so I kind of feel better lately. I am continuosly clearing my mind about what I wanna do in life, I am more and more tolerant about me, what I did, and also other people, which is kind of surprising:bigsmile:
as I could't completely let myself to a psychoteraphist I am willing to reveal some embarissing moments from my existence.
actually I was intending to do that in front of a therapist as I said, but didn't have the guts to do it last year when I visited one so here I am ....
1. around 5 years old some neighbour threatened me that he will kidnap me. this joke did some mess in my mind. whenever I saw him I would run. because other reasons (he accused me that I bring bad kids to his appartment building) we never had a normal relationship....one of the odd things in my life
2. this neighbour has 3 kids...once when I was 5 years old my mum let me stay with his daughters but I cried a lot (I wasn't used to stay with other people than family)...unfortunately I have no relationship with them anymore...from not succeeding saluting their father and mother and so on...
it's something like we pretend not to see each other when we meet..
it's kind of weird that these women are some kind of acquintances with my mother and that makes things odd....
well embarising...I was exagerating things at some point and that's the result.. but I won't die from that
3. my family took me to kindergarten at 6 years old. kind of late. it could be a reason why I developed shyness and so on.
I remember bein really nervous about that. it was really difficult for me, as I was used to stay home, home, home.
at kindergarten was the first time I avoided dancing..till now. but I am seriously thinking to take some dancing classes when I will have the money. and also swimming, that's another issue that made me feel different a lot of times. I already did some swimming classes but still can't say I can swim. but I felt some relief with step by step facing my water fear.
4. first day of school. crying, feeling insecure.
after some weeks I remember self-talking at my desk..I was really addicted to soccer since then so I pretended to be a football commentator.
my desk mate threatened me that he will denounce me to the schoolmistress.
I was very hurt by this reaction.
5. the second grade...our schoolmistress left..she was young and so pretty..I was feeling hurt, I cried, they moved me to another class..whew...pretty intense.
6.
grades 2-4...I had a good friend ..but my parents beckoned me that his parents were telling things against me to the schoolmistress....:idontknow:
and that she was putting worse marks because of that...don't know if that was true.
the odd **** is that although we were meeting each other many many years..although friendship regressed when he met his wife.....actually forced wife..he got pregnant when we were in college lol.
another **** from those times..I had some neighbours at the same school..
we were friends...that's what I believed..but one day with another kid they assaulted me...
could be a explanation why I don't get to interact with people too much
7. finishing 4th grade...couldn't dance, feeling odd..the other kids were dancing.
8. to finish once forever with primary school: when I was in the 5th -6th grade I was walking with a school colleague and suddenly met two girls from the primary school. I was very shy and well beahving kind of odd....
well well well...I kind of got tired of remembering those facts....maybe I will continue the list someday..although I kind of feel that the best thing to do is leave the past behind and go on with life.
all the best for you, that took time to read this
as I could't completely let myself to a psychoteraphist I am willing to reveal some embarissing moments from my existence.
actually I was intending to do that in front of a therapist as I said, but didn't have the guts to do it last year when I visited one so here I am ....
1. around 5 years old some neighbour threatened me that he will kidnap me. this joke did some mess in my mind. whenever I saw him I would run. because other reasons (he accused me that I bring bad kids to his appartment building) we never had a normal relationship....one of the odd things in my life
2. this neighbour has 3 kids...once when I was 5 years old my mum let me stay with his daughters but I cried a lot (I wasn't used to stay with other people than family)...unfortunately I have no relationship with them anymore...from not succeeding saluting their father and mother and so on...
it's something like we pretend not to see each other when we meet..
it's kind of weird that these women are some kind of acquintances with my mother and that makes things odd....
well embarising...I was exagerating things at some point and that's the result.. but I won't die from that
3. my family took me to kindergarten at 6 years old. kind of late. it could be a reason why I developed shyness and so on.
I remember bein really nervous about that. it was really difficult for me, as I was used to stay home, home, home.
at kindergarten was the first time I avoided dancing..till now. but I am seriously thinking to take some dancing classes when I will have the money. and also swimming, that's another issue that made me feel different a lot of times. I already did some swimming classes but still can't say I can swim. but I felt some relief with step by step facing my water fear.
4. first day of school. crying, feeling insecure.
after some weeks I remember self-talking at my desk..I was really addicted to soccer since then so I pretended to be a football commentator.
my desk mate threatened me that he will denounce me to the schoolmistress.
I was very hurt by this reaction.
5. the second grade...our schoolmistress left..she was young and so pretty..I was feeling hurt, I cried, they moved me to another class..whew...pretty intense.
6.
grades 2-4...I had a good friend ..but my parents beckoned me that his parents were telling things against me to the schoolmistress....:idontknow:
and that she was putting worse marks because of that...don't know if that was true.
the odd **** is that although we were meeting each other many many years..although friendship regressed when he met his wife.....actually forced wife..he got pregnant when we were in college lol.
another **** from those times..I had some neighbours at the same school..
we were friends...that's what I believed..but one day with another kid they assaulted me...
could be a explanation why I don't get to interact with people too much
7. finishing 4th grade...couldn't dance, feeling odd..the other kids were dancing.
8. to finish once forever with primary school: when I was in the 5th -6th grade I was walking with a school colleague and suddenly met two girls from the primary school. I was very shy and well beahving kind of odd....
well well well...I kind of got tired of remembering those facts....maybe I will continue the list someday..although I kind of feel that the best thing to do is leave the past behind and go on with life.
all the best for you, that took time to read this