twiggle
Well-known member
Hello,
I'm new to the forum
I've been reading for a while and its been so nice finally realising that I'm not alone in the way I feel. I have never really been open about my paranoid thoughts to others, so have never really embraced the idea that I may have some kind of SA. I've tried to explain to people, but I can only get so far into describing it before they cut me off and pull that "don't be silly!" face.
Neither do I particularly wish to possibly become stigmatised by my peers as being somebody who they should be careful around for fear of upsetting.
I'm sorry if my question has been covered many times before.
Basically, I'm a bit of an avoidant. I'm very scared of rejection and as such, I often don't make attempts at things. I'm not just talking about achievements, but even contacting people. I can do it face to face, but not online. Its online socialising which is the problem.
Like, I'm never the first person to initiate contact. The problem is, this is even with my good friends. Say for example on FB Chat, or even generally sending messages, I don't do so first, because I'm scared that they won't reply and then I'll get paranoid as to why. Even if they do reply, I tend to analyse the way they've written things too much. Like the other day I wished somebody a Happy Birthday and they replied "Thanks..." and the elipsis nerved me a bit and I worried about it all morning - even though this person isn't somebody I'm particularly close to.
The problem is that I KNOW I probably come across to my friends as though I don't make an effort to talk to them. And that scares me, as they all mean such a lot to me.
I think it stems from back in school, I was really good friends with somebody who all of a sudden, one day started being really rude and ignoring me (1 syllable responses on MSN, telling me that I was "boring and p***ing her off") for absolutely no reason. She couldn't even look at me and I had no idea why until a few years later when she'd grown up a bit she told me that there was no reason, she'd just been in a bad mood about something and I just "seemed like the sort of person who'd put up with it".
So why am I still so scared now??
I've travelled lots and worked in lots of different places and met so many great, great people who when I've been WITH them there's never a problem. I'm not AS afraid to initiate conversations in person.
But online, I can't seem to do it, and I'm really scared that sooner or later I'm going to be accused of not making an effort with people, and they're going to ditch me as a friend.
Before anyone says it - its not an option for me to stop using the computer. With some of my friends who live in other continents its the only way I can keep within reach of them for free and so easily. There are also more pro's than cons to me using FB and besides which I'd rather learn how to deal with the problem head on than go around it.
Can anyone else relate to this feeling? Or does anyone have any tips on how to work through it?? I want to learn how, before its too late.
Thanks,
Twiggle x
P.S I'm sorry for having written an essay but I just wanted to be as informative as possible
I'm new to the forum
I've been reading for a while and its been so nice finally realising that I'm not alone in the way I feel. I have never really been open about my paranoid thoughts to others, so have never really embraced the idea that I may have some kind of SA. I've tried to explain to people, but I can only get so far into describing it before they cut me off and pull that "don't be silly!" face.
Neither do I particularly wish to possibly become stigmatised by my peers as being somebody who they should be careful around for fear of upsetting.
I'm sorry if my question has been covered many times before.
Basically, I'm a bit of an avoidant. I'm very scared of rejection and as such, I often don't make attempts at things. I'm not just talking about achievements, but even contacting people. I can do it face to face, but not online. Its online socialising which is the problem.
Like, I'm never the first person to initiate contact. The problem is, this is even with my good friends. Say for example on FB Chat, or even generally sending messages, I don't do so first, because I'm scared that they won't reply and then I'll get paranoid as to why. Even if they do reply, I tend to analyse the way they've written things too much. Like the other day I wished somebody a Happy Birthday and they replied "Thanks..." and the elipsis nerved me a bit and I worried about it all morning - even though this person isn't somebody I'm particularly close to.
The problem is that I KNOW I probably come across to my friends as though I don't make an effort to talk to them. And that scares me, as they all mean such a lot to me.
I think it stems from back in school, I was really good friends with somebody who all of a sudden, one day started being really rude and ignoring me (1 syllable responses on MSN, telling me that I was "boring and p***ing her off") for absolutely no reason. She couldn't even look at me and I had no idea why until a few years later when she'd grown up a bit she told me that there was no reason, she'd just been in a bad mood about something and I just "seemed like the sort of person who'd put up with it".
So why am I still so scared now??
I've travelled lots and worked in lots of different places and met so many great, great people who when I've been WITH them there's never a problem. I'm not AS afraid to initiate conversations in person.
But online, I can't seem to do it, and I'm really scared that sooner or later I'm going to be accused of not making an effort with people, and they're going to ditch me as a friend.
Before anyone says it - its not an option for me to stop using the computer. With some of my friends who live in other continents its the only way I can keep within reach of them for free and so easily. There are also more pro's than cons to me using FB and besides which I'd rather learn how to deal with the problem head on than go around it.
Can anyone else relate to this feeling? Or does anyone have any tips on how to work through it?? I want to learn how, before its too late.
Thanks,
Twiggle x
P.S I'm sorry for having written an essay but I just wanted to be as informative as possible
