Avoiding Problems, Responsibilities and Life

LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
Cute icon :p anyway... i have avoidence issues too. I think it's best just to go through with what's needed and not overally push yourself. For instance write down your goals and determine the steps to get there. Just do what you can so you will love yourself more. It's hard to get along with others if you keep thinking you're not so great, etc. Also try to care less about what other people think because it will drive you crazy and it's easy to read people wrong and it's impossible to please everyone. Also you can change peoples minds for the better once they get to know you. Some people will think your wonderful and others won't but it will be okay.
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
@LazyHermitCrab. Thank you! I feel the Danbo character captures my personality very well. My illnesses (SA etc) makes me feel like I live in a costume unable to connect with most people. But, deep down inside, I want to.
All in all, I'm pretty likable. I just don't like myself..........I would make a list and have in the past but then I just avoid doing anything about it. I'm pretty hopeless.
 
buggy

buggy

Member
that sounds harsh. I can understand what you mean by feeling divided, lately I've found it easier to get along with people and I seem to be doing better but inside I feel worse than ever. but for you it is good that you have a positive and energetic side you can count on! Use this to your advantage and realize things are not as bad as they might seem sometimes. Also like LazyHermitCrab said, don't try too many things at once and deal with responsibilities in a fashion you can handle :)
 
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movielover21

Member
I think dealing with it before it deals with you maybe a good motto to abide by. If you're NOT your illness, right (judging by your title)? That means you are YOU and your illness comes second. Depression can be treated. I don't know if it can ever go away, but you sure can defeat the lies that come with it.

You can give yourself a million things to do and still get nowhere. I was in school, had two jobs with a lot of responsibility I'm surprised my head didn't split open or my heart didn't give out.

But while everything was going on, I was still aware of the problem I had. It was there. I was depressed and anxious, but I choose not to do anything about it and lick my wounds later. Waiting til later never works.

By giving yourself some positive reinforcement and changing your mindset (even just a little), can take the ease off of it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Other people are going through hell and they don't have the guts or resources to actually reach out like you are doing now. So you are not a procrastinator in that effect.

Also, there are probably more people like you than you're aware of. And way worse who need your help. I'm planning on volunteering at my local mission for Christmas. Not to help them, but to help ME. I need to bring some good in this world. By giving good back (whether they readily receives it) you are really working towards growing and understanding how life works.

By building more confidence in yourself, the destructive thoughts will come less and less often. You may be super busy, or you may not be. But you'll be needed by so many people. Your illness will be more like a little nag on your shoulder that you can easily flick away. Having someone that needs you makes life so much more worth fighting for, am I right?
 
Niceguy23

Niceguy23

Well-known member
I am the same way when I think about my problems I actually do have panic attacks Im starting to get really bad with avoiding people and It doesnt bother me now but I know it will one day. I have family and I dont keep in touch with them I have people who want to be friends with me but I push them away. I want to do better for myself but I just dont do it. and I hold off things till late like you said. Example I need to go to the dentist. but with looking up dentist online and picking up the phone calling calling them to see if they take my issuance is alot for me. last time I called to make an appointment the lady had a attitude and I just hung up things like that discourage me.
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Movielover21 You are right! I think the biggest step that I've made so far towards progress was to admit to myself and others of my illnesses. I actually did that two weeks ago by seeing a doctor. I've struggled with this for well over a decade.
I've learned from this forum that there are those who have it waaay worse than I do (even with my specific symptoms!). Then there are those with a different form of SA that is so severe they can't even go out of their house.
I've been humbled. I'm going to be more proactive and positive. I'm actually taking medication (something I thought I would never do). As others here on this forum have shown me, it could be worse.

Also, giving back is key-couldn't agree more! I do it on a small scale with those around me. After I get a little better, I would like to do volunteer work too. That would be awesome! Thanks for the great advice! :)
movielover21 said:
I think dealing with it before it deals with you maybe a good motto to abide by. If you're NOT your illness, right (judging by your title)? That means you are YOU and your illness comes second. Depression can be treated. I don't know if it can ever go away, but you sure can defeat the lies that come with it.

You can give yourself a million things to do and still get nowhere. I was in school, had two jobs with a lot of responsibility I'm surprised my head didn't split open or my heart didn't give out.

But while everything was going on, I was still aware of the problem I had. It was there. I was depressed and anxious, but I choose not to do anything about it and lick my wounds later. Waiting til later never works.

By giving yourself some positive reinforcement and changing your mindset (even just a little), can take the ease off of it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Other people are going through hell and they don't have the guts or resources to actually reach out like you are doing now. So you are not a procrastinator in that effect.

