Anxiety and Sex

[MercySparx]

Hi, I'm new here. I was diagnosed with social phobia when I was 13 after some panic attacks and hysterical fits at school. I consider myself to be pretty much "over it" I'm no longer on medication, infact now that I'm an adult I'm rather outgoing. Sometimes I still get the physical symptoms of anxiety before I go out, or when I'm in a new situation, which once I identify I usually just have a smoke and relax. There is one situation in which I can't seem to get over unless I'm intoxicated or barely conscious. Its during sex, I'm worried so much that I can't enjoy it, I put it off ("Uhh... I have a headache?") and I try to find ways to rush it and get it over asap. It really has a negative on my relationships. Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?

 

[MikeyC]

Hi MercySparx.

I may not be the best person for advice here, as I'm a 25-year-old virgin, but I tend to get anxious when things get intimate and I do whatever I can to avoid the situation.

All I can suggest to you is try to make the situation as smooth as possible and to not rush. Your partner wants to have sex with you so, if he's a decent guy, he will make sure you're comfortable all the time. But I think the key is to just relax before it happens and slowly lead into it.

As I said, I'm not the best guy to answer but I'm going by what I should be doing, too!

 

[kilojoule]

Yup yup I freaked out about sex for years....but I lost my virginity in the very bad way. If I can get over my issues with sex, anyone can.

Best advice, If you feel yourself freezing up, instead of willing yourself to be relaxed, listen to yourself, why are you freezing up? What is it making you uncomfortable? Because there is most definitely a reason. And until you resolve it, the problem will continue or even worsen if you try to force your way past it.

 

[Section_31]

not to get into the TMI field here....

My wife has this problem, mostly because it occurs when i try to be spontanious and she wasnt expecting me to make a move on her. Its just becasue for her its an unexpected event and she has to plan it, whereas for me, im like a lightswitch, LOL, any time any where.

Weve talked about it, and for her what makes it easiest is we talk about it that day in the morning, she'll ask if i think ill be in the mood later (depending on the day of the week and how busy I am at work) and ill give her my answer, and at least in her mind she knows its a possibility, and isnt suprised by it. In fact shes actually relaxed and enjoyed it much more now that she gets time to get into the mood for herself...

Now, that said, i dont know if this is the situation you are in, but i thought our story may be helpful.

 

[MercySparx]

I know what is making me feel this way, anxiety about the act itself. I don't know how to overcome it.

 

[MikeyC]

I know what is making me feel this way, anxiety about the act itself. I don't know how to overcome it.

That kind of does sound like me. Unfortunately I have anxiety about sex and I can't really answer your question, sorry. ::

 

[Kiwong]

I could possible be anxious about the act. Not that my anxiety would let me get through the various stages involved entering into human interaction that could possibly lead to sex.

Possibly there is some sort of sexual tension or repression making you worry about sex. There could a sex therapist that might help.

 

[MercySparx]

I had this one boyfriend when I was younger, he was older and intimadating as hell. When we started seeing eachother I used to pop a codiene to relax. Not that that is in anyway a solution... More of a gateway to drug abuse.