BDD thread

[dyingtolive]

BDD/Body issues thread

Hi, thought it might be helpful to create a thread for those who have BDD or just body issues or just feel uncomfortable in their bodies where we could vent out and express our day to day struggles or post links related to it..

Feel free to post anything, raw venting out, etc !

 

[Feathers]

Hey DtL,

There have been some such threads in the OCD sub-forum and elsewhere already, you might wanna take a look or use the 'search' function (though actually Google search of this forum name+topic might work better)

If you want to make a more 'current' thread where people might post daily experience and musings, guess that's okay too.. I've had some BDD too, though it was way worse when I was a teenager, these things sometimes get better with age... And reading some books and meeting fun new people who liked me as I was etc helped too...

I still occasionally dislike some parts of me, but try to 'live with it', you know? Energy levels and general mood have a lot to do here too.. Wishing things get better for ya too!!

 

[dyingtolive]

thanks Feathers,

I tried a search but it wasn't posting any results the time i tried. maybe it was a bug. ill try again

My case, im chained up with exercise. When my bodyfat% goes up, i feel disgusted. When it goes down, my self-esteem goes up.. But my bodyfat% can fluctuate so fast. If i get sick or get busy for a couple of days, I can fall of the bandwagon and get outta shape really fast.

I put off any chance to meet new people or even hang out with old people i already know because i don't feel presentable enough.

I guess the tricky part is with exercise obsession, you're always "inbetween", it's not like you just accept your body, its more like, you can really change it and make it better or wors in a short amount of time.. and im always in that stage where i can do '1 week of intense working out' to look good.. but my body eventually keeps going back to its default state which for me looks disgusting, and if only i could keep it at a state where i felt comfortable, i would feel like id be at peace.. and i could move on with my life, meet people, do things.. be free. its like a lifelong struggle with nature and genetics, and discipline, and diet. but all my waking hours are preoccupied with this and it prevents me from doing other things and living.

 

[Feathers]

Hey DtLive,

There's a stickie in the OCD sub-forum and another recent thread, yeah google search works better than many forum searches, sometimes you need a minimum of 4 lettersor such to search on some forums

Here's another thread: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/body-dysmorphic-disorder-28406/ I was quite surprised to hear several quite goodlooking people on this site have had it too!!
(Tip: the more goodlooking the person, the worse the BDD, I think!!)

There's a cool book I found on amazon about it too, haven't read it, just used the 'look inside' feature and it was very helpful! It was recommended on another forum I think, or a similar book was, there are several about BDD

I recently came across something called 'reversed bdd' (you can Google it, hehe) - first I thought people were joking about it, but apparently some people might really have it? They look into a mirror and think they're gorgeous, even if they wouldn't be by 'official standards'?! Then again, who is the one who sets standards, and why are they the right person for the job? Worth to think about it, no?

I wish I had your zest for exercise, hehe!! I have been blessed with quick metabolism, so I'm kinda skinny (okay, not in all parts hehe) but exercising is great for fitness and to be toned yup.. there are tons of people who look good despite not exercising though.. Or some are not considered 'attractive' by official standards, but they have FUN in life anyway (sometimes they might have 'reversed BDD'? )

I never measured the bodyfat except if absolutely necessary (in school or something) Do you have equipment yourself or how do you do it? (And why? Some people just decide to not weigh themselves anymore, ya know..)

It sounds like 'body perfectionism', a bit - I've had moral/ethical perfectionism so I can relate a bit.. It's like you think other people won't accept you 'imperfect', but usually other people are far less critical than one's own immediate family or oneself... (unless you're a go go dancer in a bar/supermodel/up-n-coming pop/RNB sensation or something like that?)

Do you live in an area that is very 'superficial' (like Hollywood or such?) Where I live, only some cities and venues are more 'superficial' like that.. Most normal people really don't care how you look as long as you're kinda enthusiastic/interesting and fun to be with, or make'em feel good, or are a good listener, have sense of humor etc.

