Questions re. desire to overcome SA

peacegrrl

peacegrrl

Active member
  1. When did you discover Social Anxiety and that you suffered from it?
  2. If you had found out later, or earlier, than you did, do you think your desire to overcome it (assuming that is your desire) would be stronger/weaker than it is now?

I've wished desperately that someone had told me about social anxiety 10 years ago, or even 5. It would've changed so many things. I'd've known that I'm not crazy or retarded - or alone in the world. I wouldn't have punished myself as I have and maybe I'd be a good way along the road to recovery by now. By now I could speak back and defend myself and others, without dreading the consequences. I could have more fight in me, more motivation to better my own situation. I could have prevented, or seen differently, the shame and embarrassment of countless social "stuff-ups" and prioritised the happier moments of childhood. Knowing earlier would have been a huge advantage to me.

Or wouldn't it?... As a naive kid back then, I could easily have surrendered to SA and lost any will to fight it whatsoever. It would be "just another thing to worry about, next to study/family/acne/etc." Just another part of life, instead of something I could actively choose to resist. It's scary to imagine falling into a glum life of submission to my own mind, devoid of hope - the way things are now, having a bit more perspective, I'll die before I give up on trying to improve my situation.

I got to thinking this because, while it helps no-one to ruminate over a history they can't change, I was wondering that if more was done to raise awareness of social anxiety, giving young people more opportunity and support, then maybe more people would be able to envision positive outcomes and strive towards them, and would suffer less...

Thankyou in advance to anyone who has actually read this mess of thoughts and bad writing... Here are some imaginary brownies for you *gives*
 
lithium

lithium

Well-known member
I always was somewhat quiet when I was younger, but I never thought I had social anxiety. Around late middle school to the beginning of high school it got pretty bad and by then I just started thinking about suicide. Not to a great extent though, just toying with the thought. Anyways, now in College and I'm doing a little better, the environment is less nerve-wrecking, in my opinion.
 
Helyna

Helyna

Well-known member
1. I think it was around 10th grade.
2. I think I would have had a worse time because I would have decided something was wrong with me instead of that I was just awkward.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I've been like this for a long long time, since I was little. Of course, it wasn't as serious as it is now, I know i've gotten worse... lol. My desire of recovering is strong, but my body and mind are weak at this point, so my only hope is either getting to meet my friends somehow and get some motivation from that side, or just hope to die as soon as possible :)
 
D

dmdmm

Active member
I found out about social anxiety umm... 4 days ago?

The second question is a bit harder to answer. I just found out about it, but I've been working on overcoming it since the summer I got out of high school. That was around 4 years ago.

It was slow going. But I have made vast improvements since then, and hey, I've even started making friends.
I told myself that it doesn't really matter anymore. I stopped caring (not entirely) what other people thought of me. I kept telling myself that if people like me, then great. If not, then screw 'em.

So far it's worked out for me.

I found the site a couple of days ago, and started lurking a bit. I have been through many of the things people on here ask. I have answers to some of them. So I joined in an effort to share my experiences with you guys.

The best advice I can give is that *most* people don't bite.
 
evil feline space cadet

evil feline space cadet

Banned
peacegrrl said:
  1. When did you discover Social Anxiety and that you suffered from it?
  2. If you had found out later, or earlier, than you did, do you think your desire to overcome it (assuming that is your desire) would be stronger/weaker than it is now?

I've wished desperately that someone had told me about social anxiety 10 years ago, or even 5. It would've changed so many things. I'd've known that I'm not crazy or retarded - or alone in the world. I wouldn't have punished myself as I have and maybe I'd be a good way along the road to recovery by now. By now I could speak back and defend myself and others, without dreading the consequences. I could have more fight in me, more motivation to better my own situation. I could have prevented, or seen differently, the shame and embarrassment of countless social "stuff-ups" and prioritised the happier moments of childhood. Knowing earlier would have been a huge advantage to me.

Or wouldn't it?... As a naive kid back then, I could easily have surrendered to SA and lost any will to fight it whatsoever. It would be "just another thing to worry about, next to study/family/acne/etc." Just another part of life, instead of something I could actively choose to resist. It's scary to imagine falling into a glum life of submission to my own mind, devoid of hope - the way things are now, having a bit more perspective, I'll die before I give up on trying to improve my situation.

I got to thinking this because, while it helps no-one to ruminate over a history they can't change, I was wondering that if more was done to raise awareness of social anxiety, giving young people more opportunity and support, then maybe more people would be able to envision positive outcomes and strive towards them, and would suffer less...

Thankyou in advance to anyone who has actually read this mess of thoughts and bad writing... Here are some imaginary brownies for you *gives*
Click to expand...

I discovered social anxiety only last week. but i've had it since i was at least 5 if not all my life!!
If I'd known back then i would have probably been embarrassed but would have wanted to get rid of it. I think my mother secretly knows i have it. I remember bein brought to a child psychologist at the age of 7.. Cant remember why. I want to ask her but im too afraid incase she starts insulting me..
If I'd known what i would have had to put up with in life I'd have forced myself to get better!



Like you, i thought i was crazy or retarded. As did the people in school...
My childhood was crap!

