A funny thing I do...

[DaaaBulls]

I do this all the time. For some reason I ignore the people that I am interested in. For example if there is a girl I like in a room and there are 3 other guys in the same room I will talk to everyone but the girl even though I really like the girl. I even make as little eye contact as possible. I think I do it on purpose too. It's as if sub consciously I want to make her feel left out or that I am not interested. The thing is I am interested and I always wonder why I do this to her. And I seem to always do this to the girls I like and have a solid feeling they like me to.

I know that when I am ignored by people I have no desire to get to know them better. I can't stand alienating people the way I do. Then I think about it over and over and wonder why I do it.

Anyone else know where I am coming from?

 

[Meggerz88]

Could you be afraid of actually having to talk to her? I know I would be avoidant in a situation like that because I wouldn't know what to do if the person were to actually talk to me...

 

[Phobologist]

Yea, you are probably afraid of this girl and in general, people who like you. It would be important to figure out why they scare you. What do you fear would happen if you and her were to start talking?

 

[Harleyq]

I get that way whenever I realize a guy is interested in me. I drop eye contact, my answers are short and quick, and I get the hell out of there. It definitely stirs up my anxiety. It's not even that I like the guys back since I'm taken, it's just the idea of people being interested in me and then I get scared that once they know how neurotic or unskilled I am in social situations, they'll lose interest, I'll be able to tell, and then I'll get depressed over it....just the knowledge that I'm so inept that I bore people out of wanting to talk to me anymore. It's the fear or rejection more than actually wanting them to like me, if that makes sense.

 

[Phobologist]

Harley, do you have any solutions for how we can overcome this problem?

 

[Harleyq]

Harley, do you have any solutions for how we can overcome this problem?

Since I have this problem too, I'm afraid I don't :: . The only thing I can think of is to try to control your nervousness and force yourself to talk to the other person.

My bf and I got together almost entirely by luck. We met over the internet because he was friends with my best friend's sister and so we were introduced in a yahoo chat conference by my best friend and her sister. We talked online for a bit and then I found out he happened to be the same guy I fancied in school and I was afraid to approach him until one day he tapped me on the shoulder and said "hi". Again, I did my usual drop eye contact, mutter "hi" really quickly, and then walk away FAST.

The only reason we stayed in contact after that was because of Yahoo and we coincidentally made the same friends so it was easier to talk to him when all my other friends were surrounding us. After about a year, he tried to ask me out, got flustered and nervous halfway through, so I went ahead and just asked him out instead of watching him squirm and blush.

Actually that might be an idea right there...if you're acquainted with her well enough, you might be able to find her on myspace or facebook, add her saying "hey, don't i know you from ______?" and try to get to know her through online messaging first and then maybe interacting in person will be easier?

Don't bind me to that though, I'm not sure if that method's actually any good.

 

[Remus]

hey I've heard normal people complain about this, the one they fancy is the one they struggle to talk to

 

[Why]

i do it all the time >< im guessing its a BAD idea for guys since we are supposed to approach girls

 

[divethruhaze]

Edited post
=========

 

[Nack]

I would like to know why we do these kinds of things. I've done these things in the past and i've always regreted it. But i remember once, i notice a girl was looking at me, and i swear to god i just stared right back at her, not even blinking. She walked away staring at me o.o, it was strange but was mesmerizing...I liked it.

 

[Sinopia]

I do this all the time. For some reason I ignore the people that I am interested in. For example if there is a girl I like in a room and there are 3 other guys in the same room I will talk to everyone but the girl even though I really like the girl. I even make as little eye contact as possible. I think I do it on purpose too. It's as if sub consciously I want to make her feel left out or that I am not interested. The thing is I am interested and I always wonder why I do this to her. And I seem to always do this to the girls I like and have a solid feeling they like me to.

I know that when I am ignored by people I have no desire to get to know them better. I can't stand alienating people the way I do. Then I think about it over and over and wonder why I do it.

Anyone else know where I am coming from?

I don't know if I have the right solution for you, but if I were you, I would just try to start talking with the the girl that you like. Just start with saying something simple, like: Hello, how are you? And if you find it difficult, you can start with making eye contact or just smile at her. Then maybe that girl will be the one who starts talking, which makes it maybe a bit easier for you. I know it's all easier said than done. I have the same problem, but with everyone. My psychologist once adviced me to write some sentences down that you can use for conversations. Maybe that will help too??

 

[redski]

Since I have this problem too, I'm afraid I don't :: . The only thing I can think of is to try to control...

Your story on how you met your boyfriend is cute. Best of luck to you guys.

As for the original poster I have done it to. I think it is fear an insecurity.
I too (trying to change this) was/am afraid to show a women that I like her
in fear of rejection or maybe that she does not feel the same way and here
I am exposing my inner feelings.

 

[Liberty]

I do something similar. If there is an attractive girl in the room or a girl I know is interested in me I seem to perceive it as a threat. I close off and won't talk to anyone in the room really so as to expose as little of personality or whatever to this threat as possible.

I did this before I even had SA/SP too.