selon
Well-known member
I'm having a panic attack about getting old and not changing at all. I go on a diet every few weeks. I 'start a new life' every few weeks. I quit binge eating every few weeks. And surprise surprise I'm still the same old me, after years and years of starting to make myself over.
So many of my friends are married and have kids. I'm alone and I'm still thinking about a guy that I met 10 years ago when I was 15 and haven't seen for 7 years. Didn't talk to him for like 3 years now. I don't love him, I'm just kinda obsessed. Not in a creepy but in a very very sad way. I should apply for jobs and I don't because I'm afraid of thinking about the future. I should work on my thesis and I don't because working on my thesis means getting in touch with my supervisor and I cannot do that (god knows why). I'm almost 26 now and I'm a scared, paranoid, sad virgin. I have friends who care about me, but I can't talk to them. I'm so afraid of being judged. I blush really easily, and especially so when people ask me abiout my personal life. I want to be in control of my life, and I don't want to be scared anymore but I cannot do anything about it. I don't reply to official letters, I ignore messages and just hope that things will just solve themselves. But most of all, I don't wanna look back at this time of my life when I'm old and regret it all. The thing is, it started already. I regret so many things from my childhood and teenage years and I'm afraid it's just gonna get worse the older I get.
I'm a happy person on the outside, I laugh a lot, I smile a lot and sometimes I even believe it myself. I wish I could be like that for real instead of just being like that when other people are around.
So many of my friends are married and have kids. I'm alone and I'm still thinking about a guy that I met 10 years ago when I was 15 and haven't seen for 7 years. Didn't talk to him for like 3 years now. I don't love him, I'm just kinda obsessed. Not in a creepy but in a very very sad way. I should apply for jobs and I don't because I'm afraid of thinking about the future. I should work on my thesis and I don't because working on my thesis means getting in touch with my supervisor and I cannot do that (god knows why). I'm almost 26 now and I'm a scared, paranoid, sad virgin. I have friends who care about me, but I can't talk to them. I'm so afraid of being judged. I blush really easily, and especially so when people ask me abiout my personal life. I want to be in control of my life, and I don't want to be scared anymore but I cannot do anything about it. I don't reply to official letters, I ignore messages and just hope that things will just solve themselves. But most of all, I don't wanna look back at this time of my life when I'm old and regret it all. The thing is, it started already. I regret so many things from my childhood and teenage years and I'm afraid it's just gonna get worse the older I get.
I'm a happy person on the outside, I laugh a lot, I smile a lot and sometimes I even believe it myself. I wish I could be like that for real instead of just being like that when other people are around.