am i being unreasonable?

[Wanderlust]

Ok so this is somewhat of a long story, but I'll shorten it as best I can. My best friend and I have been inseperable since the day we met 4 years ago. We always hang out on Tuesday, Friday and sometimes Sunday. But lately she has been ditching me last minute for this guy that she just met not even a month ago. Last Friday she told me she couldn't hang out because she was gonna hang out with Kyle (the guy she just met.) Ok sure no problem, so we made plans to hang out on Saturday instead. Saturday rolls around and she wants to stay home because she got too ****ed up the night before and doesn't feel good. She told me shed call me later if she felt better so we could watch a movie or something. Ok that's fine.... come to find out later that night she went back to Kyle's house and never told me. Ok fine so we'll hang out Sunday and do our xmas gift exchange. Gift exchange was supposed to happen at 5 but she put it off til 7 so she could go out to dinner with kyle after she got off work. Ok fine. So I drive all the way over there at 7, we do the exchange for about 20 mins and she's like ok bye gotta go back to kyles now. That one reallyyyy pissed me off but I held my tongue and just went back home. Now this past weekened Friday was our good friends birthday party which was a night of bar hopping which she tried to get out of to go to the club with kyle. She came to the bar hopping party but after about an hour she convinced the bday girl to go to the club where he was at with her, so I came along. When we get there she ditches us two to dance with him all night. Ok fine. Now today (Sunday) I was supposed to go with her to go outfit shopping in hollywood for a rave she's going to with kyle. I always help her shop for her rave outfits and love it! This morning she texts me and says "so kyle wants to go shopping with me so we can coordinate. Would u hate me?" Btw, its an all white clothes party, so the whole coordinating thing is BS. Am I being unreasonable by being angry with her or should I just be a normal happy friend that's excited she's with this new guy?? That isn't her bf might I add. To me it just wreaks of desperation and self centeredness on her part. How would u guys handle this situation?

 

[Sora]

I'd say she is been a bad friend though she probably can't see it yet because this guy is all "new and shiny" if you like lol, blind by what she is doing due to the new excitement! Hopefully in time she will stop doing this but if she doesn't then you need to make it clear your not happy with it. Also what kind of guy wants to go clothes shopping!!

Sorry that she is upsetting you but hopefully in time she will realise, if not just start doing your own thing and when she realises your both not spending time together much she will find out why, then you two can talk.

 

[Kinetik]

Hopefully some part of you can accept it as human nature. It's not particularly fair, or nice, but this sort of thing occurs all the time when a friend meets someone new. She's swept up in the thrill of having this new guy in her life, and there's very little you can do about it. You have to ask yourself whether you're content to be put on the back burner. If so, then I think you need to let her contact you for future engagements, because you chasing her up isn't working so well. If you decide to ditch her, do you have enough of a support system to fall back on, and can you amuse yourself if need be? Or do you really depend on her and miss her as a result of this?

 

[Wanderlust]

She's been the one making the plans in the first place and then breaking them. And no I don't really have any other good friends or family members to replace her which is why I think it hurts so bad. So you're saying I should just put up with this until she eventually comes around?

 

[Kinetik]

In that case, I think it's best you do your own thing for a little bit and not make yourself too available if she suggests that you go out and do something. It's okay to have it be more on your terms, you've been there for her and now she's letting you sink. And if you do agree to meet up at some point, let her swing by your place instead of meeting up somewhere else, so that you're not put out if she doesn't come through.

But again, it depends on whether you're willing to only half have her in your life. It sounds like you are, so I suppose you'll have to put up with this for now, although it might become too annoying to endure, especially if and when things don't work out with this guy and she's knocking on your door again right away.

 

[Wanderlust]

In that case, I think it's best you do your own thing for a little bit and not make yourself too available if she suggests that you go out and do something. It's okay to have it be more on your terms, you've been there for her and now she's letting you sink. And if you do agree to meet up at some point, let her swing by your place instead of meeting up somewhere else, so that you're not put out if she doesn't come through.

But again, it depends on whether you're willing to only half have her in your life. It sounds like you are, so I suppose you'll have to put up with this for now, although it might become too annoying to endure, especially if and when things don't work out with this guy and she's knocking on your door again right away.

Ok that's really great advice. Thanks.. I'm glad I came here before I went off on her and told her I didn't wanna be friends anymore, cuz I know id regret it by tomorrow. I think my anger towards her is really me being hurt by mom dad/ mom leaving me and now I'm afraid the only person I have left is gonna leave me too, but I can't take all that out on her. Thank you for setting me straight <33

 

[silent9love]

i think she is blind by what she is doing due to the new excitement
i suppose that you should talk with her about this problem>>and tell her your point of view.

 

[MikeyC]

She's love-struck with Kyle. When someone gets a new boyfriend or a crush, they're going to want to hang out with them a lot.

It sucks. It's happened to me before and I hated it. Maybe you should discuss with her why her reneging constantly is making you upset.