Newbie Journal

Only been on here a couple of days but already it's been great to hear from people with a similar condition to me.

I'm pretty sure I have SAD. In school, teachers would comment to my parents that I was bright but that I wouldn't participate in discussions in class. This behavior was repeated even more in secondary/high school in my teenage years. These years were tough enough and I fell into a behaviour of having a few close friends - I was pretty much initimdated by my peers and avoided social occassions in what should have been my formative years.

At college, I had a few close friends again but avoided group situations and any course-work involving presentations was a complete nightmare and avoided if possible.

Despite my condition, I met and married and have my own family. As life has gone on and I've become busier with everyday things, I've found myself avoiding social occassions like weddings etc. although I do enjoy a night out on rare occassions with my own close group of friends. My SA is always there - I get anxious in certain situations such as in work where there might be a meeting and I might be asked my opinion or to demonstrate something. I actively avoid these kind of situations.

This whole thing has flared up recently due to a speech I have to give at the weekend (a youth club I am involved in). This has been on my mind pretty much since March or April and has grown and grown as the year has gone on and has now grown into a monster. It's put me in a pretty bad mood and irritable and has put some distance between myself and my wife..

Recently, I've got to thinking that I need to tackle this head on and take on things that I would normally avoid and I suppose this will be something of a diary to see how I get on and to concentrate my mind.

I've started listening to 'Overcoming Social Anxiety Step by Step by Thomas A richards' having tried listening to it before but become bored by the programme. I'm going to try and stick to it this time even after I make/avoid my speech at the weekend.

Sorry for my long ramblings!

Hi, and welcome to the forums!

Welcome pirl,
good luck for your speech, don't worry too much, and if you don't mind, I will tell you that you will probably feel way better if you take your courage and go do it, than if you avoid it.

Hi, welcome to the site.

Hi pirl!

I hated participating at school too.. Learnt some tips and tricks later on though..

It's great you managed to get married and are helping with a youth club!

Have you tried Toastmasters yet? There are a lot of good books on public speaking too, have you read any?
We have some tips in some threads here too, maybe do a search?

Feathers said:

Hi pirl!

I hated participating at school too.. Learnt some tips and tricks later on though..

It's great you managed to get married and are helping with a youth club!

Have you tried Toastmasters yet? There are a lot of good books on public speaking too, have you read any?
We have some tips in some threads here too, maybe do a search?

Click to expand...

Hi all and thanks for the kind words.

I haven't tried toastmasters. To be honest, I've told no-one about my SA or fears - just don't feel like I can for some reason.

The public speaking thing is something of a once-off (once yearly probably) so it's not something I'll be doing on a regular basis. All I really have to do is thank a few people and make a few announcements so it really shouldn't be that bad but it fills me with fear. I often wonder how other people can just get up there and talk and wonder if they feel nervous or fearful - I suppose it's something I should discuss with them if/when I have my speech done.

I'm thinking of going into 'character' when it's my turn - putting on an act per se and becoming someone else. Not sure how that will work out. I think I've come to the realisation that I need to tackle these fears and stop letting them control me. Work is a bit too comfortable so it's hard to push the boat out and put myself in situations in which I'd feel anxiety - home life is too busy and again it's hard to put myself in different situations - I suppose you could say I'm stuck in something of a comfortable rut!!

One thing I did notice is that the negative thoughts and doubts absolutely love the night-time. I went to a meeting last night about the youth club night at the weekend (I normally avoid meetings as they remind me of having to make a speech) so was happy with that even though there were only a handful of people there. I came home confident that I would be ok for the speech but during the night, the doubts came as I slept, woke me up and tried there best to drag me down. I handled them ok but it's something I have to watch. Really struggling with sleep the last couple of weeks in the build up to the weekend - if nothing else, I can't wait until it's over so I can get some decent sleep!!

By the way, listened to the first section of 'Overcoming SA' and I think slowtalk is a neat idea. Have to practice it and may use it for my speech to try and slow myself down..

Well, it's been a busy day for me and a big thanks goes out to one of the guys on here who I've been speaking with - very helpful and amazing to have someone to bounce thoughts off. I've never told anyone of my SA so it's such a big help to discuss it with someone.

