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Thankyou for your reply. It means the world because its so hard to get a good perspective on this. To get some understanding is so hard for me lately. My therapist is good but theres that emotional lack relating to the codependence with rugs i have on and off. So i have some things in my life...

Hi Miserum Its a tangled web with identity and social phobia. Ive found that if i can work on my self-esteem and independence and get to know my true identity, sort of indulge in finding out who i am, what i stand for - my values and seeing myself from a place of self love. If i can try to...

I felt okay the last few days in myself and my own physical state despite what was going on around me with rugs. As much as i try to get away from it he turns up again. What do you do when a person tries to commit suicide and wants you in their life but ruins your own. Id been in control with...

Yes its the same with my family too, to some extent. esp when i feel more insecure and jealous around cousins that seem to have everything and have been given everything. And to feel so little like you cant even compete with any of that and get ignored and wierd expressions on you despite you...

So that next morning, i write how are you etc. He sends a message back that he is just going for a drive with his sister. Thats all he writes. Then later in the day, i write again, how are feeling today. He sends a message to me and just says, im just resting. And that is it. I dont hear from...

How quickly things change but still bad. Well, highly stressed. So rugs had been hostile many days before, and didnt want to know me anymore. Which was to me, okay well i can restart this grieving process then. Very hard, but i was doing it and i had practice in all the times he had gone on...

Okay BAD DAY. i was driving along the main road of the town i live in to drop my dad off at his bowls and i see this man walking on the side of the road with no top on. This is a road not meant for people to walk on, where 100 km/hr speed is. I think what a weird guy for walking there with his...

Today he actually rang me. After that horrible explosion of him out of the blue on the phone at me out of nothing. It was the first time he was really that angry towards me. He broke up with me , not that we were going out in my mind anyways. It wasnt nice, it was him very ill abusive on a...

I know ive vented myself off here lol. But thankyou means alot.

Anyways, few days ago i were on messenger and i had said (because my car doesn't work atm) that we could go out for a few hours. We got messaging and i started talking about tom cruise film on the tv at the time, he was quite young and realized he looked different because of his teeth. Anyways...

Havent been on in a while. Thanks Miserum for your generous input. I took that in and emotionally left Rugs to himself, which i had been doing but i decided to close off those little bits in me that still accepted him, mainly because everything in me emotionally had been so tightened anyway...

Im getting a bit better lately. Taken a long time to really push my boundaries. Boundaries can not just be about you and other people but also about the things you do and have in your life and choosing what to have and do. I worked out over some time now that i feel I ultimately have Avoidance...

Thankyou for the reply. I got a 8 week old puppy yesterday that has bonded with me and given me the chance to have that furbaby motherhood experience and create a more mindful daily life. Trying to help eject the anxiety i feel and fomo. : )

I have severe anxiety, social phobia and social avoidance personality, live with my parents still, not near enough money, am on a disability pension for SP, and no promising male provider to help me. I also am still in a relationship with a severely ill schizophrenic man that has been on hard...

so havent heard from russell since yesterday when at volounteering he decided to go home and didnt want to do it anymore. he was acting almost psychotic, not scared but just rambling about weird things in different voices. He wasnt all himself. Its scarey like that. He can lash out and be loud...

Its June 28 2020. Such a beautiful Sunday today. Sunny day in the height of winter. Today i went to work at this big opp shop i volunteer at. I basically get all toys and make little packets for kids to buy as well as anything toys that comes in. I enjoy making packets of things and...

Today is rugs bday. I made him my famous popular vegan german gingerbread in the shape of doughnuts. I also got a cheap bucket and filled with all sorts of sweets. I made a label on it called 'Candy Coma' lol. And some other things i got him. Hes been so depressing and im always eager for...

Im going to bump this thread. Im 38 and facing 40. I feel the same that i havent achieved anything near like others my age have due to illness over the years. And now my dreams of having a child and a partner seem like a never when they always used to be a maybe.

and no real The mindsets we value and goals and dreams and things like that as well as memory and planning and being responsible for our actions and thoughts and patience and being able to hold deep connections with others and engage in an understanding of things- all of the things like that...

So its the 5th of May 2020. Rugs had his drug-induced psychosis as well as his sister. That was a really tough few weeks for me because i was used to having hi as my only social connection being an SA. And then, it just stopped suddenly. My attempts to ring him them (which took guts for me on...