Addiction, Alcoholism and Anxiety

[sullyS25]

Hey everyone I just joined the forum recently. I used to post pretty regularly on here about a year or so ago until I decided that life was hopeless and found other priorities, drugs and alcohol.

From the first time I got drunk I thought alcohol was the answer to my shyness or social phobia and it was...temporarily. This idea led me to getting drunk almost every night in college and while helped my social skills temporarily it also made things much worse. I got depressed, gained a bunch of weight and ended up isolating myself to my bedroom with a bottle of booze or a bunch of beer. After a while I decided that alcohol and hangovers weren't for me but opiates and benzos were the way to go because there was no hangover and I was very social when I was high. I started with vicoden in highschool, then went to percocet, then did oxycontin because it was a more concentrated and less diluted form of percocet. My tolerance grew pretty quickly and before I knew it all I cared about was the next high. All I ever thought about was how to get more pills and when I couldnt find Oxycontin I eventually resorted to smoking heroin. It is safe to say that drugs and alcohol ran my life and I always said I used them because they I thought they made me more social. The irony of that is that I would use alone and seclude myself to my room.

In the end I realized that alcohol and drugs were a temporary fix and made the anxiety much worse in the end. When I was sober I would have Panic Attacks and be down in a hole of depression. Eventually I felt like that even when I was high or drunk. I decided to check myself into rehab though and have been sober for almost 5 and a half months.

I bring this up because I noticed a lot of my fellow rehab friends had as much anxiety as me or more. It seemed pretty common for anxious people to self medicate and get caught in the cycle of addiction. So I wanted to hear if anyone else had a similar story or still uses drugs or alcohol to help their anxiety and how things are working out.

I am not posting this to convince people to seek help I just wanted to hear other peoples experiences. Since I have gotten sober though, I barely ever feel depressed and while the social phobia is still there, it is not as bad as it was. I have discovered old hobbies, found new ones and am not waking up every day wishing i would get hit by a truck.

I would love to hear other peoples experiences with this topic, if you have them.

 

[JosephG]

Hey and welcome!
I'm sorry to hear your troubles and I am glad to hear that you have been sober for a good while now
I have had nowhere near enough trouble with addiction as you have had but I think a lot of us here have been there. I do find myself drinking sometimes before I go out to build my confidence but I can't say I've been addicted to alcohol. However I feel I did become dependent on cannabis for a while - I needed to smoke it in order to socialise with people. so I think I've been there just a little...

 

[Hottie]

Hi sullys25,

I am very happy to see you have been sober for nearly 6 months. Its great...keep it up! I think i read somwhere that oxycontin can be very difficult to get off because of the withdrawls. Plus everything else too, that you've managed to stay off, well done.
Your story i can relate to so much. Nearly everything you said was on the button..

I know all those things all too well! Started drinking a good few years back and since then it has crept into my way of living. I am relying on drink at the moment to get me by. Dont do sh!t all with my days anymore. I am really trying to change that but its difficult.

I have taken active steps to try come of various drugs, but i think alcohol is my main problem...as that is the one id miss most and have a hard time socializing without it. It is the key to my freedom except, it doent last long and makes things worse in the end and for the future. Are you sober from alcohol too?

Also take pills too, to help with anxiety. I dont want to have to take a tablet to calm me before going in somewhere...but thats is what it has resorted to.

I sometimes see no way out...thinking will it ever end? will i ever be able to be where i want to be?
You post has brought some uplift to my mood as it is good to hear sucess stories...especially ones that you can relate to so much. I am so desperate now to change my life around for the better, as i definitely do not want to have to rely on any drug to get by.

Wishing you well

 

[sullyS25]

That is crazy Joseph, I would always get worse anxiety when I smoked pot yet continued to do it, haha. Hottie I am sorry to hear you are struggling and have to say there definitely is life without alcohol. I always thought I couldnt do it and life would suck or be boring if I got sober. In fact it is the opposite. I have many new hobbies and lots of energy. And yes I am sober from alcohol and all mind altering substances. I know where you are though hottie and I really sympathize for you. There are definitely other ways of dealing with the anxiety though and I have found them to be more effective and more long term without using a substance. I wish you the best though and I feel your pain!