Im startin to try make myself better now.. :) Using CBT startin' today!
 
sullyS1985

sullyS1985

Well-known member
I realized something was up when i went off to college and couldnt make any new friends. The new friends I did make were through my room mate in the dorms. Everytime my friends wanted to do something that involved socialization i felt uncomfortable and wouldnt go unless there was alcohol or i knew the people really well. When i did go to social functions with people i barely knew i would notice myself clinging to the people i knew very well and i didnt want to be that guy so i would go off by myself and drink until i was comfortable or feel weird and anxious the whole time. Looking back on it, I really started to know i had something wrong when I started going to middle school. It was a whole different world for me, because in elementary school i was always around people i grew up with but in middle school there were new kids from other schools and looking back on things, i didnt make any new friends then either. It is funny because the majority of my friends even today are from elementary school or people i met through my good friends in elementary school. Looking back, I wish I had realized what SA was when i was in middle school and gotten over it then so i could have had the social skills in highschool and through middle school to make new friends. Unfortunately living in the past does nothing so I am determined to do something about my Social Phobia now so i can make it through life and be comfortable around unknown people which is a must with what i want to do.
 
oui

oui

Well-known member
I've always known something was different. I'm 17 now, but I've stopped caring about other people. My family has always been aloof, and I have accepted it. Even when I was 5, I remember telling my mother that I would never get married, or have children. Self-fulfilling prophesy.

Part of me wants to change, but I have this on going debate about the nature of people: whether it's really worth it to change for a species so despicable and void of compassion.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
oui said:
Part of me wants to change, but I have this on going debate about the nature of people: whether it's really worth it to change for a species so despicable and void of compassion.
Click to expand...

You don't have to change. You can overcome your problems just to feel better with yourself and be a little happier and comfortable. You don't really have to change your personality, only the things that make you unhappy, and not for anyone else but yourself.
 
Helyna

Helyna

Well-known member
Despicable, yes, but void of compassion? You haven't met the right people, and you haven't looked around you.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
I have suffered from SA since I was about 9 yrs old. I am extremely angry that I did not find out that the problems I went through even had a name, until I had been suffering from it for 18 years.:mad:
I believe if I had been in contact with a competent psychologist early on, I would be in a position now, where I could at least manage it in a way that it would not be so dibilitating.
 
sullyS1985

sullyS1985

Well-known member
oui said:
I've always known something was different. I'm 17 now, but I've stopped caring about other people. My family has always been aloof, and I have accepted it. Even when I was 5, I remember telling my mother that I would never get married, or have children. Self-fulfilling prophesy.

Part of me wants to change, but I have this on going debate about the nature of people: whether it's really worth it to change for a species so despicable and void of compassion.
Click to expand...

I have felt like u do at certain times in my life but I think it is very unfair to generalize all human beings as void of compassion. I get on this website every day and read numerous posts that are full of compassion. Not to mention those that serve in the peace core,work at homeless shelters and do all sorts of compassionate things. I have been around my fair share if people that know I have issues with SA and ditch me or don't talk to me because of them but I don't think they lack compassion, I think they are sick of pushing me to socialize. I also find it hard to believe that someone with social phobia doesn't care what others think because that is the basis of the phobia. I am afraid of social situations because I don't want to be made fun of or evaluated negatively. I also remember telling myself I don't care what others think but then I would be really anxious in social situations so things didn't line up. I'm not trying to attack u and I'm sorry if it seems that way but I used to think like that and was still miserable. I think if u do get over your SA you will realize that the species you despise so much isn't so bad. please try and re analyze those thoughts it makes me sad to see someone thinking that.
 
Scrabbl

Scrabbl

1
peacegrrl said:
Or wouldn't it?... As a naive kid back then, I could easily have surrendered to SA and lost any will to fight it whatsoever. It would be "just another thing to worry about, next to study/family/acne/etc." Just another part of life, instead of something I could actively choose to resist. It's scary to imagine falling into a glum life of submission to my own mind, devoid of hope - the way things are now, having a bit more perspective, I'll die before I give up on trying to improve my situation.
Click to expand...

Hey I just want to let u know that even though u didn't find out about SA earlier, you didn't missed out on anything. 'cause guess what? I found out I had SA in 9th grade. Did it change anything? No. I did try meds and counseling. Nothing worked at the time though. I'd say the main reason is that high school is not a very nurturing environment that's conducive to curing SA lol.

Things only really started improving when I got to uni.
 
Shift

Shift

Well-known member
I found out I had SAD a couple of years ago, when I was at my worst. I think if I found out sooner, I would have denied having a problem, so I wouldn't have much desire to change. If I found out later I probably would be much, much worse. I don't know if that would make me more motivated to overcome my SA or if I would think I was too far gone to be able to change. It's hard to tell.
 
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chickenmaryjane

chickenmaryjane

Well-known member
i started having panic attacks at school for no reason. that problem, i think, brought on my SA because i thought that others were observing my odd behavior. after that my life has been pretty rough.
 
Why

Why

Well-known member
around last year, was a lil depressed about my life, came across this site, trolled a bit and found that i related to alot of members here and rest is history
 
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