An observation I overlooked

[cowboyup]

We just got back from a theme park and I had fun. But one of the things I had observed was the fact that parents didn't shy away from letting their kids ride on roller coasters, etc.

I know, so what? So what's your point...

Well, my fear of roller coasters, driving, living in general...I realized stemmed (or partly stem) from how I grew up with my parents saying to me things like:

"Don't go on that, it's scary, you'll be scared"

"no, you can't learn to drive, even though you are 30 years old, it's too hard, you'll never understand"

"oh, I wouldn't do that, it's too dangerous"

"No, don't do that, it's scary"

"I would never drive down the Cajon Pass, it's very scary and the car might break down"

"you can't take that class in school, it's too hard to learn, you'll never get it"

"oh, you'll never get that job, it's way over your head, besides, you wouldn't like to work there"

These are just a few (emphasize FEW) of the things that were said to me over and over again. My SIL and brother let their son go on a roller coaster (with supervision) ride a bumper car, etc...and encouraged having fun.

I realized while observing this that it IS OK to have fun and let go. From what I was told early on as a child, I felt fear at every step I made. This translated into me being a scared adult....as a result, I was terrified to learn to drive, to go anyplace on my own, and to this day, I am afraid of roller coasters, to drive on the expressway, (many other things, but too many to go into here)

I am glad that my brother and SIL are NOT like this and now I feel like this was such an eye opener and yet I am so very angry at my parents ingraining this in me -- fear in general.

Why did they do this? Perhaps it started out innocently enough, they didn't want me to get hurt or were protecting me. But it escalated into my adult life so much that I now carry that fear with me, with everything thing I do and every decision I make, I feel fearful of.

So, what are your thoughts? Did you grow up in similar situation, or ?

Please note: I am not solely putting blame on them, I am pointing out that this is probably where some of my issues come from.
And I use 'roller coasters' as a general example, nothing more. lol

 

[Ads7800]

This is extremely relatable!

My family were far over protective during childhood and highly discouraging of activities that may involve even minimal amounts of risk, let alone anything highly challenging.

In addition, there was a tendency for being overly strict when there was no constructive reason to be so. Example: when I threw a gutterball in ten pin bowling on my first day ever bowling as an eight year old, my grandparents chastised me and kept on my back until I was regularly hitting pins. Not only in bowling, but much else gained criticism.

Pile upon this regular daily bullying from school peers and a natural tendency towards sensitivity and you have a recipe for social anxiety!

But, as you say, holding on to such angst is unhealthy. It's just as important to let it go as it is to understand it may be the root of the issue.

 

[Bo592]

My parents told me to never talk to strangers that it was dangous and wrong and scary. Now that I am all growed up now life is telling me that my life fell apart because I was not able to talk to strangers that I need to talk to stranger in order to get ahead to get a job to find friends or even to just plan pay the Bills. I feel mislead by my parents too. I love my parents and I know they done their best. I just wish I would of been better prepared as adult.

 

[cowboyup]

Yup! I totally get that feeling as well. I feel my parents let me down as a result of this. Again, I don't want to put the blame solely on them, but for me at least, I feel that a lot of what I am experiencing as an adult, I can contribute to them. And like I said, it probably started innocent enough, wanting to be protective and such, but how quickly that escalates out of control.

I too wish I would have been better prepared and better able to handle things as an adult.

 

[jaim38]

Exactly. My parents were overprotective of me when I was little. No talking to strangers except when help is needed, no sleepovers, and even no door keys or mailbox keys (my mom wouldn't trust those with me). Add to this my mom's paranoia and deep mistrust of people especially neighbors. We've lived in so many places yet didn't manage to fit in anywhere. Plus my mom never once encouraged originality or creativity on our part. Growing up she tells me to "be more like that goody goody friend of yours" or "copy that girl - she's a good role model". And it made me look awkward with my friends because they see me copying them and wanted to pull away.