Anyone else hate being told to "move on?"

[SierraSage]

I don't know if this bothers anyone else, but nothing makes me want to get in my bed, turn off my phone, and never speak to anyone but my cat again like someone telling me to "get over" something or "move on."

I hate it because I am one of those people who will sit and listen to someone talk something out for years. Unless I think you are trying to insult me or mess with me somehow by bringing up a topic..it truly does not bother me to listen to you. I am not saying "years" to make a point here. I literally listened to my now former best friend talk about a guy she was having an affair with for about a year, and I listened to another friend confide in me about an abusive relationship for about the same amount of time.

Yet any time something is bothering me...even if it's only a few days after the incident...somebody will inevitably tell me to "move on" or "get over it."

I don't think it's fair that everyone else seems to be allowed to go on and on about something...but when I am upset over something...I'm just supposed to shrug it off as though it were nothing more serious than missing an episode of my favorite tv show or not being able to find anything good to read at the library today.

Anytime someone tells me that, I just want to never open up to anyone ever again...or listen to anyone.

 

[laure15]

I also don't like it when people downplay my problems and tell me to just "move on." They don't know the trauma I've suffered. There was one person who called me a "coward" for not doing what he thinks I should be doing, even though I've told him about the abuse I've suffered.

To truly move on, we need some sort of therapy or healing.

 

[MikeyC]

Sierra, I don't think it's someone telling you to "move on" that is the real issue. I feel it's the injustice you feel listening to others while you get nothing in return.

I agree that it's not a good thing to hear, especially if it's something that's really bothering you. If someone else is telling you to move on or get over it, it's because 1. they don't think it's a big deal, 2. they wouldn't be so affected, or 3. they think you are being dramatic. In either case, it's probably not a good idea to discuss such issues with these types of people. Talk to people you trust that will listen, be compassionate, and sympathise.

 

[R3K]

I call this yuppie-language... lazy clichés people use to get out of a conversation they don't want to have.

sounds like ppl come to you and vent, and you give them that satisfaction of listening and discussing their problems with them. you're on this site cause you're somewhat of an introvert, I imagine, which means it's in your nature to do this. sounds like your friends are lazy affirmation-seekers who just want you to validate everything they're thinking/saying to make themselves feel better. and when it's time to return the favor they cop out with these quick little "get over it" lines because they don't know how to use their brains to help other ppl.

just my opinion tho, based on the info you're givin me :bigsmile:

 

[SierraSage]

Thanks for your support and understanding. Yes, that is true...everybody. People do feel welcome to vent to me, but then I normally don't get the same thing in return...or if I do..the person would act like I owed them big time..or they'd get angry at me..when I didn't get angry at them.

I think the problem is the underlying message "You are not important. Everybody else is, but not you" that these words or ones like them bring.