 

[bigcat1967]

This sounds like me and Xanax / Klonopin. I was prescibed Xanax by a doctor and it did help me socially - and it still does. However, there are a lot of sysmptoms and I wish I never did take these stupid meds. Now I'm trying to withdrawal from them - and it is tough to do.

 

[sullyS25]

This sounds like me and Xanax / Klonopin. I was prescibed Xanax by a doctor and it did help me socially - and it still does. However, there are a lot of sysmptoms and I wish I never did take these stupid meds. Now I'm trying to withdrawal from them - and it is tough to do.

Benzo withdrawal is the worst. I took xanax a lot for a month and didnt realize how much I was doing it until I ran out and felt horrible. It defiinitely did help for school presentations and such but was not worth the withdrawal.

 

[Hottie]

That is crazy Joseph, I would always get worse anxiety when I smoked pot yet continued to do it, haha. Hottie I am sorry to hear you are struggling and have to say there definitely is life without alcohol. I always thought I couldnt do it and life would suck or be boring if I got sober. In fact it is the opposite. I have many new hobbies and lots of energy. And yes I am sober from alcohol and all mind altering substances. I know where you are though hottie and I really sympathize for you. There are definitely other ways of dealing with the anxiety though and I have found them to be more effective and more long term without using a substance. I wish you the best though and I feel your pain!

@ Joseph - i agree with sully, smoking can only add to the anxiety...not relax you. For us it is a stimulant for anxiety...so you better off with out it. Dont get me wrong, i know how noce it is to smoke a spliff but in the long run it can only do more damge.

@ Sully - it is encouraging to hear stories like yours. I see the light at the end of the tunnel......but im afraid of the dark (a figure of speach!). I dont know how i will manage the socializing with out drink...seriously it is really difficult to see me without it. Did you go cold turky? Or did you recieve professional help too?
Im not giving up drink at the moment, only drugs, as of friday - im done!!

Benzo withdrawal is the worst. I took xanax a lot for a month and didnt realize how much I was doing it until I ran out and felt horrible. It defiinitely did help for school presentations and such but was not worth the withdrawal.

How much xanax were you taking? And how often?Do you think i will develop withdrawls if i were to give up xanax? Im do not take them everyday. I take them 3/4 times a week. If i didnt have a tray of them i wouldnt be able to do anything im doing at the moment...

 

[sullyS25]

I really didnt use xanax that much actually. I never had a prescription but when i could buy it illegally i would buy a lot of it and take at least 2-3 bars a day which in comparison wasnt that much. There was one time where I did that and was taking 2-3 mgs a day just for 2 or three weeks and I had the weirdest dreams ever then woke up and felt like I was watching myself in my own body. I cannot describe it but it was creepy. I was anxious about nothing and felt sick to my stomach. That is the scary thing about xanax hottie it is the most addicting benzo out there and is very easy to get hooked. I seriously was only on it for a total of three weeks, maybe a little less and I felt it when I stopped. If you take it every day then i would suggest tapering off of it because serious benzo withdrawal can kill you. Im not saying you are doing that much and it would have to be a lot to result in death but it really is nothing to mess around with. You cannot stop cold turkey if you have been taking it a while

I quit alcohol cold turkey but that was because i was to busy getting high on oxycontin or H. I had to do a medical detox and continue on to rehab. I even relapsed out of my first rehab the moment I got home and was able to buy pills. Then I went back a month later.

I definitely understand how you feel about not being social when you are sober and I felt the same way. I still feel uncomfortable in some social situations but things are much better with a clear mind. SOOOOOO much better. I also read this book that helped with anxiety called "The Power of Now" in treatment and that book helped me immensely. I would recommend it to anyone.

People are affected differently by pot though for me it made my anxiety much worse while it really helps other peoples

 

[Hottie]

Hey!

Thats how i started out on the benzos too. I took a lot, often. Felt i was getting cravings. Stoped using them recreationally. But i never got withdrawel becuase i would have breaks when i couldnt get some. But i would always be drinking and druging anyway.

Because i took benzos so much some nights, i could still feel the effects from them the next day. Because of this, i was able to see college till the end (just about!). But from taking them recreationally, it gave me the taste for them. So the good friend of mine who could get them for me had a two strokes and a heart attck and now i dont really see him much. Because of this i went to my doc and told him i want xanax (not put in that way of course!) and he gave them to me.

