always getting rejected by women

[klytus]

I'd be interested to know if you are going after pretty/shallow girls and maybe that is why this is happening, you are basically doing what they are doing to you in a roundabout way by rejecting a type of girl.

That was directed at the OP, I suppose, not me. However, I feel a need to comment on this. :: As far as my experiences go, I don't - except for some special cases - see the association between prettiness and shallowness. There are almost exclusively pretty women at my university, and those I talked to didn't seem shallow. Apart from that, I, myself, go for pretty girls because I just don't feel attracted to anything else.

Damn... just be patient and don't ask so many girls out. Just wait for a girl to give YOU a sign that she is interested. People always act like the men have it harder, having to ask the girls out; that men are the initiators, but it's not true... Girls initiate with their body language! Learn how to read it and you wouldn't waste your time asking girls whom are not interested. Personally, I can just feel it in the girls' auras what they think of me, but I don't ask girls out. I don't want a girlfriend at this point, but they sure as hell are crazy about me even though I am unconfident, extremly skinny, shy, and just plain wierd. I'm just patiently waiting for that special someone. In fact, they ask ME out and I tell them NO. Why? Because I don't want a girlfriend. I know that doesn't make sense. It's not really advice unless you understand the body language I'm talking about, but to keep it simple, for someone like you who is actively pursuing girls: don't waste time and tears on the ones you know aren't interested. That's all the inane drivel I have to say on the matter for now.

Haha. So, you are saying that girls ask you out indirectly by giving you body language cues, and you catch up on those and reject them by not asking them out? Sorry, but that sounds like you fabricate a sense of attraction where there is none. Body language is absolutely not reliable - unless it's overt, but then it's usually negative. If it's positive, it was clear that there is attraction and that long before the body language became noticeably expressed.

No girl ever asked me out, and that's kind of clear, given the passive nature of women. That's not a problem, but that implies the only proper course of action: Asking women out yourself. If you don't do that, it is most unlikely anything will ever develop.

 

[combat]

That was directed at the OP, I suppose, not me. However, I feel a need to comment on this. :: As far as my experiences go, I don't - except for some special cases - see the association between prettiness and shallowness. There are almost exclusively pretty women at my university, and those I talked to didn't seem shallow. Apart from that, I, myself, go for pretty girls because I just don't feel attracted to anything else.

+1. I don't see the association either. Prettiness doesn't equal shallowness.

 

[planemo]

I've never been rejected by any women. Oh wait, that's because I've never approached anyone. *hides away in embarrassment*

 

[klytus]

I don't think she meant that pretty girls are shallow.

Well, she wrote "pretty/shallow" which implies that those words are associated, or even synonymous. At least in my interpretation.

He didn't say that they ask him out through body language,

He didn't, but I presume they didn't ask him out by actually talking to him. Simply because I am a presumptuous asshole. I can't believe that he would reject them. All of them. Why else would he be in need of flaunting his extreme attractiveness and explain his singleness by insufficient interest in all those girls who asked him out? Of course, he did say he isn't attractive, but that is obviously in contradiction to the fact that women want him. He either knows hundreds of women, and interacts with all of them regularly, or he is lying - probably not intentionally.

"I don't want a girlfriend at this point, but they sure as hell are crazy about me even though I am unconfident, extremly skinny, shy, and just plain wierd. I'm just patiently waiting for that special someone. In fact, they ask ME out and I tell them NO. Why? Because I don't want a girlfriend." - Come on.

but it is true that body language can show that a person is attracted or trying to attract another person. I don't know if most people accurately read other's body language, though. At the same time, you're right that a person could possibly misconstrue the intentions behind another person's body language.

There are countless ways to misinterpret body language. There's a girl I know. I can get extremely close to her, touch her, poke her, tease her, play with her hair, she lets me drink from her coffee and tea, she mirrors my movements, she shares details of her private life with me and she is absolutely not interested in me as a man. The next step of physical closeness would be sexual intimacy, to be honest. So, there is no way a girl could show more attraction by body language alone. The fact that it has no meaning whatsoever in her case makes it clear that body language alone is certainly not a reliable indicator of romantic attraction.

If these girls actually ask him out then I'm sure their interest would have become apparent through their body language before they even approached him.