Also, there are probably more people like you than you're aware of. And way worse who need your help. I'm planning on volunteering at my local mission for Christmas. Not to help them, but to help ME. I need to bring some good in this world. By giving good back (whether they readily receives it) you are really working towards growing and understanding how life works.

By building more confidence in yourself, the destructive thoughts will come less and less often. You may be super busy, or you may not be. But you'll be needed by so many people. Your illness will be more like a little nag on your shoulder that you can easily flick away. Having someone that needs you makes life so much more worth fighting for, am I right?
Click to expand...
 
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MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
ImNotMyIllness said:
Hey Everyone!

I was wondering if there was anyone out there that could relate. This goes beyond just procrastinating (which, I do all the time). Lately, I've been analyzing myself and I've realized that I have major avoidance issues. Anything that is important or any major problem in my life, I just avoid. My way of dealing with it, is NOT TO DEAL.
My mental illness (Depression, OCD, SA) is a perfect example. I've been suffering with this for well over a decade. It has completely ruined my life. But, I kept denying it or I would throw myself in activities that require a tremendous amount of time and energy so that I would be too busy to deal with it....I only end up dealing with it when the problem becomes so big that it comes to me. Like my illness, I waited until my life resembled a scorched earth policy.....
When I think about my problems, I want to have a panic attack. If I dealt with them at the appropriate time, I would be fine. But, I can't seem to freak'n do this. I'm the type of person that if I had a medical issue, I would wait until I was bleeding out of my eyes before seeing a doctor.

..........I think part of the problem is that I've given up on life. I see myself as a defect. I'm not worth salvaging. Everyday is just another day of loneliness and humiliation. I HAVE ONE FOOT IN, AND THE OTHER FOOT OUT. On the one hand, I've given up and subconsciously working towards my own demise and self destruction..........The other side of me is very passionate and energetic. This part of me has allowed for some impressive accomplishments.

My innate passion for knowledge, my creativity and my sense of humor keep my going. But, I have no personal advocate. I am my own worst enemy. I'm divided against myself.

It's amazing that I haven't committed suicide. But, that's probably due to procrastination and avoidance. :question:
Click to expand...

you just described me:eek:h:
 
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ShadowCookie

Active member
I share your pain - I have actually had a few meetings to go to that could help me a lot, but I have avoided going to them because I am too scared - I feel like an absolute idiot, because I've been to similar ones before and they were totally fine, and I actually ended up enjoying myself, but since I've missed so many, I feel like it's even worse now than before, and I literally feel sick to my stomach when faced with the decision.

And, the funny thing is, it is totally voluntary, nobody will be angry if I don't go, so I'm just disappointing myself again, and feel like I am not progressing.

People think I'm just silly, but it's really hard to express how hard it is for me to do these things. It's really distressing.
 
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Atrus

Atrus

New member
Thank you all for sharing your stories and kind words. These major problems listed above have literally destroyed my life through the harsh payments of happiness, health and comfort, any meaningful existence, basic jobs and education, being available for the people in my life who I've cared for the most, my entire future.

Everything I've ever tried hasn't been good enough to help me.
 
hardy

hardy

Well-known member
Hey all...good post.

I was at rock bottom too. Lack of Hope is the cause, isn't it? When we have a solution to the problems...we can Hope to fight it out.

My solution and my hope is being aware all the time. Finding the truth about my UN-easiness...the anxious nature.

Discipline and working intelligently is very important for me. I sit for my meditation and i am so agitated that i just want to get up and be lazy. But i sit down for 2-3 hrs daily no matter what.... i improved from being absolutely dis-functional to able-to-cope with anxiety. I have learned to rest when i am tired and pick up myself again when i have energy...meditation does help.

It's not easy to be mindful when i am tired....so i take an easy job or give myself rest. Working Intelligently. Good Job, girls etc aren't important right now.....they can wait.
 