It turns out that I may have a touch of Avoidance Disorder as well as SA and from having a chat today, I also feel like I've tendencies towards OCD!

One thing that came up today was when I was trying to figure out where these anxieties came from - I had a normal upbringing and had no trauma of any sort. The one thing that came up was that I always tried hard to be a good child and not to give my parents any trouble - I never had a stage of teenage rebellion and I feel that maybe I've carried this desire to keep people happy, not to offend, to be all things to all people etc. into my adult life. Maybe there's something there. I also read a bit about Avoidance disorder and I have a tendency to avoid social occassions leaving me with a very small group of friends - I didn't even realise that I done it to the extent that I did and need to tackle that. Funny thing is that when I do go out, sometimes I don't enjoy myself at all (if I'm feeling down and have pre-determined that I won't) but sometimes, I'll have a great time..

I have a lot of self-doubt and negative thoughts which I think may come from low self-esteem and low confidence so I need to work on this. My mind also tends to race most of the time and I have trouble relaxing - this may come from having a young family but I think there is more to it.

So today, I've been trying to stop my mind running the whole time and found it a great help. I've also done a couple of small things to challenge myself - in work today, I walked into the canteen and struck up a conversation whilst a number of people were in there - I had been in the habit of just sitting quietly in the cornet. I'm also making an effort not to worry so much about what I think people think of me and just let them take me as I am. I've also decided to try and push the boat out as often as possible to challenge my SA - I really am coming around to feeling like the only way to get over this is to burst straight through it.

I've been extraordinarily relaxed given that I have to give this speech in two days. Part of me is actually kinda looking forward to it (perhaps because I know I can relax after it).. I suppose I'm trying to turn my nervous energy into an excited energy. My big fear is that this is the 'calm before the storm' and that things will blow-up on the night but I have to keep telling myself that won't happen. Going to write the speech out later and practice, practice, practice - hopefully preparation and familiarity will help on the night. I didn't let my mind wander onto the speech today or what I would say, I've put that aside until tonight and that has helped - thinking about the speech before, it was easy to start visualising myself delivering it (i.e. an unwritten speech) and get anxious at the thoughts.

One smal thingl that happened today. I have this thing where if I go into a bank and have to sign my name, I get panicky and my neck starts shaking. I know it sounds weird but it's a real thing - I can talk to the cashier no problem but when I have to sign my name or think I might have to do so, I get very anxious. I decided to take the bull by the horns today and headed to the bank to lodge a cheque - I even went to customer service desk to ask a question (to which I knew the answer) just to challenge myself in an environment in which I get anxious. Waiting in the queue, I struck up a conversation with an old guy. When it came to my turn to be served, I became anxious as I thought I might have to sign the cheque (turned out I didn't). I was annoyed leaving the bank but decided not to beat myself up over it - have another cheque to lodge tomorrow so planning to not fill in all the form so I'll have to finish it at the counter in front of the cashier...

Anyway, apologies about my wanderings but I'm only starting to get my mind around some of this.

The other thing I've realised from doing some research is that I could be a lot worse off. I have a job - I have a family - I am able to go outside and speak to people.. I just need to take what I have and make the most of it!

AND a big thank you to the guy who helped me today - You know who you are and I'm extremely thankful -

Just had a thought - I've spent so much time and effort in the past trying to avoid situations.. perhaps the easier option was just to go and do them!

Sounds like you have a good plan going. Though if you are slightly introverted you shouldn't force yourself into too much conversation at break time. Even at work people need some alone time. I don't know what sort of work you do or how much public contact you have, but alot of talking for an introvert can use up a lot of energy and you don't want to wear youself out.

I really like the way you're tackling things!!

Yeah, coming here made me realize I was quite okay compared to some too..

I was always terrified before any public appearances (or school tests/exams) but felt really awesome afterwards.. So maybe just focus on feeling relaxed and awesome later..

Going into character is an interesting idea too.. some actors and such do it too..

About signing cheques - could it be something to do with the neck maybe? Maybe the counter is in such a position.. If you have a way to practise on similar height counter without any bank teller there you could see if it only happens with people present or not..?

I think it's really good to mingle in the breaks if your work is solitary.. And I like the mini steps you've been doing..