Unlikely, as I said. But then, it is possible that I am too dominant, or too patronizing for women my age. I need to get older. Honestly, that's one of the best aspects of being a man. I can easily, without awkwardness, have significantly younger sexual partners as a grown-up man. ::

 

[klytus]

Why are we discussing people like we know them or like they don't know we're discussing them? I'm not saying that you don't make sense. You do, but all we've been doing is speculating. We can't know any of this for sure.

I have no problem whatsoever with that. We do the discussing in public, he is free to join in and defend himself - or provide more concrete information on what he was talking about.

Isn't there some rule about not arguing with mods? You're arguing with me again, Klytus.

Well, there certainly is another rule stating that mods are not allowed to abuse their status for personal purposes.

 

[Hellhound]

forget about if your not confident and good looking then women wont want you. it doesnt matter how sweet and caring you are, if your an ugly socialphobic then girls dont want anything to do with you

I am sick of hearing people speaking for everyone as if they knew how others think. I feel I am put into a disgusting superficial category against my will and it makes me angry.

 

[Pookah]

I meant pretty or shallow. And yes if you go exclusively for just pretty you exclude and just shallow and pretty you exclude. Therefore you can't complain that all girls reject you when you yourself reject a group of categories.

 

[Anubis]

i honestly don't care anymore.. women are dead to me.. as far as i am concerned, is that all the experiences that i have had with them have been bad, not ONE good experience with them, so how many times do you have to try before you actually have a GOOD experience?

Screw it...

Cynicism is the always the excuse people bring up to justify doing nothing. You're certainly not the first to use it. I abuse it all the time.

 

[A_Void_Ant]

I'm sick of all this nonsense about labels. Everybody is a different person and the reactions between two people, or the "synergy", is dependent on the combination of the two. You can't just say all social phobics are bad lovers or whatever because it is FALSE and makes us ALL look BAD.

I am sick of hearing people speaking for everyone as if they knew how others think. I feel I am put into a disgusting superficial category against my will and it makes me angry.

YES! It's as though we all have to take a hit just because someone wants to say ohhh these people are this way or those people are that way.

 

[aien89]

Well this is a great discussion and I'm familiar with many things so I'm going to join in here.

First of all your life is not over if you're an ugly sociophobic man. You just have to make that much extra effort and fight more.
If you're ugly so what ? Your life is not over. You can buy some nice close, start hitting the gym, make yourself more attractive. If you want an attractive girl you've got to respect your own looks and make something special about you.

I was thick and sociophobic ever since I was a little boy. I've never had a girlfriend. At some point I just got fed up. I began working out, losing weight, doing something nice with my hair, buy some new clothes and suddenly - The girls were crazy about me. You can get girls attention if you just do an effort on your appearence - no operation of course, but all the other methods.

But all in all this is not a positive post because my conclusion is actually that you can make life easier for yourself and you can go out and get as much sex as you want, but if your looking for love, like I do, your socialphobia will hit you in the face alot! I've been invited to photo shoots, acting classes, theatre, everything, because the girls first impression is so important and they will always have a fantastic first impression of me. But when that phace is passed they just loose spark because I'm too quiet and shy. They don't really feel like I'm outgoing enough for them. That's my problem.

 

[userremoved]

You can buy some nice close, start hitting the gym, make yourself more attractive.

This is a problem for me, I have no idea how to dress nice. Where does someone learn what looks good and what's going overboard?

 

[klytus]

This is a problem for me, I have no idea how to dress nice. Where does someone learn what looks good and what's going overboard?

Judging from your profile picture, you don't need to pay much attention to looks. However, if you want to find out what clothes look good, you can just skim pictures of, in your case, African-American male models on Google Image.

I find combinations of colors in this image, Shemar Moore, very appealing. Anthracite/charcoal colored plain business shirts are in general a good idea. To look less formal, you can drop the rest of the suit and wear other clothes of fitting color. There are palettes of combinable colors online which may be helpful in the selection process. The clothes have to fit your personality, though.

 

[illuminationSP]

I went through this a lot when I was younger. I was trying too hard. As much as I want love, now, I just "relax" and try to let it come to me. The disappointment and agony still lingers, but hey.