advice/opinions? family issue

[dottie]

i need advice on what to do in this family situation. i have a brother who acts like i don't exist and i don't know how to handle it.

ok i am an adult. my brother is an adult, recently married, bought a house, had a baby, blah blah blah. they live about 20 minutes away.

he won't call me.
he won't invite me over
he won't meet up with me.
he blows me off.
he ignores my calls.
it's been this way for the past... how many years?

so he constantly blows me off, so what? well he blows my dad of and ignores him, too, and recently he turned around and complained big drama that my dad never calls him. are you serious? how does this make any sense? it is literally the opposite of the truth! you can't cut people off and then act like they don't try to contact you, especially when they do try to contact you! it's just a blatant lie.

yesterday was father's day so i tried calling and he ignored all three of my calls. so i left a message on facebook saying that i called and he should call me sometime. he hasn't responded and he is not going to.

one time i asked if he wanted to meet up for lunch and in his typical fashion blew me off, telling me he was too tired. then a few hours later he posted on facebook about having an amazing lunch at a restaurant that happened to be a block from where i was at the same time. classic example of him blowing me off. there are more.

like i said, he won't call you. if you call him he blows you off. every time.

sometimes i think his wife brainwashes him. her family is always over at their place, but apparently i am not good enough? i don't get it. i would like to have a relationship with my nephew. i would like to have a relationship with my brother if he didn't act like this.

what should i do? should i confront him? should i ask why he is ignoring me? i am afraid he is going to go batsh*t and tell me i can't see my nephew if i say anything. should i just accept that he does not want to have any sort of relationship with me?

 

[stephen]

Have there been any issues between your family and his wife? It wouldn't be unusual for a guy to blow off his family in favour of his spouse if they don't get along.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I think you should talk to him & ask him why he doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with you or the rest of your family. I would advise not bringing up his wife, though, because that could make the situation worse if he thinks you have something against her.

Of course, it will be pretty hard to talk to him since he doesn't return your calls. But it's still worth a try.

 

[Mr isolated]

............

 

[dottie]

yes and no. i mean they act civil when we come over. she has never said anything to us and she plays nice to our faces. i just have a feeling she is very self-centered and doesn't want to deal with people that aren't her own family. i don't mention these things to my brother or imply any of this but that is the impression i am getting.

also she is very controlling and finnicky about the baby. she freaks out if you don't wash your hands with antibacterial soap first (and it must be antibacterial, no substitutes) or kiss him. when you are holding him she is sitting there holding her breath in anticipation that you are going to seriously injure him. it's ridiculous.

she is very needy and controlling. he's admitted it in the past. if they do anything they have to do it together. which would be fine, i am needy myself, but it wouldn't make me tell my husband not to see his family.

one time my cousin, who lived around the corner from him, needed him to walk over (i'm talking maybe 6 houses away) and help her out really quick to move a piece of furniture. my brother wasn't doing anything so it was fine but when he told his wife he was going to do this she threw a huge b*tchfit and told him he couldn't go. (WTF) he ended up going anyway but yeah...

i don't talk about these things to him. it's their baby, whatever. but when he starts ignoring me- that is effed up.

my family life growing up was emotionally unstable (that's why i'm on this forum now!) so i can understand why he has issues. i still think it's crappy to completely ignore your family or let other people dictate when you can or can't see them.

i don't know if i should say anything or ignore them. i just don't know what i did that makes me such an *sshole. her family comes over all the time. they practically live there.

 

[Ignace]

Poor kid, what is he gonna be like when the mum's THAT protective ..

 

[Ritta]

Here's a suggestion. If she's that controlling, have you tried inviting her over first? I'm sure it will be really hard to talk to her if you don't like her very much, but for your brother's and nephew's sake, you might have to endure her. Otherwise, you might never see them again ::

 

[Hellhound]

Maybe you should ignore him completely, and whenever he complains about you not calling him, point out the fact that he gets pissed whenever you call him and you won't talk until he changes his attitude. That's the only thing I can think of...

And I feel bad for the baby, I know what it is to be raised by insane parents. He's going to have a lot of issues... :c

 

[dottie]

i messaged him and said, "is there a reason you are ignoring me?"

the ball is in his court. this is nonsense. like i need to pine for his mere aknowledgement. this just goes to prove that getting married, buying a house, new car, having a baby do not make you a mature adult.

thanks for the input!