Well, looking forward to reading more of your adventures!

Had a good evening. Wrote out 2/3rds of my speech. Keeping it short and to the point so it won't take too long. I went to bed very positive.

Noticed that the negative thoughts come at night and then first thing in the morning when I wake up. Was a bit tired this morning so was more of a struggle to try and fight them off. Been a small bit anxious so far this morning - just a niggling feeling - been busy at work before break so going to take 5 or 10 minutes to relax myself and get myself going again. I think the negative thoughts and anxiety can work on a sub-concious level as well as a concious level and that's probably the hardest part to tackle (would be interested in hearing the thoughts of others on this).

I often wonder if I am one of those people who just need to have something to worry about.. On Saturday morning, when I get out of bed and the speech is behind me, I wonder if I'll be looking for something else to worry about. I suppose now that I am aware of my habits, I can look out for it. My mother is also a worrier - I wonder if she suffered with anxiety like I do - maybe I'll be able to ask her one day. I feel like my relationship with my parents is somewhat stunted - I still often feel like a child when I am in their company even though I have children of my own!

So to sum up, feeling a small bit anxious at the moment but going to take 5 minutes to myself and try and re-program my mind to where it was last night. Wish me luck!

Just after lunch. The one thing that strikes me is that this really is a battle that requires a consistent approach. Take your eye off the ball for one minute and the anxiety will sneak back!

One of the big problems I have is that there aren't that many situations where I can put myself outside my comfort zone. I struggled a bit through my work with the youth club and held back from a lot of things as it was prior to really realising what I am dealing with. Looking forward to next year with the club as it'll let me push myself beyond my boundaries on a consistent basis. Like I said, I am pretty comfortable in my workplace and can deal with most situations there.

I might look into doing some voluntary work or joining some other clubs over the winter to give me a chance to do this...

My head has been a bit fuzzy today with everything that's going on. Keep telling myself that I can rest, relax and reflect come the weekend - just hopefully all will go ok tomorrow..

Welcome

Well, what an interesting day it has been.

Felt anxious for a lot of the day with the thoughts of making this speech. Arrived home and seemed to relax and take the positive attitude I had yesterday.

Went for a run with a friend (no big deal, do this regularly) and got to speaking about having to do this speech and actually got around to telling him that I get very anxious about this and other things. While I didn't tell him I suffered from SA, it was a breakthrough for me. He's good at public speaking but he told me that wasn't always the way and that he used to get very self-concious and used to dread anything like that! Very interesting chat. Before, I would have said 'I'm useless at public speaking' etc but tonight I actually admitted that I get very anxious. We then had a laugh about the worst effects of nerves when speaking (voice quivering, shaking etc) and done some impressions of the excesses of this - I'm just delighted to have discussed this subject..

On the way home, something else happenned. A while back, a few mates were organising a night out at a show. I turned down the offer but told him tonight that I should have gone - turns out there is a spare ticket and I'm now going along. Will be meeting a few people I know and some I don't know too well. This isn't a big deal at all but I did have a tendency to avoid such things (I'd always find some excuse for myself like lack of money etc but I suspect the real reason was social avoidance)..

So, a positive end to a day that didn't start too well.

Tomorrow is the big day though as it's the day I have to do my speech. By the way, has anyone tried 'rescue remedy' - was thinking of perhaps trying that to take the edge off the nerves beforehand - I'm afraid that while I sit waiting for my turn (we'll all be at a table at the top of the room), the anxiety will kick in and any tips on how to cope with this would be appreciated..

Great to hear about all this!!

You're actually one of the more inspiring people here! Just came here and already doing all this work to get better - WOW!!

Of course, practise it well.. Then look around for friendly eyes or just look around the crowd as a 'fog' (for me it was easier to be on stage without glasses, and even with glasses I sometimes just 'gloss over' sort of..)

As for pre-jitters.. maybe mint tea or something like that? Haven't tried 'rescue remedy' yet, not sure what it is - try to do a search or google it.. I prefer to not experiment with unknown substances at such a point and just bear it out and go for it.. it would be good to try it before and see how your body reacts..

Avoid being hungry.. It's good if you eat something 'substantial' like protein beforehand, or if you remember feeling good after certain meals that might be a good idea (I feel brainfog or feel worse after some..) anxiety can be nutrition-related..

