Barking up the Wrong Tree
- Thread starter guessed
- Start date
fitftw
Well-known member
My ex girlfriend was quite the sexual deviant. She cheated on me when she went to Dragoncon 2009 without me. She dumped me after my car was stolen two weeks before New Year's. We lived together til like January 4th though, then she couldn't stand me being around anymore.
I think I do it because emotionally available people don't think that I am emotionally available. I might think I am, but I doubt that I really am. After a while, all I want is sex, and doing things with whoever I'm with just gets old and pointless after a certain length of time...which is why I never last in relationships past 3 or 4 months.
I don't believe humans are meant to be monogamous. Though, I could do it, and I have before, but the woman always gets tired of my 'quick-to-settle' personality.
I think I do it because emotionally available people don't think that I am emotionally available. I might think I am, but I doubt that I really am. After a while, all I want is sex, and doing things with whoever I'm with just gets old and pointless after a certain length of time...which is why I never last in relationships past 3 or 4 months.
I don't believe humans are meant to be monogamous. Though, I could do it, and I have before, but the woman always gets tired of my 'quick-to-settle' personality.
Last edited:
I tend to grow friends/relationships with people who are extremely needy.
I think it's because they tolerate my emotionally-distant behavior longer. But no, I never really gravitate to emotionally unavailable people. But that's because I don't gravitate to people in general. At all, in most cases.
As to why people do it, I'm not sure, but I've read somewhere that people unconsciously try to get involved with partners that they think they deserve. For the same reasons as to why some people stay with violently abusive partners, because the one that is being abused unconsciously feels like he/she deserves to be threaten like that.
Do you perhaps have a minority complex or anything like that?
I can't be sure, but it could very well mean that it's caused by lack of self-esteem/self-worth.
I think it's because they tolerate my emotionally-distant behavior longer. But no, I never really gravitate to emotionally unavailable people. But that's because I don't gravitate to people in general. At all, in most cases.
As to why people do it, I'm not sure, but I've read somewhere that people unconsciously try to get involved with partners that they think they deserve. For the same reasons as to why some people stay with violently abusive partners, because the one that is being abused unconsciously feels like he/she deserves to be threaten like that.
Do you perhaps have a minority complex or anything like that?
I can't be sure, but it could very well mean that it's caused by lack of self-esteem/self-worth.
zav943
Well-known member
Well, I mean...it's kind of a human instinct...to want what we can't have.
However, in the case of people with SA, it's much tougher to get over a crush because we (or at least moi) don't have too many other things to distract us from the person.
I know, in my experience, that there are some attractive girls who I'll fall in love with if they show me a bit of attention. Of course, it's not really love, but infatuation...but I become obsessed with them, even though all of them so far have been completely out of my league (or have boyfriends).
And it just doesn't stop...I will keep falling for girls like that over and over again.
Maybe you should give this a read:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/sharing-my-epiphany-with-you-28004/
However, in the case of people with SA, it's much tougher to get over a crush because we (or at least moi) don't have too many other things to distract us from the person.
I know, in my experience, that there are some attractive girls who I'll fall in love with if they show me a bit of attention. Of course, it's not really love, but infatuation...but I become obsessed with them, even though all of them so far have been completely out of my league (or have boyfriends).
And it just doesn't stop...I will keep falling for girls like that over and over again.
Maybe you should give this a read:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/sharing-my-epiphany-with-you-28004/
SilverFire
Well-known member
I've longed after people who were not interested in me, but I've never purposefully run after people who were emotionally unavailable. I require a lot of emotional connectivity with the person I love, so there's absolutely nothing in it for me if the person is a stone. Yuck. Total turn off. Buzzkill.
EscapeArtist
Well-known member
This.
I do it because, like me, they usually hide their emotions, and they let me hide mine. Wanting emotional support is something i'm ashamed of admitting, it's a very large secret desire
IamThisOne
Well-known member
A few months ago I became "friends" with this girl because she said she wanted to know me. She saw me sitting alone at a party at her house and said she wanted to know why I was sad. A month or two later we had a conversation and we related to each other quite a bit. I have never connected to a person like that before. She hugged me and kissed me, but she had a boyfriend. I kept telling myself that she didn't mean to do that, she was just drunk (she apologized for it the next day). However, like it always happens, I couldn't stop thinking about her. We would text each other some.
I guess because of SP I keep thinking that she does not actually want to be my friend. I think she is just using me for emotional support because she only texts me when she wants to complain and I heard girls do that to guys. I keep telling myself to forget about her, but there is this part of me that thinks there is a slim chance that we could form a relationship. She broke up with her boyfriend and is quite sad over it. I get kind of mad because I am tired of having feelings for her. Even though I don't want to I think I'm just going to ask her to leave me alone if she contacts me again.
I guess because of SP I keep thinking that she does not actually want to be my friend. I think she is just using me for emotional support because she only texts me when she wants to complain and I heard girls do that to guys. I keep telling myself to forget about her, but there is this part of me that thinks there is a slim chance that we could form a relationship. She broke up with her boyfriend and is quite sad over it. I get kind of mad because I am tired of having feelings for her. Even though I don't want to I think I'm just going to ask her to leave me alone if she contacts me again.
Tiercel
Well-known member
Forget barking up the wrong tree. I've always seemed to just bark at the tree and ignored who or what could possibly be up it. So now I tend to frequent salt marshes and meadows more than forests.
As I've become more isolated over the years I find that I tend to latch on to any women I come in contact with. At least emotionally. I'm amused by that, too, since I haven't barked up the right tree once in all my years of barking.
The end result? I long for female companionship more than almost anything else, but I've convinced myself that I shouldn't bark at all, lest I chase off any passersby. I've been telling myself that I'm completely undesirable for so long that even if a woman was interested in me (even just as a friend) I wouldn't notice even if she wrote me and explicitly told me so.
Why I do it is hard to explain. When I was young I went for pretty girls that I had absolutely nothing in common with, so I ended up dejected and alone. I've been trying to debark myself the past few years, though, so I haven't really pursued anyone at all. That whole low self esteem, afraid of not being good enough, and fear of more rejection thing again.
How to stop doing it? I've decided to let the women come out of the trees and approach me if they're interested. I always say things like, "And yes ladies, I'm still available," usually tied in with some self deprecating joke. In a way it's like telling them I'm interested, but afraid of making things uncomfortable and getting rejected again. And warning them not to expect too much from me up front.
And as of right now, I am still single.... Ladies?
As I've become more isolated over the years I find that I tend to latch on to any women I come in contact with. At least emotionally. I'm amused by that, too, since I haven't barked up the right tree once in all my years of barking.
The end result? I long for female companionship more than almost anything else, but I've convinced myself that I shouldn't bark at all, lest I chase off any passersby. I've been telling myself that I'm completely undesirable for so long that even if a woman was interested in me (even just as a friend) I wouldn't notice even if she wrote me and explicitly told me so.
Why I do it is hard to explain. When I was young I went for pretty girls that I had absolutely nothing in common with, so I ended up dejected and alone. I've been trying to debark myself the past few years, though, so I haven't really pursued anyone at all. That whole low self esteem, afraid of not being good enough, and fear of more rejection thing again.
How to stop doing it? I've decided to let the women come out of the trees and approach me if they're interested. I always say things like, "And yes ladies, I'm still available," usually tied in with some self deprecating joke. In a way it's like telling them I'm interested, but afraid of making things uncomfortable and getting rejected again. And warning them not to expect too much from me up front.
And as of right now, I am still single.... Ladies?