Anyone feel like they have no goal in life?

[bsebring]

Honestly, I think that's where a lot of my SA comes from. In high school I was extremely nervous about not living up to my own expectations. I didn't know where I fit in and I was and still am way to hard on myself. However, my senior year I took an art class and I fell in love with drawing and painting. It was my release. When I graduated high school I decided to change and I became very open to new experiences. My first year of college I wanted to prove to myself and others that I was worth something. I was doing great and I was on the deans list. Plus, I was living healthier mentally and physically.
Anyways, my plan was to finish my electives first at a local branch then commute to the main university and start my course work that related to my major. The commute this year hit me hard. Since I finished my electives I had to start my graphic design classes just to realize its not for me. Everyday was a struggle. It got to the point I was having panic attacks everyday and started getting chest pains. I couldn't sleep or think straight. Now, I dropped all but one courses and I feel so lost. I have no idea what to do with my life. I really want to finish college but I don't know if I can. SA completely creeped back into my life and I feel incredibly discouraged. I went from wanting to start a family and live my life like a "normal" person (for lack of a better term) to just wanting to survive without living in the projects. Every career I look into just looks way to hard for me. Even if I do get a BA, I don't know if I'll be able to get a job due to my intense fear of failure and lack of communication skills. At this point I'm extremely discouraged and I've lost my love for art which was kind of the only thing I had going for myself. I've worked really hard to change in the past three year but now I'm wasting it all. I just wish I could gain my confidence back because I really can't get anywhere in life without it. Btw sorry for the rambling but I just needed to vent.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Bsebring, that's a real shame that you have lost your passion for art.. Are you sure it's completely gone, if you still want it back??? If you are sad that you lost it, it might still remain, just without the motivation.

I can relate 100% to that fear of failure, and thus thinking all jobs seem way too difficult. Perfectionism, or nothing. This is the same reason I have dropped out of highschool. Do you actually want a full time job? A lot of the time, a part time job is enough to sustain a simple life... (Also they seem to be easier to keep in this economy). Just don't stress about it, take away social standards, focus on what you want without the influence of the world, what makes you happiest if you were invisible, whether a BA, full time job, to be an artist, or the work min. wage, believe you can get there, because you very well can if you were honest when you said you wanted it!

 

[fitftw]

there is no ultimate goal, except dying.

 

[Ranjeet]

I had no Goals in my Life, Until i felt in Love. Now i have goals and that is earn lots of money, so i can marry and we can live happily.

 

[bsebring]

Thanks for the advise escape artist, it's nice to know someone understands without thinking I'm just being lazy or full of myself. I just need time to think about what I want to do without anyone rushing me. I want a career I can enjoy for the rest of my life and in order to do that I really just need to take the time to sit down assess my life. I'm sure things will start getting better once I start working towards a goal but I just need to figure what they are.

 

[Feathers]

bsebring, I got really disillusioned with art teaching school too.. and had severe anxiety (with huge stomachache, to the point of throwing up sometimes) before mondays when we had a particularly 'nasty' graphics teacher.. he was always criticising etc. What really helped was when an ex-student (who had finished that school) told me about the professors and their own little insecurities (eg they wanted to be full-time artists and were miserable to have to do teaching for living, etc. and this guy's particular not-strengths and admirations (eg good in detail but not expressive), and so I could look and see what he admires and go for that style and totally won his admiration lol.. I also did affirmations about it, first I couldn't believe it, but then joked about it, and it happened, he got really enthusiastic about my work..

So, what I want to say: art/graphics schools really differ A LOT!! Professors differ a lot too.. If you liked art/design but didn't like that school, consider asking around and take another route...

There's a quite famous Japanese manga writer/illustrator who had no formal training.. TV series and films have been made about her life..

Also, with the economic situation as it is now, your career can take many turns and changes, and maybe you just need to figure out 'next' interesting thing to try not 'whole of it'... you can then keep at it if you like it or adjust and do something else.. it's difficult to find what you like without actually trying it.. so ask around, interview people doing interesting things, volunteer or work part time, do internships or work experience etc.

 

[UnOccupied]

I know i have a purpose in life, although i don't know what that is yet. I look forward to the future, while trying to enjoy the present as best i can(which i have been quite successful at lately).

I figure in the future, i will be over my SA, have at least a girlfriend, maybe a wife, have a good job, learn 3 languages, and learn to play the guitar. That is basically my dreams in life. The first and most apparent goal of mine is to feel consistent enough to not let me SA affect me from doing what i want to do. I mean, its not like im one of those people who dreams big and does nothing. I practice CBT RELIGIOUSLY, and am constantly making small steps to overcome my SA. I constantly read motivation quotes, books, and try to always say motivated. I try to keep on top of things, and i basically just try to do things that will benefit me in the future, while not beating myself up over my small mistakes.

I have been having glimpses lately where i say to myself, "wow, i actually love my life." Haha, sounds corny, but it's a fun feeling.

 

[shellshackled]

I have no idea what to do with my life. I really want to finish college but I don't know if I can. SA completely creeped back into my life and I feel incredibly discouraged. I went from wanting to start a family and live my life like a "normal" person (for lack of a better term) to just wanting to survive without living in the projects. Every career I look into just looks way to hard for me. Even if I do get a BA, I don't know if I'll be able to get a job due to my intense fear of failure and lack of communication skills. At this point I'm extremely discouraged and I've lost my love for art which was kind of the only thing I had going for myself. I've worked really hard to change in the past three year but now I'm wasting it all. I just wish I could gain my confidence back because I really can't get anywhere in life without it.

Your story is somewhat similar to my own. And I feel exactly the same way you do: I've lost my love for art too, and now I feel completely lost.

Here's my story:

After high school, I went to a local community college. I went there for 2 years and was ONE class away from finishing an Associate's degree in Art. That class was Public Speaking. I just couldn't face it... So, I decided to transfer to a university and go after a Bachelor's degree in Art (I hoped the univ. I transferred to didn't require a public speaking class... and, it turns out, it didn't. I thought I was in the clear there.) However, almost every art class I took required weekly oral critiques and at least one speech in front of the class per semester. Somehow I managed to suffer through that hell for a year and a half... but the classes just got more and more demanding (as far as the public speaking went).

Eventually, I snapped, deciding I couldn't take the stress anymore. So, I quit and moved out to CA with my parents. After 2 years of working as a cashier in CA, I was lucky enough to get laid off due to company downsizing. At that point, I was beyond sick of working with the public anyway so I decided to give college ANOTHER try. I went to another university for a little under a week before having the second major panic attack of my life (the first was when I started high school). Needless to say, I - once again - tucked my tail between my legs and ran away as fast as possible. For over a year after that, I tried to find a job and couldn't, so I stayed in my parent's house and wallowed in self pity for what seemed like forever.

Then, after I felt like I was losing my mind from doing that, I decided to go to ANOTHER school (another community college this time), and try to get a Web Master certificate. (My logic there was that I might not have to do as much public speaking taking computer-related classes... also, I'd have a much better chance finding a job in that field.) This time around, I managed to get through 4 classes before having a 3rd major panic attack and cutting my losses.

Well, that's my experience... Sorry that must have been insanely long and tedious to read.