Gaucho

Gaucho

Well-known member
hello.

because of social anxiety I don't see my father, even if we live in the same city, iIdon't call him, he justs wants to see me and spend some time, but I don't like his family and my half brother, so I avoid the whole situation. I lost all my friends I once had, and am unable to make new ones. I cannot understand what I became over the last 4 years, I'm 20 now, into a complete different person, and I ask myself why? why did it have to develop like this.
im unlikable, I don't blame people who don't like spending time with me, I would probably never spend time with someone like me. everything just escalated. I can't even hide my anxiety anymore, today i went to class where I don't know anyone, and had to ask if I was in the correct place, they told me yes, and I stuttered something awkwardly like a 12 year old. they laughed how i behaved, but not with bad intentions, but more like "oh poor guy, have you seen him, he was so nervous" then in class I got a hyperhydrosis attack, I dropped sweat like a waterfall, my palms and feet were cold like a dead person.
Then a girl asked me something were I was born(because she saw my ID), and I answered with exactly 2 words, she just wanted to strt a conversation, but because of my selfhatred I dotn feel worthy people talking to me. i don't even understand how someone would want to start a conversation with me, i sure wouldn't.
Im avoiding everything, i can't enjoy any day.

I just want a friend, I need a really good friend more than a girlfriend, I just want to sincerely smile again and enjoy the moment.

how could I become like this? why? how is this even possible.

please god, if you exist, let me live, let me at least give me the strength to fight my problems, don't let me rot until my death.
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
Procrastinating was an elusive word for me. I never investigated in until recently. I had a vague self-interpreted understanding of it but have now resolved that... as I do in life. Done. in words - not conflict or violence
eg. Jason Statham (Transporter, etc), Matt Damon (Jason Bourne)

I thought the word was was about... Thinking... talking to myself. A lot of my time goes into that - studying - taking stock of status quo. OK. Now I've nailed it

Ambiguous chat to Dad and bro by phone about my situation.
Any people who are not like me; I have a problem getting on, where nothing is ever a problem for them. Everything's simple and perfect.
Rigid school motto in old Latin about hard work, and good experience in offices, teaching myself how to improve. I guess procrastinating applied to me, when I never had any definition of the word then. Preferring simple tasks to make me feel happier. Significant change due to job review and, later, other jobs. Prioritise. 1,2,3, in order. Do the hard stuff first do it. Tackle it. Good challenge to me in those days.

My interpretation for the weak of mind (my family - who never faced the real world) is 'giving up' which is, strangely, what people do with me... pass it off -family, and people I meet - can't be bothered to listen to me.

I have Elysium - teary moments - resorting to despair - quality, moving music, deep memories, staring at the sun or out of the window when raining.

But the definition for procrastinating means ignoring responsibility, forgetting, calming down - everything will be fine. No. I am an action man. Doing some hoovering, clearing up, on a grand scale, sure, but I look at the very biggest priorities first. Not pleasant, but can be overcome.

The root of my failure of communication with family and the rest of the world is their attitude and approach - a kiss & cuddle solves every problem in the world - Oxfam... But I'd rather be up against an army, holding a rocket-propelled grenade to do proper things to prevent people dying, where a kiss 'n' cuddle is pathetic. I'd rather be the one responsible for a new wind farm. That's a proper problem with a solution. Another all round fix would be to get minions and fools I have to face in this world to shut up and take me seriously, getting them to take on some other concepts with which they are not familiar, beyond the kiss & cuddle

Up late, concentrating on a new strategy to feed myself, sell or rent my property and find an alternative home...

It's all my privileged family who never had a problem, but spawned me to deal with my trouble. I guess the best way to get on could be to declare to my boss that there is no problem ... life is perfect! Playing this game has burdened me for too long
 
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mikebird

mikebird

Banned
Well

I wonder what a normal, family person would do if a grand scale disaster occurred, such as an earthquake, flood, power loss...bomb, to more than the individual, but their family and other, unrelated people or animals in the air or sea

the smiling indulgent person was simply robbed of possessions and any assets or services

or a terrorist arrived to rip out their nails, fingers, scorching their skin with heat or chemicals, wanting access to or knowledge of something... threatening their dependents?

Keep smiling? No anxiety? Relax & procrastinate? Not enough guts to stand up for themselves, mentally, spiritually or physically? Just pretend everything is easy, fun & lovely?

Maybe I watch too many movies?

The world is real. Prepare for ills. There is not a working theory to state that everything is easy and lovely for everyone.

I still am adamant that being prone to being bullied and prevented from doing what I have done, what I CAN do, what I want to do and what I need to do, to maintain my home and else, scrutinised and deemed unworthy by egotastic capitalistic fools... this should be categorised as a religion-related crime of horror and terrorism.

There are pre-school age children who have died in this world. There are ways to prevent this. Many fail to act. As a root, this solution is a simple tool: the condom.

A new law to promote from Anglo-Saxon rules spread throughout €urope, the Americas, etc

Ban wealthy simpletons. Not killing those existing; just make sure no more are born

Re-invent the recruitment social power over the intelligent
 
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