Deus_Ex_Lemur
Well-known member
UPDATE -
Yesterday, Saturday, was the last day of this short film. 12 hour day. But it was awesome. I had to drive an hour to get there, this house, and I just mentally somehow put aside that most embarrassing mistake the first day; with an adage to "a wiseman treats everyday like a new life, the fool treats it like any other".
I wasn't AS worried about making mistakes, I asked questions when I wasn't clear, instead of not like the other 2 days, and realized everyone made some stupid mistake throughout the day. Everyone's cool on the crew; no need for me to let one bad moment define me and ruin this whole experience!
NOW - A lot more waiting around - so a lot more social interaction. THAT became my focus. I was quiet for a lot. Except more one on one interactions I just am a little better at conversing. Still - I realize - how sheltered I've been - lack of living, of experiences, is the reason my minds slow, I can't keep up in conversations, I'm simply unfamiliar with a lot of discussions. Quick witted jokes rarely come to me because I don't experience them like other ppl do.
I've learned a lot, I should have done stuff like this when I transferred to film school 3 years ago, ergo the real POINT if film school. For 3 years I didn't, except a few classes, nothing like this. It makes me sad I've missed out on a lot, I see other ppl's who are younger than I on the crew, 21-23, with way more experiences in FILM and thus socially, years ahead of me... but that can't be discouraging. That's discouraged me before and time doesn't slow down the gap only widens.
As mentally, physically, emotionally draining and exhausting as these 4 days were... been best time I've had in a looooong time. Despite my frustrations socially, I WISH I could converse like ppl where... not everyone were chatterboxes but just had interesting, funny stuff to say, observations, connections, etc. I am sure tho if I experience more (experience = knowledge), relax, seek more help - that'll be easier for me to do too.
I don't have to believe it's just ME, my genes, etc. my minds slow, forever, I'll never be able to be real funny, insightful, fun in a convo or socially - and destined to be quiet and reserved and worried forever. WRONG! That attitude I HAD for 2/3 days we filmed, because of my embarrassing mistake the first day. I'll choose to remember the awesomeness of the last day, despite not being very social... I WISH I was - but I wasn't - it's a step in the right direction; long as I keeping stepping ahead.
I want to thank EasySkankin' and EscapeArtist for kind of inspiring for the last day of this shoot, so it could end on a positive note.
Yesterday, Saturday, was the last day of this short film. 12 hour day. But it was awesome. I had to drive an hour to get there, this house, and I just mentally somehow put aside that most embarrassing mistake the first day; with an adage to "a wiseman treats everyday like a new life, the fool treats it like any other".
I wasn't AS worried about making mistakes, I asked questions when I wasn't clear, instead of not like the other 2 days, and realized everyone made some stupid mistake throughout the day. Everyone's cool on the crew; no need for me to let one bad moment define me and ruin this whole experience!
NOW - A lot more waiting around - so a lot more social interaction. THAT became my focus. I was quiet for a lot. Except more one on one interactions I just am a little better at conversing. Still - I realize - how sheltered I've been - lack of living, of experiences, is the reason my minds slow, I can't keep up in conversations, I'm simply unfamiliar with a lot of discussions. Quick witted jokes rarely come to me because I don't experience them like other ppl do.
I've learned a lot, I should have done stuff like this when I transferred to film school 3 years ago, ergo the real POINT if film school. For 3 years I didn't, except a few classes, nothing like this. It makes me sad I've missed out on a lot, I see other ppl's who are younger than I on the crew, 21-23, with way more experiences in FILM and thus socially, years ahead of me... but that can't be discouraging. That's discouraged me before and time doesn't slow down the gap only widens.
As mentally, physically, emotionally draining and exhausting as these 4 days were... been best time I've had in a looooong time. Despite my frustrations socially, I WISH I could converse like ppl where... not everyone were chatterboxes but just had interesting, funny stuff to say, observations, connections, etc. I am sure tho if I experience more (experience = knowledge), relax, seek more help - that'll be easier for me to do too.
I don't have to believe it's just ME, my genes, etc. my minds slow, forever, I'll never be able to be real funny, insightful, fun in a convo or socially - and destined to be quiet and reserved and worried forever. WRONG! That attitude I HAD for 2/3 days we filmed, because of my embarrassing mistake the first day. I'll choose to remember the awesomeness of the last day, despite not being very social... I WISH I was - but I wasn't - it's a step in the right direction; long as I keeping stepping ahead.
I want to thank EasySkankin' and EscapeArtist for kind of inspiring for the last day of this shoot, so it could end on a positive note.
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