First thing to say on this is - everbodies story is different, just because something wouldnt fit in to your story - it doesnt mean they don't have the same problems. You have to try and look beyond your own life to judge other people, judging people by your own life is always a dangerous thing to do.
I wouldnt consider myself ugly, I dont mind posting pics, nor would I consider myself good looking. I have no trouble getting girlfriends but I consider myself average looking. But I can tell you beyond doubt I have Social Anxiety - I'm not gonna try and justify myself for being on here because I dont need to. But since you asked I will tell you how somebody (me) can have a girlfriend yet suffer from social anxiety problems.
Firstly, I never had a girlfriend until I was 25 because of SA - so I have been in that situation. The SA even now would limit my oppurtunities of meeting a girlfriend. I built a "social life" through the internet because I was isolated - I used alcohol whilst out to give me the confidence to form friendships and relationships. These things lasted on and off for about 4 years because eventually I didnt want to be known as "the drunk guy" - by the way I never drunk EVER before meeting those friends at age 25, and I never drink alone so you could not label me alcoholic during that period of my life, I simply used alcohol to self medicate SA so I could try and have a social life. I wouldnt recommend it because those "friends" only wanted to hang about with me because I was a "funny drunk guy" and later I realised they were making fun of me not really true friends, I never got the respect they gave their other friends so as I tried to develop the confidence to be more sober around them I could see what was going on. Also I could see I was going down a dangerous route with the alcohol so decided it wasnt the way to do things. Plus those said friends tried to split me up with my girlfriend by telling her I was cheating when I wasnt - but she believed them and started punching me. I had one long term relationship through those friends (2 and a half years) - I used alcohol for about 3 months with this girl before I had the confidence to see her without alcohol, eventually I was comfortable enough with her sober to be myself with her. Meeting her family was different though, I still needed to drink to meet them - eventually they got fed up of me drinking so got banned from their house (Problem solved) so for the majority of the relationship I would see her alone, and we would do things alone and go out for meals or cinema etc which didnt involve having to converse with people I wasnt comfotable with.
That relationship ended because in short she was violent, so I was meeting other women online for brief drunken encounters. When that relationship ended I got back in with the friends I met her through. You could say I was using them because I had no other route to build my life from, but I figured they used me enough coz I used to buy most of the drink etc. So through them I met my current girlfriend who ironically at writing I have been with for 2 and a half years. Again we had a falling out with so called friends because I couldnt handle being treated different to the other friends in the group (probably because of my SA).
Using the experience of the first relationship and some of the anger of her leaving me I did things a bit different with this girlfriend. Firstly I passed driving test and got a car in an effort to improve my confidence so I didnt feel inferior to other guys. This alone gave me the confidence to get to know this girl alone - it was hard but considering she has a crazy personality, I can get along with those types of people myself because if I can see they dont care about making an idiot of theirselves and will say stupid things - then what does it matter if I do? so that meant I was able to get to know her sober. When it came to meeting her family - since this girl was linked to previous girlfriend through friends and their families, they had heard rumours about my drinking etc. So again that gave me the determination to prove them wrong, I was gonna prove I could meet her parents and not drink and prove it was my ex-girlfriend that was violent and she lied saying I was violent to cover for it. So I had to meet my new girlfriends parents and be questioned by her family about all these rumours flying about - I was as nervous as hell and turned back and went home the first time I was meant to do it, when I eventually did do it - my knee and hands was shaking the whole time I was sat there literally being interegated. Slowly I got to know her mum and brother and was semi-ok chatting to them - I am always very quiet and not comfortable but with my girlfriend there I just about cope most of the time and can make occassional small talk.
