Avoiding eating with friends

[abi_gail]

Hello all

I'm a newbie to this website so sorry if there has already been a post similar to this, but I need help!

I am 34 and for as long as I can remember I have avoided going out to eat socially with friends and even family. I get this feeling that I'm going to be sick or nauseous, even if I am starving so I mainly don't go. I'm not sure where this started but I've never been a big eater and as a child would pick at my food and parents would often say I'm not leaving the table until I finish my food.
Now at 34, I'm still not a big eater but am fine eating alone, now with my loving fiance or with someone I'm really comfortable with. In the past going on first dates to eat was always terrifying!! I would be hungry ( often I would try and not eat all day so I can attempt to eat and not feel sick) but that wouldn't work and often I'll sit there making an excuse that im feeling sick, was no longer hungry or the food wasn't nice. I'd think, are they looking at what I'm not eating, if I hadn't eaten a lot, I'd think they must think I wasted their money or are they thinking I've got some eating disorder. Yes I'm slim but I've been trying to put weight ON. Sometimes I just want to say 'I'm starving but for some reason I can't eat infront of you!!'
Sometimes having a buffet meal isn't so bad, I guess people aren't studying as much on what is being eaten but a sit down meal is the WORSE, I'd be fine when ordering, but then as the food comes, that sick feeling kicks in !!.

I hope I am making sense, I just need some help as many people, even close ones do not understand my situation, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

 

[karl:-/]

My parents done the same thing, had to think of the poor kids and finish my meal, now I'll bindge eat for a couple of days getting stocked up. After this I'll pick or just not eat for 2 days at a time.. I don't know if I've has a eating problem or if its because of my HH I choose not to eat some days even if I can hear my stomach going mad. It started to get bad so my mum put me in hospital,they told me after so many days your brain switches of hunger pains after 14 days they told me I had two options. Go on liquid food or try and get used to the texture of food. I chose liquid :-/ after a couple of more wks I started eating real food again thanks to ppl on here nd close friends. I eat like a horse now. Try too eat little and often get your stomach used to food being their, now your 34 try not to see the food as a challenge. "i must finish" those days are over your in charge. If people say "you haven't ate much" say yea kinda had a big breakfast. I know people with out eating problems and they still won't eat on a date. They say their worried incase the way they eat puts their date off.. I say to that aslong as you don't eat like a pig/ take your time enjoy your meal and the company... Who cares if you don't finish, eat regular feel full and feel good... Hope this helps

 

[abi_gail]

Thanks Karl, and glad you are eating and enjoying food now. Glad there are sites like these for help. I think aswell as not being able to eat properly socially as I get paranoid or anxious and get a sick feeling, I think you are spot on in that I see food as a challenge and don't enjoy it, I more see it as something I just have to do to sustain.

 

[Hoppy]

I hate eating with people at the same table. I can go to a restaurant alone and eat without any problems, as long as I do not have to talk with people.

The problem is that at any social occasion I end up feeling sick after eating.

My memories of Christmas day isn't very nice.

 

[karl:-/]

Hi abit, that's the way i see food now, just away to sustain and keep living. HH don't help social situations but my new meds seem to be working. Now its a battle with my head to get out the house, but I'm anxious incase my sweating will start again while out side... I'm 26 and feel like I need to hold someones hand as a security blanket.... I'm getting heart flutters thinking of going out by my self even tho the meds do seem to be working. CRY :-( HELP!!!!

 

[abi_gail]

**big hug** I do not know a lot about HH to comment, but I'm guessing its one step at a time, you'll be fine.

Also as most people I know have said 'its all in my head' regarding social eating and feeling sick, I have been afraid to seek help from doctors, however do you think I should go, and if so to a doctor?, phychiatrist? Etc

 

[crazypants]

Wow, so people who aren't fat have anxiety about eating with other people? I thought it was just people like me!

