age and maturity

[wooaah]

I'm in my mid 20s. Today I foundout that someone who i believed was older than me by at least 10 years based on how mature he was, the way he acted, etc, is actually younger than me.

It kinda hit me that, while everyone is growing up, i stopped. And while being a big kid seems nice, i feel like i stayed a kid in areas like independence, confidence, etc, which isn't nice. I wonder if its because I don't spend a healthy enough amount of time with my peers.

 

[xSleepy]

Well im 20. And I think i can act my age, but I feel like I missed out on learning a lot of things. From about age 16 to now, I havent had much social contact with people my own age...or even just in general.

So I do feel kinda "behind". Lots of people my age have done way more and experienced a hell of a lot more then muah.

But we reallyyyy shouldnt compare ourselves to other people. There is nothing wrong with being a little "behind". Well learn in time. We dont all become adults at the same age.

I hope i made sence, im super tired and i cant think straight. Ill take a look again tomorrow

 

[recluse]

What hurts is seeing younger people who have already established lives i.e - Their own house, relationships.

 

[Strong_Silent_One]

Thats one of the problems I have right now. I'm 37 and theres' this guy at my job -hi's just 22- and he laughs at me cause i don't even have a girlfriend, while he has a model as a girlfriend. (though i think this guy is a superficial and we can't compare).
I don't know.... i've been so bad and depressed since i'm in this job cause everyone laughs at me for being so shy and because i never have one single f*** date with a girl. Actually not that i do too much to get a date.... i can't believe any girl could ever be interested in me... so why should i try? Every time i do, the only thing i get is a smile and a gentle "sorry, but..."
I'm already tired of life.

 

[Carstuar]

I'm turning 21 this month, and I feel like a child. Apart from living in my own apartment I'm no more mature now than I was at 18.

 

[gobbledegook]

People say I am very mature for my age but like Cars I feel like a child too. I share the same opinion as recluse whereby seeing people more established than myself puts me down. I dunno maybe I'm not feeling very positive today. I'm only 19 after all...:roll:

 

[Kien]

I feel that I have matured pretty much during last year. My borthers GF mentioned it my mom that she thought I had. I feel it myself too. But I still don't think I am as old in my mind as I should be.

 

[scorpion]

Age doesnt implicate maturity, and maturity doesnt demand social expirience.
A person can be mature and lack the experience in certains fields.
Because we feel that we need experience or because we cant act in many social situations, doesnt mean we are not mature.

 

[introvert]

Exactly, scorpion has described it well I think. Today I went on a second date with a woman who is 10 years older than me (I'm 23). I find her attractive, but I was rejected today. The reason she gave me was that I wasn't really experienced enough for her taste. I'm a very mature person, It's just that I lack experience in certain areas (socialising, kissing, knowing how to "handle" women etc.).

Anyway, I guess I'm kind of venting here... don't like getting shot down. :lol:

 

[HideNSeek]

People around my age (21) sometimes say they think I'm more mature than they are because I'm not always getting drunk, having casual sex, etc, etc. That's not the way I see it though. Often what they don't realise is that everything but the social part of me, the part you need to be openly childish, careless etc, is stuck somewhere in the past.

I'm starting to see people I went to school with getting married or having kids, and despite the many "immature" aspects to their personality that they express socially, I still know that they're a million times more mature than I am right now. Sucks.

 

[dottie]

it's really embarrassing. i feel like literally i physically cannot exude maturity through body language. my body language is awkward in the positions i feel comfortable sitting or standing in, plus i get cold easy so when i'm cold i tense up. even when i am relaxed (the most relaxed i can be anyways, alone in my bedroom) i still sit in awkward positions. my uncontrollable nervousness is obvious with my constant fidgeting, avoiding eye contact like it's the plague, and scrunching up my shoulders because i'm afraid of being attacked. my body language and the way i present myself comes across extremely juvenile, immature.

bottom line: i am 28 but still come across as ineffectively as an extremely insecure 8 year old girl.

 

[Quetzalcoatl]

I am 19. People often think I am much older because I am always so "grave", "somber", "serious", "distant", "concerned" etc. I don't know by what criterion people judge age, but I think that in some ways, people think of maturity of being sad, unhappy, serious because of the general discontent with aging. You know, the problems, responsibilities, the monotony. As if somberty was the appropriate emotional garb for maturity, and to laugh and be happy is to shed that particular vestment.

 

[wooaah]

my uncontrollable nervousness is obvious with my constant fidgeting, avoiding eye contact like it's the plague, and scrunching up my shoulders because i'm afraid of being attacked. my body language and the way i present myself comes across extremely juvenile, immature.