Stay away from sugar or alcohol or caffeine (especially if you don't take them regularly), though they can make you braver.. not sure how to advise you on this one.. (their effect is short-term usually though.. they also leech good vitamins/minerals so in that case eat something nutritious enough first.. and especially if you're not used to it, be careful.. caffeine can make my hands shake lol.. in that case rest hands on a stand or something.. or have notes on a stand..)
I knew someone who 'needed a few beers' before speeches/presentations but she became longwinded and sorta boring then.. better to just go in, do your thing, make'em laugh if you can..

don't expect too much, sometimes people just hate speeches, or look forward to more interesting parts of the evening.. so don't expect too much of yourself.. you don't have to be good or make 'em give you standing ovations, you just have to go through with it and survive it, it's just 'practise'..
maybe something like that could be a good attitude?

I really like it how you discussed it with a friend!! (I worried about my iADD-ishness and talked about it with someone and he asked what it is and said he might have it himself too, lol! and his son!)

Fingers crossed all goes well for tomorrow!!

Feathers, thanks for the kind words - much appreciated.

I actually woke up this morning really positive but having come into work and got stuck into the daily workload here, the negativity has been crawling into the recesses of my mind. I'm thinking I get so busy and distracted at work that I don't have as much time to flight these thoughts. Interesting yesterday that it was fater work when I got positive again.

Spoke to someone on here and they advised me to slow down a bit which is good advice, probably trying to do too much at once and it might become overwhelming.

Really can't wait to get the speech done and be able to relax tomorrow and reflect on all I learned this week without having this pressure to deal with!

Just finishing up work and heading off now. Speech in a couple of hours and I'm very very nervous. Hoping that once I get out of work, I'll have that off my mind so I will be able to concentrate on what I have to do..

The upshot is that in a few hours, I'll be finished for better or worse and I will be able to relax. Just spoke to a friend who recently had to give a presntation and he was telling me he suffered a lot from nerves beforehand - apparently 75% of people have public speaking as their number one fear!

Have to work hard to keep myself calm beforehand.

Enjoy the weekend everyone!

All over and still alive!

In the end I didn't have to make a speech! There was me thinking that this would be a very organised event with everyone making long speeches - even wrote out a speech!

As it turned out, it was pretty chaotic - the kids done what kids usually do when in a large group - most of the parents either sat down the back uninterested or weren't there so it was a matter of speaking above the noise and all it was was a matter of just reading out the name of the child from our group that won an award. As it turned out, the other chap who looks after our group with me read out the name..

So in a nutshell, I had myself in a state over nothing!

What I did do was get chatting with loads of people, helped out handing out awards up on the stage and generally had a very enjoyable evening. I'm not thinking what a fool I was for getting so worked up but I'm not going to beat myself up over that.

This has been a real week of learning for me and I've learned a lot of myself -the thing now is to push on with this process (without the pressure of the 'speech'!!).I do feel I have made great strides this week - just need to be consistent now and look to put myself in situations that I wouldn't normally do.

The day after the night before!

Strange day today. All the worry of the speech is behind me and I feel shattered. Went out for a couple of drinks with a pal last night and stayed up a bit too late.

I have had a strange 'buzzing' in my mind, I think it's in withdrawal from the lack of something to worry about!

Nothing much else to say - I feel ok - not feeling anything like the ectasy I expected I'd feel once I had last night out of the way. Probably not a bad thing that I feel quite normal today! I'll be getting to bed early to catch up with some sleep then going to get stuck back into 'Overcoming SA, step by step' tomorrow.

Very quiet boring day. Anyone find the quiet times harder than the busy ones - I don't think it's good when I have too much time to think!!

Good thing is I'm pretty relaxed and have caught up on some sleep over the weekend.

Tomorrow is a new day - have to continue pushing myself. Finding that just saying 'hello' to people with a smile can break down a lot of barriers - must try to continue to do this.

Had a look at facebook this evening - how come it seems that everyone else has a really fun life compared to mine!! Not sure how truthful people are on facebook - the don't tend to post things like 'dull, boring day - sat on the couch watching football and wondering what life is all about'!