He knows how much im struggeling with anxiety. He knows i have tried ever other option available. I also told him i got a few off someone i knew and had taken them at times before. So now where im at is im volunteering twice a week and i take them for that. I would also take one if i was going to some sort of event like a funeral, christining, lunch, dinner etc.

The second time i went to get my perscription, i expressed my concerns about becoming dependant on them. He didnt really say much about this. Anyway, i rang him not long ago and he suggested to ween down of Ciprimil (anti-depressant i had been on for three months) and suggested he refers me on to a psychairtrist. Im afraid i wont get me xanax anymore...and now i can see how much i've become so used to having them handy.

How long would you start to feel the effects of the withdrawls?

Well fair play to you, your off it now so good on ya! I think that for a lot of people they have to change their way life, for example the excessive partying etc., so they dont get caught in the vicious cycle again.
Did your lifestyle change much? If so, how have you coped with the change in lifestyle? Do you still have the same friends? Can you still enjoy things?

About the hash/grass...when i smoked it every day, non-stop, i didnt think any differently of the effects it had on anxiety. It was only until i had stayed clean for 2and a half months. After then when i smoked a joint i would get extremely anxious and paroniod. So i really noticed the effects it has for anxiety, i couldnt smoke it with a load of people anymore because id just become more anxious (not that i with a load of people anymore due to SA)

So i only smoke it now when in coming down of other drugs, when im with either or both of my two best mates, the odd time when im on my own or when im drunk. But nothing the way i ever ever did before. I dont even want to smoke it at all because i know the effects on anxiety, but its just nice to smoke a nice joint sometimes!!

!

 

[sullyS25]

I felt the withdrawal effects about 24 hours after my last dose of Xanax. They lasted about a day but ive heard the more severe withdrawal can last up to three. Im sure any doc would make sure to ween you off xanax as well if that was what they decided to do.

My lifestyle has changed, for the better. I dont stay up untill 3 or 4 am in the morning high on opiates or drunk as ****, waiting for that shot that puts me at ease. (I would usually pass out before that happened). I am not lazy or sedentary either. I would literally sleep my hangover off until 3 or 4 in the afternoon most days. When I would wake up early as **** hungover and not be able to go back to bed I would pop some sleeping pills and sleep till the afternoon only to repeat the same cycle. Liquor store or drug dealer, sleep and repeat. I gained at least 60 lbs. I try and exercise at least 30 minutes a day no that I am sober, I have lost 40 lbs, I joined a hockey league, I read a lot more and meditate when anxious or out of sorts. I did have to change my group of friends because i surrounded myself with drunks and addicts. That was when I went out though which was rare. I can honestly say the friends I have in AA are true friends that care about me.

It really seems like a tall order but it is worth it (for me). I had to surrender to the notion that i could control my drinking and using and that is when progress took place. That is my experience though. Whatever you do though please stay away from the painkillers, they are very addicting and very deadly. I believe a major one in Ireland is called Pethadine. Dont know why I mentioned that just random knowledge. Either way if you can stay away they are horrible. I mean they feel incredible, better than any feeling in the world almost but totally not worth it at all.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

sully, it was definitely nice to read your post! please know how strong you are to have turned away from your 'comforts' and stayed sober! i haven't struggled with addiction, but i'm really close with my mom and she's an alcoholic and my sister used to do pills and meth, so i've learned a ton about it.. it's freakin' difficult to give up, i know that much! ha..

hottie.. one thing i learned about my mom is that after about 8 years of heavy drinking every night and several suicide attempts and family members trying to stop her, she never sobered up until SHE decided she wanted to... i guess i heart that a lot, you can't change until you decide it's what you really want to do. no one is going to sober up for anyone else but themselves, ya know? you just have to take the time and weigh your pros and cons, you'll see that a lot of what you're doing, really isn't helping at all, even temporarily.. you gotta know that being sober and socially anxious is much better than struggling with addiction and then worrying about your anxiety, like sully said.. i wish you the very best and hope you can be strong and fight it, because i know that it's 100% worth the struggle.. you have no idea how much brighter things may appear when you have a clear head to see