A little problem with a guy I met online

[TheNewZero]

Okay well, I made myself an account on this dating site, and of course the only guys who are interested in me are older men. But a few of them are really nice and I've been having really great conversations with them which I think is good 'practice' for me. Well, one of the guys (in his 50's) is starting to ask if he can come to visit me. I'm sort of freaked out by this, and don't know how to respond. I don't want him to because 1) I'm not ready to see people in person yet and 2) He's in his 50's and I'm sort of getting the impression that he might be 'interested' in me. What do I say to him? I sort of tried to ignore it but he keeps on bringing it up. I didn't think it was going to be a problem because he lives pretty far away from me. And it's not just that, he wants to have video chats with me and instant message me too which I'm just not comfortable with. Is that okay to tell him? I mean, the only reason I'm not comfortable with that is because it's very on the spot, like a real conversation. Should I say that? Should I stop talking to him? I just don't know how to...erm, 'let him off easy'. Sorry, I know this is a completely stupid thread I'm just getting really worried about this and would really like some advice.

 

[thor01]

I think you should just tell him what your not comfortable with. You dont have to do anything you dont want to.

 

[kayelle]

I think you should definitely tell him. There's no way I would be comfortable with someone coming to visit me when I hardly knew them. Just tell them you wouldn't be comfortable with that yet, and maybe you could get to know each other better the way you are now, before you do anything else.
Also, if you're not at all interested in him, maybe you should tell him now. Before it gets more personal and it's harder for you to let him down gently.
It's your life, and this guy is making you uncomfortable, though he may not mean to be, but you should definitely let him know that that's not what you want right now

 

[Ubersonic]

"No I'm not comfortable with that."

 

[Riiya]

And if that didn't work, stop talking to him.

 

[licorice]

Its not a stupid thread at all...Try telling him the truth,that youre starting to feel uncomfortable and you need some time to think,if he is a genuinely good person he will be understanding and back off,if not then cut him off...I hope he doesnt have your address...

 

[NormanBates]

He obviously is using niceness to get on your good side.
Now, you can either have enjoyed the nice man's talk and plunk him away because he's getting weird;
Or, you can feel like you're already obligated to him and lead him on and on perhaps until he does make his way down on account of your weak will.
The decision is totally up to you.
Walking around town with an older date isn't exactly glamorous.
But these things happen.
You'd have to get ready for a possible huge fight with parents.

 

[Thelema]

Who wants to date a creepy old guy? Of course he's very nice, he's trying to make you forget that he has a big bald spot and a bad prostate.

I'd just end it now. Even if you make it clear that it isn't going to go anywhere, and you still talk to him, he's going to be getting more and more in to you.

It's a dating website and he's probably after every female there, so he will get over it.

 

[Chrysalis]

Good for you for taking steps to meet someone and I agree, it is good practise, but your safety always comes first



Perhaps try saying ...

"Thanks for taking the time to contact me, but I don't feel we'd be compatible.
I wish you all the best in your search and hope you find what you seek".

You don't have to apologise or offer any excuses - just remain firm and confident (and I believe one's written word does convey a type of 'tone' online)

You deserve someone who's perfect for you

I know it's probably very flattering to have an older man keep in contact with you, and as you have stated, it is 'good practise' but if your gut feeling is telling you otherwise, then you should put an end to the communication.

He may be persistant, but if you're sure you'd like to 'end' it, then please remain persistant with your stance and don't give in ...even if he puts pressure on you, gets insulting or turns on the compliments.

Never settle

Call me silly, but I do believe there is someone ideal for everyone - you just have to keep searching till you find them!

All the best

 

[Remus]

I'm older and trust me when I say after reading this....
He's a freak!
he may seem nice but alot of guys on these sites are very VERY good at "grooming" they say all the right things in all the right places (maybe sickjoke has been training them lol), I'd trust someone more who argued or disagreed with me, wanting to meet after only chatting for a while? I'd avoid anyone like that!

 

[Sacrament]

Tell him you want his babies.

 

[Satine]

I'll echo previous comments and say that he's not good news.

I used to be groomed when I was younger, and your description of him mirrors a lot of how the older guys used to be with me. He's being very friendly and agreeable which very likely means that you're out of his league and therefore he's trying to make up for the disappointment you'd find on meeting him by being exceptionally nice.

As Remus says, better that somebody disagrees with you sometimes. Then you know they're more your kind of person. It also means that you know they're being themselves - somebody who always agrees with you is just trying to mould themselves to you, and their true selves will come out eventually, and the fallout is not pretty when that happens.

Practice is fine and good on you for getting that, but I really, really wouldn't take this any further if I was you. He'll be persistent - older men are tenacious - but stick to your guns, say no and if he keeps on ignoring you (I'm familiar with that too. Hold your nerve) then break contact.

He's a grown man, he can take that. And he'll be half expecting it, too.

 

[dpr]

If he truly is a nice guy, then he would understand that you are uncomfortable with video chats and an in-person meeting.

If you still like talking to him online, then just tell him you're not ready to meet yet and you don't like video chatting.

If you think he's a creep, or if he keeps bringing it up despite what you told him, just block him/delete him, or whatever.