe it helps to have the self confidence in place in order to attract positive experiences (such as a relationship) and achievements to your life... not the other way around! There are many books of cd's that can help you with this... I'll be happy to name a few that have helped me if you like... I'm still working on it but it really does help!

I have to disagree with this one. First let's have an example. Imagine you are going to play a game. A game that which you never played before and you're going to have to it play with a pro. Will you be confident? Do you think that you can win it? Are you confident enough to actually make a bet on it? How can you have confidence if you have no experiences?

The only problem with us is that we're afraid to fail. That failure in our minds are the one that pulls us back. Ever wonder sometimes when you think about being positive (Say when you go out and you're afraid that people will judge you so you tell yourself that you'll never care about what others think of you) and you just don't buy it? It's because your mind created another negative barrier that you have already experienced when you invited fear into your life.

 

[qwerty103]

My opinion on self-confidence:

Self-confidence is all about positive previous experiences and how happy you are in life now. If you have achieved nothing (in terms of education/work), like me, don't have friends or a partner, you can't be confident, even if you try hard. In my experience this is simply not possible. Confidence is build by experiences and achievements, if you let life past you by, you can't just "create" confidence out of nothing.

What to do then? Start somewhere.. but then where to start when you're 32..

Tbh that's the biggest fear that I have. That I will have this fear for the rest of my life. However since I started listening to this NLP mp3 (Listening for about 4 days) I started to think a little differently. If you're willing to give it a try, don't expect to get results very quickly (When I listened to it for the first time, it seemed that it wasn't working but I decided to just keep listening to it and noticed some slight differences). It's hard to explain and it's better if you try it. I'm just going to keep listening to it.

I have more hope than before and I feel that I'm on my way to that exit. Maybe one day if I make that exit, I'll post a thread about my story.

Dude man you're not that old yet. Sure some things are already late but you can still change your destiny. I'm 19 and I realized how time really went fast. I know deep inside that I have to do something before I regret this forever.

 

[striker]

To me Self Confidence comes from inside. A 5 yr kid can have awesome confidence. From what I found from my experience.

Self Confidence = solid beliefs + good nervous system
Good health ---> good nervous system

Unfortunately for most of us our nervous systems are weak. This doesn't mean our beliefs are not solid. They may be or they may not be.
The weak nervous system will test you relentlessly. So its actually a good time to solidify your beliefs.

Ultimately "you become what you think".


I could do multiple things to get there (I do most/all of these)

- Build a solid Identity based on solid beliefs & values
Who are you
What do you want in your life
Where are you going
What do you put up with
How positive are you in your life
What are your passions

*Think really hard about these questions as they are deep ones.

- Use Affirmations every day, hour if you have to. Works amazing.
Record them. I have listed the them at the end of the post

- Learn to think Positive. This is deeper than you think

- Notice your emotional patterns & weed out -ve stuff

- Learn to reframe bad stuff happening to you into as opportunity, feedback

- Learn to not fear Failure. Accept it & Learn from it

- See what makes you happy Or puts you in a happy state
See what music makes you feel confident/happy & play anytime you
want to get that state

- Stop seeing yourself as a victim.

- Becoming a Man(woman) is a journey, you will fight many monsters, evil in the process. This will make you a stronger, mature person
SA is one such monster.

- Learn to Baby step at a time.
ie., you cannot learn French in One day. See how you can apply this in your life.

I can add tons more.. need to sit & think. I should actually start a blog on this shit I learned over the years

Affirmations:
- "I have amazing Confidence'
-“I am the best.”
“I am a winner.”
“I am destined to be a great success in life.”
“I do what I know I should do, regardless of whether I feel like it or not.”
“Everything that happens to me is exactly what I need in order to be where I want to be in my life.”
“I learn from all of my mistakes.”
“I master all of my advantages.”

 

[Argamemnon]

Affirmations:

-“I am the best.”

:roll:

 

[A-UK-Lovely]

duno why u roll ur eyes mate, its all true.

 

[qwerty103]

duno why u roll ur eyes mate, its all true.

It's because he doesn't buy it bro. About the same experience like me. I already know that I'm unique and can do some extraordinary things without fear, but for some reason something is just pulling me back.

 

[A-UK-Lovely]

ive had an apifony tonight, (i cant spell btw lol) and that is, it doesnt matter wether you brad pitt or average jo, someone is gonna think ur a twat. so you might as well be who u r and get called a twat than be someone ur not and also get called a twat. coz ur still gonna get called a twat either way. (not that u r a twat ofcourse lol).

im the same. i know deep in my heart that i am an amazing person with a strong voice, i just let every other mutha fucker have an opinion on it which i let mean something to me.

so then what do you have?
your depresed becayse ur so bogged down by what everyone else thinks of you.
and 'them' well there just geting on with their lifes with there little opinions not really caring about what ur thinking now, they probs forgot what they even said to you which is still making u depressed!

the fear is that if you do extrordinary things, what if no one else finds it extrodinary? well some wont. some will. some wont care. some wont notice. but u wil be proud and u will feel extrodinary which is what matters.

 

[Jellybeans]

confidence isn't the answer to social phobia. you're still running that confidence 'race' once you become confident in yourself, and you have an image of yourself to uphold. it's just like being at the opposite side of the shy spectrum. not worth it, imo.

 

[A-UK-Lovely]

true said, if your a confident person u do feel as thought u always need to be confidenent. but personally id rather have confidence in myself and have to work hard to keep it, than have non wot so ever i have to work hard trying to find it.

 

[chris420]

duno why u roll ur eyes mate, its all true.

