kelskellian
Active member
I need help with conquering low self esteem...I'm tired of feeling like a freak cuz I'm not comfortable in my own skin and I'm a good looking girl,just need to build confidence...help
any tips for gaining confidence and being comfortable in my own skin?
- Thread starter kelskellian
- Start date
Wearing good, fashionable clothes help, at least for me. When I imagine myself wearing fashionable, good-looking clothes, I feel more confident, stand taller, and smile more. It's just too bad that my wardrobe is horribly outdated. I'm not even good-looking, just ok, but I find that dressing nicely makes me feel better about myself because I don't have to worry about people pointing me out for my bad fashion sense (happens a lot in the past).
kihira
1
"Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: This information package is designed to provide you with some information about low self-esteem - how it develops, how it is maintained, and how to address this problem."
Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training
Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training
hardy
Well-known member
Intellectually and physically we have matured but unknowingly we have held our emotional development back. This is the reason why we don't feel a sense of Self and this lack of a sense of self impacts on our ability to fully recover from our anxiety disorder
Emotionally we are still relating to ourselves and the world around us as we did as children. This is not to say we are 'childish', but we see ourselves through the eyes of the child we once were and "it is within this framework that we relate to our panic and anxiety. This is the reason why our disorder has so much power over us." (1)
As children, all of us, whether we are coming from an abuse background or not, learnt from a very early age that who we were was 'not good enough'. While this may not have been intentional, as children we did not have the intellectual and logical abilities to be able to decipher the many messages we received from parents and other people.
When we were angry as children, we were told in no uncertain terms that being angry was definitely not acceptable so we suppressed it. We did the same with our grief /sadness. Boys were told they must not cry. So too were many eldest daughters. They were told to stop crying and go and look after their brothers and sisters! We suppressed our creativity, spontaneity, joyfulness, playfulness, as in many instances, these were also seen as not being acceptable. So too our wants and needs. These were seen to be selfish and so, as with other aspects of ourselves, we suppressed them.
Overall, we suppressed the building blocks of an authentic sense of self and created a self who we thought would be more acceptable to other people. We became who we think we should be, so that we would have the love and caring we needed, how ever tenuous that may have been. While this is very basic human need, it is the number one motivator for every single interaction we have with other people. And as adults, we are still suppressing a more authentic sense of self in the pursuit of trying to ensure everyone likes/loves/cares for us.
The suppression/denial of a more authentic sense of self, means we have not learnt to trust ourselves, we certainly don't trust our ability to recover, and we are in constant conflict with ourselves by continually criticising and 'beating' up on ourselves. This in itself creates much of our underlying anxiety.
We are also extremely passive people. "We have needed to be passive as this is part of the ideal of who we think we should be and being passive ensures that we don't express any of our emotions." (1) Despite the onslaught of our disorder we respond to it in a passive way. No matter how hard we try and fight to get control over our disorder, it escalates and our fears and sense of helplessness increase. Any sense of anger that we feel towards our disorder is turned back on our self and we blame ourselves for our disorder and our inability to fully recover.
But we are not helpless ! We can learn to develop a more authentic sense of self and we can learn to take the power back from our disorder permanently.
source:Anxiety Panic Hub Assistance for people with an Anxiety Disorder - Home Page
Emotionally we are still relating to ourselves and the world around us as we did as children. This is not to say we are 'childish', but we see ourselves through the eyes of the child we once were and "it is within this framework that we relate to our panic and anxiety. This is the reason why our disorder has so much power over us." (1)
As children, all of us, whether we are coming from an abuse background or not, learnt from a very early age that who we were was 'not good enough'. While this may not have been intentional, as children we did not have the intellectual and logical abilities to be able to decipher the many messages we received from parents and other people.
When we were angry as children, we were told in no uncertain terms that being angry was definitely not acceptable so we suppressed it. We did the same with our grief /sadness. Boys were told they must not cry. So too were many eldest daughters. They were told to stop crying and go and look after their brothers and sisters! We suppressed our creativity, spontaneity, joyfulness, playfulness, as in many instances, these were also seen as not being acceptable. So too our wants and needs. These were seen to be selfish and so, as with other aspects of ourselves, we suppressed them.
Overall, we suppressed the building blocks of an authentic sense of self and created a self who we thought would be more acceptable to other people. We became who we think we should be, so that we would have the love and caring we needed, how ever tenuous that may have been. While this is very basic human need, it is the number one motivator for every single interaction we have with other people. And as adults, we are still suppressing a more authentic sense of self in the pursuit of trying to ensure everyone likes/loves/cares for us.
The suppression/denial of a more authentic sense of self, means we have not learnt to trust ourselves, we certainly don't trust our ability to recover, and we are in constant conflict with ourselves by continually criticising and 'beating' up on ourselves. This in itself creates much of our underlying anxiety.
We are also extremely passive people. "We have needed to be passive as this is part of the ideal of who we think we should be and being passive ensures that we don't express any of our emotions." (1) Despite the onslaught of our disorder we respond to it in a passive way. No matter how hard we try and fight to get control over our disorder, it escalates and our fears and sense of helplessness increase. Any sense of anger that we feel towards our disorder is turned back on our self and we blame ourselves for our disorder and our inability to fully recover.
But we are not helpless ! We can learn to develop a more authentic sense of self and we can learn to take the power back from our disorder permanently.
source:Anxiety Panic Hub Assistance for people with an Anxiety Disorder - Home Page
coyote
Well-known member
try to stay present in the moment - outside your brain
living in your head, you become victim to your own thinking
try to get involved in what is going on around you, get involved with what other people are doing and saying and not in what you think they are thinking
the less you think, the less you think about yourself
living in your head, you become victim to your own thinking
try to get involved in what is going on around you, get involved with what other people are doing and saying and not in what you think they are thinking
the less you think, the less you think about yourself
dean01
Well-known member
hi theres only one way i know to build self asteem/confidence ands thats to try, try and try again . everytime you repeat something weather its going to the shops or going out on dates you build confidence and it becomes a little bit easier each time.
i do like the idea of clothes as mentioned above
i do like the idea of clothes as mentioned above
kelskellian
Active member
Thanks guys for the input,I'm am having such a bad mental help day lol my walk changes when.I'm anxious and I stiffen up:-(,I think everyone is going to notice...just not a good day but I will definately put all this into practice,I. deserve a anxious free life lol but not really lol
teandtoast
Well-known member
I'm same wearing fashionable clothes and stuff (though others at work may question my bright shirts etc), I'm not sure it helps my confidence but is 1 less thing people can laugh at me about and 1 less thing for me to worry about looking badly for.
It can have the other effect though that people think you're arrogant and stuff because you wear expensive/designer clothes (though I don't see it like that just because someone wants to look nice).