 

[dyingtolive]

Hey DtLive,

There's a stickie in the OCD sub-forum and another recent thread, yeah google search works better than many forum searches, sometimes you need a minimum of 4 lettersor such to search on some forums

i just did a search and am browsing some nice stuff

Here's another thread: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/body-dysmorphic-disorder-28406/ I was quite surprised to hear several quite goodlooking people on this site have had it too!!
(Tip: the more goodlooking the person, the worse the BDD, I think!!)

U know i dont know how each BDD person's mind works, but i sorta feel like that can be a big part. alot of beautiful girls have BDD. i think it can also be very mindbending or heartbreaking, if in some 'angles' or times or positions, the person can identify themselves as beautiful or attractive, and then in other times, angles, positions, extremely ugly and disgusting. its like you have a dream being held infront of you with a pole, and when you bite, you have it taken away, the pole being pulled away and put back everyday. and its this "identification" thats left up in the air, never really left alone. while other people simply form their identities and association with their looks and know themselves as themselves when they see the mirror, and move on, BDD peeps are just stuck - between being beautiful and being ugly, both at the same time.

There's a cool book I found on amazon about it too, haven't read it, just used the 'look inside' feature and it was very helpful! It was recommended on another forum I think, or a similar book was, there are several about BDD

I recently came across something called 'reversed bdd' (you can Google it, hehe) - first I thought people were joking about it, but apparently some people might really have it? They look into a mirror and think they're gorgeous, even if they wouldn't be by 'official standards'?! Then again, who is the one who sets standards, and why are they the right person for the job? Worth to think about it, no?

Lol, this is nice. and yeah, and yeah i think every person probably knows or remembers atleast one person like this.. but it doesn't sound like a 'bad' thing to have, i mean its almost like a natural 'cure' for low self esteem.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I really like this idea. Everybody, feel free to rant and rave and scream on here. I know I will be.. It will be so helpful for us all! Thank you dyingtolive

 

[dyingtolive]

I wish I had your zest for exercise, hehe!! I have been blessed with quick metabolism, so I'm kinda skinny (okay, not in all parts hehe) but exercising is great for fitness and to be toned yup.. there are tons of people who look good despite not exercising though.. Or some are not considered 'attractive' by official standards, but they have FUN in life anyway (sometimes they might have 'reversed BDD'? )

I never measured the bodyfat except if absolutely necessary (in school or something) Do you have equipment yourself or how do you do it? (And why? Some people just decide to not weigh themselves anymore, ya know..)

It sounds like 'body perfectionism', a bit - I've had moral/ethical perfectionism so I can relate a bit.. It's like you think other people won't accept you 'imperfect', but usually other people are far less critical than one's own immediate family or oneself... (unless you're a go go dancer in a bar/supermodel/up-n-coming pop/RNB sensation or something like that?)

Do you live in an area that is very 'superficial' (like Hollywood or such?) Where I live, only some cities and venues are more 'superficial' like that.. Most normal people really don't care how you look as long as you're kinda enthusiastic/interesting and fun to be with, or make'em feel good, or are a good listener, have sense of humor etc.

this is something that can be frustrating to think about.. why some ppl dont need to exercise and still end up looking great. its seeing these peeps when i think life is unfair. if i didnt have to exercise, i wouldnt and i would spend all that time pursuing other interests, since ive given up alot of them, and of course living life. The zest for exercise is more like a need.

i dont really measure bodyfat, nor do i weigh myself, i base everything on how it looks alone.
yeah, it sounds like body perfectionism, but for me its more like body prerequisite. maybe i also have high standards for myself. maybe im superficial since my standards are my own. i just feel ugly if i dont pass the prerequisite for how i wanna look. i dont even feel comfortable with myself alone.. aside from being afraid of perceived ugly by others. i think also in the back of my mind, i associate 'outside my shell' as 'the possibility of meeting a girl who might reject me becoz i wasnt attractive enough'. i need to be at my best shape so that i wont be hurt.. people judge each other so fast, u just pass/walk by someone and our natural instinct is to judge the person, is s/he mate material? or is s/he undesirable. i dont want to be that.. i also got rejected when i was young by a girl, when i was 13, so that may be an influence.

 

[dyingtolive]

Thanks EscapeArtist. hopefully it can be therapeutic. Im looking forward to reading about other people.

