Really yearning for a baby but


Well-known member
I have severe anxiety, social phobia and social avoidance personality, live with my parents still, not near enough money, am on a disability pension for SP, and no promising male provider to help me.
I also am still in a relationship with a severely ill schizophrenic man that has been on hard drugs for years and in out of psychosis that has severely burnt me out physically and emotionally that i had become almost bed ridden with severe fatigue like a breakdown from all the stress of it and only just starting to get my health back together.
Ive been working on my health and ive been staying away as much as possible from this toxic relationship. But im about to turn 39 end of this year and ive been so anxious and depressed over my yearning to have a child.

I really dont know where my relationship with him fits in my future. I am despite his illness still really close to him but have my own time to myself now, he is very loyal and loving to me but unfortunatley also very crazy and impulsive and child like. He cant concentrate or be flexible with emotions. You cannot talk to him like an adult about things. He gets offensive due to his schizophrenia and paranoia. I dont know where he fits in my life and i feel so sorry for him.

i feel so anxious like trying to start my life and have hope for these dreams. I really dont know where to start.