The only reason she's seeing him is because he was the first to ask her out, it's not a matter of not being interested - I could've had her, now I just have to decide what to do so it still works out between us later on
Be patient? (Fairly long and disjointed, you have been warned)
- Thread starter schist
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The only reason she's seeing him is because he was the first to ask her out, it's not a matter of not being interested - I could've had her, now I just have to decide what to do so it still works out between us later on
That wasn't the question.
Doesn't matter. Regardless of which side she would hypothetically choose, I have outlined my justifications.
cosmosis
Well-known member
I agree in most things it is best to look after yourself. I've learned that, funny enough, most of time I actually do become a better person if I care more about myself. But the main exception I think is long-term relationships. If you truly want to be a part of someones life (not just romantic fun) you really do need to go beyond yourself.
Therein lies the problem. I can't make any sort of move when he's around, it feels awkward due to the anxiety. Anxiety is a stifling thing.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
Put it this way - If you're really into this chick, and you finally muster up the courage to ask her out on a date, and she hits you with the classic "I value our friendship too much"/"let's just be friends" line, are you REALLY going to stay friends with her? Are you really going to allow your heart to sink every time you look at her, and constantly be reminded of how you failed as a man in her eyes? Will you allow yourself to be emasculated by being constantly reminded of how you aren't good enough to be boyfriend material in her eyes every time you speak to her?
I don't think so, buddy.
I agree, most people wouldn't. If you really have such strong feelings for someone, feelings that go way beyond friendship, then I think it would be very difficult if not impossible for most people to continue with just friendship.
The issue here seems to be (and again, this could be my misinterpretation of your intentions) that you are suggesting that you feign friendship with this girl in order to stay close enough to make a move should she become single. That isn't friendship. It's dishonest, and not fair to her IMHO. If you have some ulterior motive in maintaining this "friendship" then maybe you should let it go until such time as she is single, when you can approach her with the honest intent of dating her.
Also, I don't think looking at it as having "failed as a man" or having been "emasculated" is helpful. The fact that this one girl prefers to date some other guy over you is not indicative of either of those things. There are girls out there for who you would be the guy they'd prefer over someone else.
I was pretty much just referring to continuing being playful/flirty with her - essentially, "putting in a good word" for myself for when she is officially single again. You know, keeping the chemistry there and all that.
Also, I don't feel I've "failed as a man" in her eyes - the fact is, either one of us could've had her, the other just made his move sooner.
Also, I don't feel I've "failed as a man" in her eyes - the fact is, either one of us could've had her, the other just made his move sooner.
^^^^ Listen to this man fellas
coyote
Well-known member
if it was me, and i was truly interested in her, and i sensed that she was truly interested in me
i would tell her exactly what you wrote here
lay my cards on the the table
leave it up to her to make the next move
and respect her decision
Terrible, terrible idea.
Bittersweet
Well-known member
what have you ultimately decided to do?
Tripolar
Well-known member
Dude just ditch the chick. If she were that into you she shouldn't have started going with the other guy. And you said yourself she would have gone for either of you, he just got there first and if that is the case then she's probably the type that would end up breaking your heart. She sounds iffy to me.