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, the past can be an influence, for some people.. There are also some others who claim they had no such influences in the past (that they would remember of at least)
I think also the society as a whole, media etc place big expectations on people, to look like those supermodels in magazines, people in ads/on TV.. (NOBODY looks like that!! They're all photoshopped!! And heavily make-upped!!)

About maybe-partners: do you really wish a superficial girl/life partner?
Of course most of us would like to spend time with someone reasonably attractive (my dad says 'not too attractive' lol, so apparently different people have different theories and notions who/what they find attractive anyway!! One may think 'attractiveness' is the biggest part of it, when younger especially, but after 20+ and some bad experiences even 'goodlooking' people start looking for 'more than just a pretty face'!!)

What if you'd meet your perfect girl pursuing those other interests?

Well, as for exercise and looking great.. I do think people who really do look great mostly do some form of exercise, even if it's just working (in the garden or at job), walking to school/work etc. Many also really honestly like sports, jogging and such.. Or have been doing dancing, athletics.. since they were kids.. (That partly stems from what kind of family one has been born into too..)

I think probably everyone looks and feels better when taking time to exercise/walk/jog etc yeah.. Exercise has all sorts of other benefits than just for 'looking good' so maybe you are LUCKY to be driven to do it?? (Maybe you'll live longer and be healthier, hmmph?)
Balance/moderation is good though, yeah...

Anyway, I bet you look way better than this avatar, no? Why choose it?

 

[dyingtolive]

(unless you're a go go dancer in a bar/supermodel/up-n-coming pop/RNB sensation or something like that?)

-> haha up and coming RNB sensation

 

[Feathers]

-> haha up and coming RNB sensation

You are?? Okay, I can understand your problems then!!

 

[dyingtolive]

some people in real life just seem to look so perfect. i dont know whats the % of them? 5%? 10%? But they're there, even without the photoshop.

I actually don't even really seriously think about girlfriends or partners at this point since i think im not ready for such. I don't want a superficial girlfriend ofcourse.. but i also think that looks isn't necessarily a superficial thing.. Its like, we're encouraged to succeed right? Become good at our crafts, jobs, be the best we can be, achieve and stuff.. but i think looking good is even more primal than other pursuits. they say sexual selection is not with the rational mind, but lotsa factors, and pretty much beauty and strength/good genetics is in there. i would rather be goodlooking than rich. my mind doesn't want a beautiful partner, but maybe my instinct does.

i would surely have a more Full and fulfillling life im able to pursue other intersets, be more free and stuff.. Though SA has gotten in the way with that coupled with the BDD, i guess the obsessiveness is pretty deeply engrained. Although, i do still try to stay close to my other interests you know. Like riding a bike, you never really lose it, its always still there not far away to get back into.

I think alot of unhealthy people can look hot! look at rockstars Lol. those are some of the sexiest people dead and alive. and also female models, they dont need muscle, so they can be pretty unhealthy and unathletic.

Yes, fitness and exercise does have its benefits healthwise. Actually, i cant live without it ! if for some reason i cant exercise, then i feel awful ! lol

Well this avatar is new, hehe. it doesnt look that bad does it? its an art concept from Alex Grey for the band Tool.

 

[dyingtolive]

haha no im not! i just found the line funny. ive been checkin out bodybuilding forums and the thing is.. its like everyone has BDD! and theyre proud of it. Looking good IS the goal of bodybuilding, and not performance in any other way.. so like in art or aesthetics, its just the pursuit of making your body a work of art. i guess they just dont 'feel disgusted'.

 

[caringsoul]

i used to sometime have bdd thoughts, but i rarely do now. i have really bad skin, but i cant really get better, so i cant really complain much. i am accepting it and just do the best i can to not make it worst. thats all i can do and if i do my best to keep my apperance and i cant look any better than that, then i am fine. if i worry too much, then its only going to make me feel bad, and i been through that and i dont like that. the more i spend thinking about it, i am wasting alot of energy, when i could put it on better thought like how to run a buisness.

 

[Feathers]

Caringsoul, I think that's a good attitude, acceptance..
And transferring energy into learning about constructive new things..

