afraid of getting old

[selon]

I'm having a panic attack about getting old and not changing at all. I go on a diet every few weeks. I 'start a new life' every few weeks. I quit binge eating every few weeks. And surprise surprise I'm still the same old me, after years and years of starting to make myself over.
So many of my friends are married and have kids. I'm alone and I'm still thinking about a guy that I met 10 years ago when I was 15 and haven't seen for 7 years. Didn't talk to him for like 3 years now. I don't love him, I'm just kinda obsessed. Not in a creepy but in a very very sad way. I should apply for jobs and I don't because I'm afraid of thinking about the future. I should work on my thesis and I don't because working on my thesis means getting in touch with my supervisor and I cannot do that (god knows why). I'm almost 26 now and I'm a scared, paranoid, sad virgin. I have friends who care about me, but I can't talk to them. I'm so afraid of being judged. I blush really easily, and especially so when people ask me abiout my personal life. I want to be in control of my life, and I don't want to be scared anymore but I cannot do anything about it. I don't reply to official letters, I ignore messages and just hope that things will just solve themselves. But most of all, I don't wanna look back at this time of my life when I'm old and regret it all. The thing is, it started already. I regret so many things from my childhood and teenage years and I'm afraid it's just gonna get worse the older I get.
I'm a happy person on the outside, I laugh a lot, I smile a lot and sometimes I even believe it myself. I wish I could be like that for real instead of just being like that when other people are around.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I know what you mean. I fake smiles all the time, so much I don't realize I'm doing it sometimes. It's like I'm starting to believe my lies, because my faking just looks so real. I wish we really were happy, without having to fake crap all the time to satisfy others. As for the guy you're obsessed with...I seriously thought I was the only one who still thought of a guy after so long. It's been 5 years I think...and I still think about him, because I liked him very much and he impacted me in such a way I was just hypnotized. I have liked other guys after that, and it's not like I like him now or anything. We haven't talked at all after high school; I still don't know why I'm still affected by him in my thoughts, though...makes no sense.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Darn! If I was in the UK, I would definitely invite you out for drinks! (not that I would have a shot, lol).

I'm familiar with a lot of your behavior. I also avoid things that cause me stress. I don't do that as much now. I realize how detrimental that type of behavior is. My once small problems end up being major ones because I did not deal with it in a timely manner. Now, I attack most of my problems head on.

I think you should start dating! Use a site like shypassions.com to meet someone. You got to put yourself out there. Find a nice guy that will put you first in his life.

Good Luck!

 

[MikeyC]

You're doing your thesis, so that's something! How did you get to that point in the first place? You must've had a little bit of confidence.

Keep your chin up. Sometimes you have to take a risk, but you'll get there.

 

[selon]

iiieww that ******* guy I wrote about is getting married. Feel like throwing up. Wish I could cry but I can't. Just had a few whiskey shots, kinda makes it better. Have to go out tonight and as I know myself I will be all smiles. I swear to Gd I'm gonna die when my parents or common friends will tell me about it. Thank Gd for facebook stalking, at least I can somehow prepare myself for that moment. Everything's going downhill. I dont look for jobs, my thesis is not going well at all, he's getting married and I only have four cigarettes left. **** my life

 

[selon]

Now, I attack most of my problems head on.
Good Luck!

I thought I was doing just that, and everything seemed to going really well. And then somehow I missed out on March and April, and now its May and I didnt get anything done. The thing is I was busy with Uni stuff, and still I managed to screw up. **** my time management, **** it all

 

[Falkor]

Hey i understand very well what ur going through. You want to see Progress. but a lot of things are still the same. You don't like that. The best way is to make a bucket list, or to tell people that you want to improve your life, search for ways to improve it....Look on Google, it's everywhere. You can write this chapter yourself, I know it though, i am in the same situation, but i think I'll be joining some things soon so I can start over my life.

Hopefully it gets better for you soon hun....