You could say I am a recovering SA sufferer because until I was 25 it was full blown - I literally did not leave the house from about aged 17 other than one job I did for a few years where I coped by literally ignoring everybody there and making out I didnt care, but it was mostly a solitary job so just swallowed being thought a mute freak for an hour or so a day where I was in the sorting office. The only reason I got that job is because it was before I ever got the internet, so I never even realised I had a problem - I just thought I was a freak for not having the confidence to go out and have a life. So I was pretty much forced to find a job by the job center because I was only signed on as a job seeker because I had no idea I would be classed as sick. After doing that for about 4 years I eventually had enough time out until they sacked me - so I could sign on again. But coz I earned a bit of money I got the internet and found out about SA and SP so realised I was entitled to incapacity benefit because the ONLY reason I avoided work was because I couldnt handle the social side of things, ok I worked for a few years but surely walking around thinking your a mute freak and literally ignoring everybody is not something anybody should have to go through - i hated every moment of it. It was at this time where I managed through the internet to build some sort of social life (not exactly a great one - but it was something). So as we speak I'm still on my journey to recover - to be honest I dont think I ever will completly, the feelings of insecurity around new people is too strong and I have 3 choices, either swallow being known as "quiet" which I really cant stand because every time that happens it just crushes you down a few more notches - or I can have a drink, which these days I usually chose not to unless it is specifically a night out where drinking would be expected. The 3rd option is to avoid the situation alltogether which again I hate doing because I promised myself I wouldnt let my SA hold me back from doing things - I would swallow it and just ride with the blows of whatever people wanna throw at me and try hard not to care - even though deep down I do. Right now, I still have my girlfriend and I have a job. I decided to get off incapcity benefit to try and build some sort of "normal" life with my girlfriend. Should also mention I used my amazing powers of drunken confidence to do a telesales job for 6 months. So by now through hook or crook I had developed a bit more natural confidence to think I could have a stab at getting a job - in the back of my mind I knew I could leave if I couldnt cope with the social side, but I was gonna at least have a go. I tried a few different things before finding something I could cope with - just about. Even now I only just get by - I find I can chat sometimes to people - I'm usually ok 1 on 1 when I havent got to shout to get heard and I havent got 3 pairs of eyes looking at me just coz I dared to open my mouth. So I get by, I'm still pretty much silent in group situations at work but usually just get by saying something here and there - but I have bad days when I go 3/4 hours without speaking to anybody and it drives me mad and makes me think I wanna leave. But luckily they are all nice people there so they seem to just accept me the way I am - and usually somebody will make an effort to talk to me and not just think I'm an ignorant git. A bit of advice here, if you have trouble knowing what to say etc - I have found it amazing how you can get by most conversations without actually saying much at all - people do not respond well to arrogance (so never over compensate for SA with this) - they dont respond well to people who are always down on themselves and depressive (so avoid even mentioning your problems - if anybody knew I would immediatly feel the spotlight on what I say get 20 times brighter) - so whats left? just simply stupid humour, a bit of sarcasm and a few standard short words of agreement etc then on top of that when you have done a few things and got out, even if it goes bad at least its an experience you have and its something to say if you get asked "have a nice weekend?" - everybody who does this is only good at it because they have had so much practise, SA means you get no practise so you havent worked out a formula for conversations - you just need to work something out to cope, unfortuantly the only way to learn is trial and error - you need to be brave enough to just have a go and swallow anything that is thrown at you - but again like me, you can only do that when your ready. Again that advice is only directed at people who have problems with not knowing what to say, anxiety over what they are going to say, being thought quiet and generally being uncomfortable socially - obviously if you have problems regarding appearance - I am not suggesting it would be this easy, I realise there are different degrees of this and am not gonna sit here and say I have it worse than anybody else - obviously people have it worse than me and probably think "god he's done all this stuff how can he have SA" ... to be honest, with how I feel about all this stuff, if I had serious issues regarding my appearance I really would never go out - so trust me I'm not gonna pretend I could deal with that because I couldnt. But I have never had that problem, so that makes things a bit easier for me and probably is the reason I can salvage something from my mostly wasted life.
In short what Im saying is - are we gonna sit here and say there is no hope for people with SA? have we all got to NEVER go out and sit here calling ourselves SA sufferers for the rest of our lives. Some people might have to - and I feel for those people. But those people also have to accept that there are some people with SA that try to cope with it, they make various attempts to combat it - they can build some sort of life and recover to some extent. Because I am trying to cope with SA does that mean I no longer have it??? I may not have Social Phobia anymore because I try not to be avoidant, but this website is clearly for people with SA as well. I regard myself as somebody who used to have SP and is now TRYING to recover from SA - in my view that gives me a right to be here.
Maybe not the answer you expected - but just goes to show, like I said -everybodies story is different.