About the skin - are you sure nothing can be done? Maybe when your life improves the skin will improve too.. chamommile tea on the skin and relaxation can sometimes help too.. (helped me when I was younger..) depends what you have though.. some things can be improved with nutrition etc.

LOL - DtL a bit disappointed now that you actually AREN'T an up'n'coming RNB senation, LOL!!
Honestly, if you plan any other careers, the looks just AREN't that important, sadly!! You need street smarts and brains and such, more likely!!

lol about the bodybuilding forums hehe.. I always thought they were rather self-absorbed though and thought how 'beautiful' they are.. insightful, this..

sorry but you avatar is scary to me!! hehe.. But this is an interesting conversation nevertheless, ya know? (So I can really hate your avatar and still think you're a cool person, ya know?)

 

[dyingtolive]

sorry about the avatar, i know it aint the sugar & spice, type lol. well
the artist does draw a lot of the insides of bodies but not in a gross way, he does visionary art,

bodybuilding, ironically i think has got to be one of the more intelligent athletic pursuits. and it takes so much more discipline than other 'sports'. its so not true the stereotype of dumb meat-heads
If bodybuilding or having a hot body were easy, why don't everyone have it? Its true that some people are genetic freaks and have them (and be the dumb egotistic stereotype), but they are the gifted, unfairly alot has to do with genetics, luck

Thanks alot for the helpful and positive posts. You remind me of this old forumer I met long ago in SAF who was so upbeat and uplifting

 

[Feathers]

Well, a lot of women (and some guys) find 'extreme bodybuilding' kinda repulsive (at least those that I know) Some muscles and a fit toned body is okay, too much muscles (think 'Terminator' or 'Conan the Barbarian') is probably 'too much' for many women.. The guy in video above is too bulky yeah...
Also some people are lazy hehe.. and some have to chop wood for living or as part of 'family thing' so they just grow up with 'real work'.. (and don't need fitness!! )

I'm not always cheerful but I have some days...

Sorry the avatar is totally scary lol.. I don't like insides of human body, didn't like it in biology class either.. Apparently wouldn't make a good doctor or nurse lol..

Art preferences are different among people too, obviously, as are people's design preferences and preferences in appearance of fellow human beings..
(The couple is pretty but I wish one wouldn't see all their veins lol..)

Are you into yoga and such too?

 

[dyingtolive]

thanks 4 the heads up. i removed it.definitely the extreme bodybuilding can be repulsive and is not 'desirable' or even sexy. i think its just turned out to be a contest.. and a competition, and they just forgot the point of why they were doing it. they just needed a way to 'outdo' someone, how else? bigger muscles? probably only a very low % of bodybuilders want to do that, and do it just becoz they just 'have no more else to go' but weren't initially planning on it.

I did try Yoga and there were times where I did it atleast a few minutes a day part of a routine. I wish i had the discipline to do it regularly. It is pretty kick-ass though (the benefits), even just the basics like the Sun Salutations, do you? Sun-Salutations

 

[Feathers]

Well, I used to do yoga years ago and actually felt great haha..

Just asked because some of that art looks similar to yoga art and such.. or Barbara Brennan's books or such..

maybe I need to start it again, you do need quite some space for it though.. (and ideally a peaceful environment yup)

I'm still not sure about that pic or the videos, the rules on this site are pretty strict.. (someone got banned for posting a pic of him without shirt on..) Might wanna ask a mod if you're not sure, this looks less than 'semi clad' though.. (This is not a bodybuilding/fitness forum, ya know?) And since some people have BDD, maybe looking at such videos might not be most constructive to them?
It's better to err on the side of caution, I guess..

 

[Mickery]

There's a fascinating paper here which postulates that people with BDD have an improved sense of aesthetics than the average person (they compare it to musical ability) and that this heightened interest can lead to neurosis when they see so much beauty around them and are so good at spotting flaws, naturally some of those flaws occurring in their own appearance. They even wonder if part of the problem is that these people are inclined to see their own flaws better than others, making their perception incomprehensible to those less pre-occupied with aesthetics.