It's because he doesn't buy it bro. About the same experience like me. I already know that I'm unique and can do some extraordinary things without fear, but for some reason something is just pulling me back.

It's an affirmation. We're all programmed to behave in certain ways, which comes from the sum of our experiences in life, the people that brought us up, etc...this is the fundamental reason we have SA. These kinds of messages can drill in a new kind of positive thinking, it doesn't even matter if you don't believe it right now, your mind absorbs them as if you had a supportive freind there telling you you're a great person etc. Over time this has an effect. Affirmations work in the same way as advertising but are much more direct and effective. And yeah they usually sound corny but no-one else's going to hear it right? most self-help is like this anyway.

That said a supportive friend can't cure long-time SA, and neither can affirmations. CBT is much more effective for this.

 

[qwerty103]

duno why u roll ur eyes mate, its all true.

It's because he doesn't buy it bro. About the same experience like me. I already know that I'm unique and can do some extraordinary things without fear, but for some reason something is just pulling me back.

It's an affirmation. We're all programmed to behave in certain ways, which comes from the sum of our experiences in life, the people that brought us up, etc...this is the fundamental reason we have SA. These kinds of messages can drill in a new kind of positive thinking, it doesn't even matter if you don't believe it right now, your mind absorbs them as if you had a supportive freind there telling you you're a great person etc. Over time this has an effect. Affirmations work in the same way as advertising but are much more direct and effective. And yeah they usually sound corny but no-one else's going to hear it right? most self-help is like this anyway.

That said a supportive friend can't cure long-time SA, and neither can affirmations. CBT is much more effective for this.

Indeed.

Btw I found this while searching: http://www.awake2000.com/ It tells affirmation and it repeats over and over to your subconcious mind while asleep. I'm thinking of getting it because it might help as well. This is the video of it: http://www.awake2000.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2&Itemid=3

It sure can be used for anxiety. Pretty interesting huh?

 

[A-UK-Lovely]

seems abit like americian bullshit to me. u could buy a tape recorder and do the same thing.
point is. affirmations do work.

 

[qwerty103_2]

Hmm you have a point but what if it works? I mean, someone here at least gotta try it you know.

About the tape recorder I don't think that it'll be good as the Awake 2000 though because they both work differently.

 

[no_wukkas]

To me Self Confidence comes from inside. A 5 yr kid can have awesome confidence. From what I found from my experience.

Self Confidence = solid beliefs + good nervous system
Good health ---> good nervous system

Unfortunately for most of us our nervous systems are weak. This doesn't mean our beliefs are not solid. They may be or they may not be.
The weak nervous system will test you relentlessly. So its actually a good time to solidify your beliefs.

Ultimately "you become what you think".


I could do multiple things to get there (I do most/all of these)

- Build a solid Identity based on solid beliefs & values
Who are you
What do you want in your life
Where are you going
What do you put up with
How positive are you in your life
What are your passions

*Think really hard about these questions as they are deep ones.

- Use Affirmations every day, hour if you have to. Works amazing.
Record them. I have listed the them at the end of the post

- Learn to think Positive. This is deeper than you think

- Notice your emotional patterns & weed out -ve stuff

- Learn to reframe bad stuff happening to you into as opportunity, feedback

- Learn to not fear Failure. Accept it & Learn from it

- See what makes you happy Or puts you in a happy state
See what music makes you feel confident/happy & play anytime you
want to get that state

- Stop seeing yourself as a victim.

- Becoming a Man(woman) is a journey, you will fight many monsters, evil in the process. This will make you a stronger, mature person
SA is one such monster.

- Learn to Baby step at a time.
ie., you cannot learn French in One day. See how you can apply this in your life.

I can add tons more.. need to sit & think. I should actually start a blog on this shit I learned over the years

Affirmations:
- "I have amazing Confidence'
-“I am the best.”
“I am a winner.”
“I am destined to be a great success in life.”
“I do what I know I should do, regardless of whether I feel like it or not.”
“Everything that happens to me is exactly what I need in order to be where I want to be in my life.”
“I learn from all of my mistakes.”
“I master all of my advantages.”

Yeah... totally agree. A five year old can have confidence yet a baby has the most confidence of all... if a baby has that sort of confidence without any good experiences or acheivements then it can't be true that you have to have good experiences or acheivements to build self confidence. In fact the negative belief that you must always achieve to feel worth while is the very sort of belief that is keeping you down and anxious and fearful. It's all the negative beliefs that we learn along the way that make us feel poorly of ourselves and it is possible to change them... positive affirmations are very helpful for this as is cognitive therapy and relaxation/meditation.

 

[krs2snow]

Helloooo Argamemnon.

My opinion on self-confidence:

Self-confidence is all about positive previous experiences and how happy you are in life now. If you have achieved nothing (in terms of education/work), like me, don't have friends or a partner, you can't be confident, even if you try hard. In my experience this is simply not possible. Confidence is build by experiences and achievements, if you let life past you by, you can't just "create" confidence out of nothing.

What to do then? Start somewhere.. but then where to start when you're 32..

I understand where ur coming from. I do. But, I think the mistake we often make is believing our self-worth is derived from the outside world. & the past is the past. At some point, we gotta decide whether or not we're gonna let our past define our Entire lives.

 

[Argamemnon]

Helloooo Argamemnon.
I understand where ur coming from. I do. But, I think the mistake we often make is believing our self-worth is derived from the outside world. & the past is the past. At some point, we gotta decide whether or not we're gonna let our past define our Entire lives.

Hi krsnow, how have you been? You are right..