ChrisN
Active member
I never really consider myself an attractive guy because most of my childhood consisted of being bullied by guys and tease by pretty girls. I had no friends and being alone really damage my physical and emotional self. I cringed every day because my parents had to drop me off early and I knew I would be sitting alone in the corner while everyone else would see me as a loner, and that feeling I never want to experience again. During lunch I had to hide in the restroom.
Moving forward to college, I finally made two really special friends. A week later out of the blue I develop social anxiety and my world went upside down. I couldn't talk, I couldn't stay in class, and I had panic attack everywhere I go. During this time I noticed that a lot of girls seem to be attracted to me, but it wasn't until the girl of my dream finally approach me that I knew I could potentially be wanted. She is not with me and never will be. I had several other chances but each time when it seem like things were starting to happen, the reoccurring theme of panic attack strike once again, and I'm left confuse, scare, and dumbfounded.
I was so close to being with the girl of my dream but that all fail apart when she realize I didn't know how to talk to her, and so she left as quickly as she came. That night shatter me in ways I can't describe.
I have overcome my avoidance personality disorder and for the most part panic attack through sheer will and hope for a better future. I have taken risk and put myself at situation that I feel uncomfortable. I wish I could be those guys that lot of girls fall head over heel for but I'm simply not, I can only be me.
Even with a surging confidence that I haven't experience ever since I was a very young boy, I feel that my opportunities with girls are more limited than ever. Places that I been approached or have been noticed by girls are closed down and I am always invisible at parties or in crowded area.
With everything that has happened in my life and how close I got to being with someone I care for, I feel like I am not meant to be with someone. No matter how hard I work on myself, it feel like things are always too late. When I had finally overcome this illness, my friends were gone. When I finally have confidence, those wonderful chances are gone. When I finally am ready to approach girls, places that I know I would succeed in are close down.
All of this beg the question am I meant to be alone? It seem like no matter how close I get to improving my life, things simply just escape me whether it due to any numbers of reason.
I don't want to be alone and I like who I am, but I don't like the circumstances that have governed my life.
Moving forward to college, I finally made two really special friends. A week later out of the blue I develop social anxiety and my world went upside down. I couldn't talk, I couldn't stay in class, and I had panic attack everywhere I go. During this time I noticed that a lot of girls seem to be attracted to me, but it wasn't until the girl of my dream finally approach me that I knew I could potentially be wanted. She is not with me and never will be. I had several other chances but each time when it seem like things were starting to happen, the reoccurring theme of panic attack strike once again, and I'm left confuse, scare, and dumbfounded.
I was so close to being with the girl of my dream but that all fail apart when she realize I didn't know how to talk to her, and so she left as quickly as she came. That night shatter me in ways I can't describe.
I have overcome my avoidance personality disorder and for the most part panic attack through sheer will and hope for a better future. I have taken risk and put myself at situation that I feel uncomfortable. I wish I could be those guys that lot of girls fall head over heel for but I'm simply not, I can only be me.
Even with a surging confidence that I haven't experience ever since I was a very young boy, I feel that my opportunities with girls are more limited than ever. Places that I been approached or have been noticed by girls are closed down and I am always invisible at parties or in crowded area.
With everything that has happened in my life and how close I got to being with someone I care for, I feel like I am not meant to be with someone. No matter how hard I work on myself, it feel like things are always too late. When I had finally overcome this illness, my friends were gone. When I finally have confidence, those wonderful chances are gone. When I finally am ready to approach girls, places that I know I would succeed in are close down.
All of this beg the question am I meant to be alone? It seem like no matter how close I get to improving my life, things simply just escape me whether it due to any numbers of reason.
I don't want to be alone and I like who I am, but I don't like the circumstances that have governed my life.