Thats exactly it. I feel like whenever I talk to people, I scrunch myself up. And when i laugh sounds like i'm not even sure i should be laughing. I had dinner the other day with two guys in their 40s. One was like me, one was like... well what I wish i was. And i couldn't help but think the guy like me sure acted strange for a person his age.

 

[bleach]

wooaah,

As you can see, it's a common perception for social phobics.

I know from my own perspective that nothing hurts worse than seeing some high school kid with his life in better shape than mine. And realizing that he's the normal one. Whereas I'm not only behind most people my own age, I'm behind most people his age too.

And only losing ground, at my pace.

 

[bleach]

I am 19. People often think I am much older because I am always so "grave", "somber", "serious", "distant", "concerned" etc. I don't know by what criterion people judge age, but I think that in some ways, people think of maturity of being sad, unhappy, serious because of the general discontent with aging. You know, the problems, responsibilities, the monotony. As if somberty was the appropriate emotional garb for maturity, and to laugh and be happy is to shed that particular vestment.

Good point.

Of course, we should know better. That the people that are well-adjusted and comfortable in their own skin are a hell of a lot mature than people who let their emotions rule them.

 

[wooaah]

[quote="bleach

Of course, we should know better. That the people that are well-adjusted and comfortable in their own skin are a hell of a lot mature than people who let their emotions rule them.[/quote]

I've been thinking maybe there are tons of people that are not well adjusted, but just don't care. In a lot of past social situations I've sat there thinking "haha that guy is so dumb, i wouldn't be caught dead doing what he's doing". Well "that guy" was dumb, but he sure has a lot more friends than I do. Which means one of two things: 1. i don't know what dumb is. 2. people aren't as judgemental as I am.

maybe being more mature is less about knowing what the right and wrong way to act is, and more about not really giving a damn.

 

[Zarrix]

In my home, Im some kind of eccentric kid still. Out in public, I try and make a good image, so I am very quiet and mature (and nervous at times). Sometimes I think im a mild scitzo.

 

[recluse]

Thats one of the problems I have right now. I'm 37 and theres' this guy at my job -hi's just 22- and he laughs at me cause i don't even have a girlfriend, while he has a model as a girlfriend. (though i think this guy is a superficial and we can't compare).
I don't know.... i've been so bad and depressed since i'm in this job cause everyone laughs at me for being so shy and because i never have one single f*** date with a girl. Actually not that i do too much to get a date.... i can't believe any girl could ever be interested in me... so why should i try? Every time i do, the only thing i get is a smile and a gentle "sorry, but..."
I'm already tired of life.

Reminds of a guy in my workplace. He is 2 years younger than me and i am 27. He asked me if i ever go out to bars and clubs, and i said that i don't, then the asshole went on to say how i am supposed to meet girls if i don't go out, and he said to me ''Look at my life compared to yours! I have a beautiful girlfriend, my own place, and i'm two years younger than you!''.........I was so hurt i couldn't speak, and i was shocked at how arrogant some people can be, i mean was he saying this in spite, to make me jealous o'r did he mean well in a strange way?!

And i wonder why social anxiety exists...People like this certainly don't help! Whenether this guy is in my viccinity at work i can honestly say that i can feel myself shrinking into nothing.

 

[recluse]

I am 19. People often think I am much older because I am always so "grave", "somber", "serious", "distant", "concerned" etc. I don't know by what criterion people judge age, but I think that in some ways, people think of maturity of being sad, unhappy, serious because of the general discontent with aging. You know, the problems, responsibilities, the monotony. As if somberty was the appropriate emotional garb for maturity, and to laugh and be happy is to shed that particular vestment.

You are only 19! I honestly thought you were in your twenties and that's not a bad thing. Well the personality traits you mentioned can actually be a good thing, for example you would be the type of guy who would listen if someone had a problem o'r whatever.

 

[IWouldPreferNotTo]

Thats one of the problems I have right now. I'm 37 and theres' this guy at my job -hi's just 22- and he laughs at me cause i don't even have a girlfriend, while he has a model as a girlfriend. (though i think this guy is a superficial and we can't compare).
I don't know.... i've been so bad and depressed since i'm in this job cause everyone laughs at me for being so shy and because i never have one single f*** date with a girl. Actually not that i do too much to get a date.... i can't believe any girl could ever be interested in me... so why should i try? Every time i do, the only thing i get is a smile and a gentle "sorry, but..."
I'm already tired of life.

Get a new job.