One year anniversary

It's been a year now since I moved. I still feel resentment and anger towards those who were close to me.

Sometimes I want to just be forgotten - like I never existed. That sounds horrible, I know, but it's exactly how I feel at times.

We all have our good, bad and ugly days, but since I was forced to move because I was suspect number 1 in a bunch of identity theft in which those close to me claim I've ruined their lives.

I did nothing, and as a matter of fact, I went to the police because after all this broke out, I checked my own credit report and found I, too was a victim (I use that word sparingly) of identity theft and was supposedly to be living in a state on the east coast (never been to the state that was on my credit report). I have a fraud alert on my credit report, etc...

The people who pointed their fingers at me was my own family. I was 'ordered' to tell the 2 kids I raised from infants (my nephew and niece) that I had to move and help my sister. My brother told me, "no tears, no crying, you tell the kids you have to move because your sister needs your help"

Today, my sister and I got an envelope full of year old mail sent my SIL. most of which are forms to fill out for identity theft. I requested them a while back.

Some days I wish I could just disappear. I have a potluck Christmas party to go to at work today ..... don't wanna go. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I should have never opened the mail. I have to put on my fake smile at work and pretend everything is OK.

When I opened the envelope it was like re-opening a partially healed wound.

I am working with a therapist about this and the past - my childhood lacked something to be desired and when I told my therapist some of the stuff I have witnessed, that shed new light on some of the reasons behind my social anxiety and depression.

I am very grateful for having a full-time job and a roof over my head and yes, I know things could be 1000 times worse. But for me, in this moment, I feel panic, anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration and I am having such a difficult time drudging through it all and moving forward.

I don't ask for much, I'd never hurt anyone and I keep to myself with regards to office politics and such, I do my job well, don't complain. But inside, there's this raging, bubbling wound that I can't quite seem to get past.

Some days...
some days, you need to just vent, get it out of the headspace and move on without looking back.

and it's even harder with depression and anxiety with panic attacks.

Hi.If there is alot of anger bubbling inside then it usually shows itselfs outwardly in ways you might not even be aware of conciously.Passive agression for example.I know about frustration and anger from personal experience.Its a hard thing to control for some people like myself.

Its important to try to get this anger out in non distructive ways.I use silent screaming for example which is like a normal scream except no noise is made.You can get some emotional release that way.Writting a diary is another way to get feelings out.Hopefully you are talking to your therapist about these issues.Good luck

cowboyup, I'm sorry to read you are going thru all of that. I have been similarly wronged (I won't threadjack with details) and I know what it's like to carry that kind of resentment to the point where all you want is to be left alone. Of course when you are alone it just gives you time to re-live what happened over and over again until the anger and frustration is even worse than if you weren't by yourself. Sounds like those relatives who forced you out had no idea of the effect it would have on you, long term.

My only advice to you is to understand in this case that they are the ones with the problem, not you. You may never prove your innocence to them and at some point you have to be okay with that as a continued relationship with them would be toxic and would only drive you deeper into despair. I'm the last person who would tell someone like you to just get over it because I know how deep the wound can be. However, please use time and the knowledge that you are better off apart from them as your tools to begin to heal. Keep in mind the only person you are hurting with the pent up anger is yourself. They, unfortunately, have more than likely moved on and aren't even thinking much about it.