Are you bad at taking your turn (knowing when to speak) in conversations?

[BlackPuma]

I usually wait for a silent moment, or a question. Though, coming up with something to say about the subject can be difficult.

 

[Phoenixx]

Firewalk is absolutely right - there are non-verbal cues. Possibly Phoenixx has improved by subconsciously picking up what the cues are. Everyone learns this subconsciously, which is why no-one can explain it if you ask them, and why Phoenixx has no idea why she has improved. If someone has social phobia, they are not paying enough attention either to learn the cues or recognise them if they do know them.

^ That is very interesting. Didn't even think about subconsciously learning something. I apologize for missing your post, Firewalk. You're definitely dead on about the non-verbal cues.

 

[Rose_Red]

I'm really bad at conversations in general.
I don't know when to speak, when not to speak and I don't even know how to say what I want to and I end up not making any sense.
If there's a silent pause, I don't always know whether I should speak or not. I talk too fast, which jumbles up my sentences, or talk too slow where I mumble and stutter on all my words.
I always seem to mis interpret what has been said, and if a question is asked I'm not always sure that it was a question, and I leave an awkward silence :/

 

[Agon]

I'm usually fine at, say, a three-way conversation. But I don't think I can handle 6 or more people. I get hyper-aware of myself and my surroundings and I'm too busy being anxious to actually listen to what the others are saying, much less speak up.

There are people who hog the entire conversation, and somehow everyone just gets swept up by it and then the convo steers in his direction. I try sometimes to interject without seeming rude, but it just gets drowned out by somebody's comment and I just go back to listening and... sitting there. The anxiety, plus the annoying feeling of being ignored, leaves me just steaming in the corner. This is how pretty much every group conversation goes for me.

 

[dicotomy]

omg, i'm so glad I saw this thread. I don't recall having this problem, but in the last 5 yrs I've noticed, in grps where I'm not entirely comfortable with everyone. I have problems interjecting myself in conversations. I thought it was just me and I was just socially retarded ( I guess I need to remind myself that I'm not THAT special and things only happen to me :] ) it def. makes me feel better that others feel the same way.

 

[Richey]

i find that in meetings and at parties around groups, my timing is often really off the mark and people will talk over me not because i don't speak loud enough but because others just want to be heard as being more important in a sense, because they are used to dominating a conversation ...it sort of makes me realise that none of it really matters anyway in that situation, i am far more switched on with 1 or 2 people around me then in a group of 3-10 or more.

 

[deleted user 1]

I've noticed that in most conversations, people are really, really good at turn-taking.

That is, people seem to know exactly when to say something, without interrupting another person mid-sentence, yet allowing almost no silence to come in between them either.

Now I know sometimes a person ends up interrupting another person, speaking at the same time, etc. but that seems to be the exception not the rule.

Unfortunately I almost always end up interrupting or speaking on top of another person :: - I just can't seem to find that right timing to speak. To avoid this I might actually wait for there to be a true "silence" before I say something. But all this usually ends up doing is making the conversation really "broken" and stilted - not the seamless conversation I observe other people having.

It's either that or if they're a talkative person, they would just keep talking and talking, probably because they don't like silence. Then at the end of it all they'll be like "why don't you ever say something?" (And I'll be like "... because I didn't want to interrupt you!" :

It only gets worse with group conversations, I can never "squeeze" myself in because everyone is so good at knowing when to speak.

Pauses in conversation is a good thing. It's like music, a melody with little regard for rests as well as tempo and rhythm, ends up being a garbled and chaotic mess. People that talk with no pauses tend to be the kind that make it very difficult to join in a conversation. And when they are in a flow, they'll fight you for airtime.

 

[deleted user 1]

I'm really bad at conversations in general.
I don't know when to speak, when not to speak and I don't even know how to say what I want to and I end up not making any sense.
If there's a silent pause, I don't always know whether I should speak or not. I talk too fast, which jumbles up my sentences, or talk too slow where I mumble and stutter on all my words.
I always seem to mis interpret what has been said, and if a question is asked I'm not always sure that it was a question, and I leave an awkward silence :/

I struggle to actually get the words out. I can't do conversations at all. One on one or in groups. When I think of conversations right now, I have no problem thinking of what I could say, but in practice, nothing. It's something more than just not knowing what to say. I don't know about others here, but I am completely cut off, and cannot finction to the degree where I could even put myself in a situation with another person.