For me, it's not so much eating with people I know, it's more eating with people I don't know, and having strangers watch me eat. As an overweight person, I feel judgement in all kinds of ways from people in public, but eating is a BIG one. No matter what I'm eating, I can feel the gaze of skinny people and I know they're thinking, "God, put the fork down for once and go for a jog or something!" Even if it's a freaking salad. I know how some people are - just seeing fat people disgusts them in some visceral way.

Watch any news story about the big obesity epidemic and they show shot after shot of a fat person sitting on a bench eating an ice cream cone, or a fat person eating a hamburger... because apparently they think that's all we do!

 

[karl:-/]

Abi, I got put in hospital by my mum becuase I wouldn't eat.. so yes I'd go see a doctor not so much a phychiatrist your not nutts hun. You just have a problem with food go to the docs and tell him the same as you posted. He may say you've had a traumatic relationship with food and send you to see a food therapist to regain your relationship... Thanks for my hugs too one step at a time,

 

[LaurenG]

I'm the same!! I cant eat in front of people (restaurants, and when i was in school etc.) I've been like that for years, i hate when people keep asking me to eat, just makes me even worse! I only eat at my house now.
I hope you feel better soon!

 

[karl:-/]

I know and understand how some people hate the texture of the food.. this is gona Sound mental, but now that I eat,I have goals to put weight on as I'm 6ft 1in and feel too skinny for my height.
Here's the daft part.

I feel like I suffer with body dismorphia I never get any bigger, I still feel like a teenager....

do you think peoples problems with food can come down to body issues made worse by what they see in magazines?? Ask your self are you scared to put weight on??

I might not have muscle in the right places,but my heart is

 

[abi_gail]

I don't actually have a problem with the texture of food or the fear of putting on weight as I actually wish I could. I like my shape just want to put on a stone or more. My problem is just having a sick feeling when having to go out and eat in restaurants, and sit down meal at friends/families. Maybe its in my head and I get myself wound up the day before. Buffet meals are not so bad, its sit down/formal meals that's difficult.

 

[karl:-/]

I'm gona do some research see what I come up with I'll post back hopefully we can nip it in the butt.
Sounds Crazy suffering like that... I just don't go out because of my sweating,

Speak soon lol

 

[abi_gail]

I've now been asked to go out for a meal in 3 weeks time and its already making me anxious and wanting to cancel! Arrrrgh but I'm going to try not to, but who knows when the time approaches :/

 

[Foxface]

I've now been asked to go out for a meal in 3 weeks time and its already making me anxious and wanting to cancel! Arrrrgh but I'm going to try not to, but who knows when the time approaches :/

Same here, I don't like eating in front of strangers, one thing when going into a resturant, I always sit on the inside and stay concealed.

 

[Facethefear]

In my younger years, I could not sit in a chair at a table in the middle of a restaurant across the table from other diners unless I had alcohol in me prior to arriving. I preferred a booth with high sides with my back to the majority of people. If a man asked me out to dinner, I would choose a food I could eat with my hands (pizza, hamburger, ice cream cone, etc. ) so he would not see my hand shaking while holding a fork. Usually I vetoed the suggestion by lying about being on a fast. There were a few times, my throat seized up so tightly I almost choked! I was more of an ordeal than a fun time. The thought of me eating alone at a table in a busy restaurant was beyond my capability and panic inducing. I just knew everyone would be watching me and wondering why I was dining solo. I ate in the privacy of my own home in front of the TV alone - fast and sloppy.
After menopause, I quit drinking entirely and discovered that I wasn't as selfconcious as before and now I can actually consume edibles and swallow liquids in public. Of course, at my age, no one notices anything I do.

 

[vse2008]

I am very particular about food and very sensitive to criticism about it. I don't like going out to eat socially because there's not much I like. It's always a hassle to pick a place with something I'll like, or try to find something on the menu that I'll like. Then people ask why I always order the same thing.

Food is such a center-piece of social situations. I've insulted people in the past because I wouldn't eat something they had prepared. I hate it when someone tells me I should try this or try that, or they say "Isn't this really good?" I pretend and go along because it's easier than explaining.