naks-bg

Anyway, sorry I've written so much again. Thanks for listening to me. Maybe we could move our conversation to an instant messenger, if you have it?

(Part III)
I hope that when I start taking medication, that it will be as helpful for me as it has been for you. I know there are other things involved to help you get better. You need to have a pretty big change in throught process. That won't be easy. Especially since I've trained my brain to be scared pretty much my whole life. Fear is all I know. I'm always LOOKING for something on my body to freak out about. If I have no "symptoms", I will definitely look for them. And my determined brain will find them without a doubt. I always have to worry...I just don't know why. I wish my OCD would be over something else. Obsessive cleaning would be better. At least my house would be neat, haha.

(Part II)
Of course, I've had panic disorder my entire life also. Any health worry I got, would turn into a major panic attack. I've had panic attacks for other reasons, too, but I think my hypochondria is the main one.

I think it's great that you were able to see doctors to confirm that you were physically okay. I'm really scared of going to the doctor. My psychiatrist (who is also a woman's physician) wants me to get blood work done. She wants to check my hormone levels (for specific reasons) and all sorts of things. I'm terrified of having it done. I'm so scared that she will say I have diabetes, leukemia, or something else that isn't pleasant. Diabetes runs in my family, and I can't even tell you how many times I've stressed over having leukemia. I hate my brain.

(Part I)
Thank you. I appreciate you sharing that with me. I see a lot of similarities between us. I've worried about my health for as long as I can remember. Even when I was about 4-5 years old, I would freak out over tiny health things. I got a piece of food stuck in my teeth, and even that scared me. I was afraid it would never come out and I would feel that uncomfortableness forever. I also ended up getting a piece of food stuck in my throat one day, and would never eat after that. I got incredibly skinny because of it. I think the only thing I would eat was noddles, and that was because it's pretty hard to choke on those, haha.

Thank you. I really appreciate you wanting to help me. I understand that I basically feed the negative thoughts/feelings, and not the positive. I know that my mind is ME, but I do feel like I can't escape the negative stuff. It isn't just negative and depressing thoughts that I get. I feel extremely terrified that I've got cancer or other things. I know that's just my stupid, irrational OCD. But the fears are real to me, no matter how stupid and illogical they are. It's as if I HAVE to worry about something all the time. Non-stop. It's so fun! Har har.

Would you mind sharing with me the thoughts/fears/whatever you had before the medication and everything? Like, your health concerns and panicky feelings?

(Part III)
ANYWAY, sorry this is so lengthy. I appreciate your input and listening to me moan and groan. I barely know you, so this may come off as a bit creepy...but I wanted to tell you that you're basically the reason why I'm giving in to the medication. You said that you've dealt with a lot of the same issues that I'm currently battling, and that medication has helped you immensely. It gave me a little hope that it just may help me. We'll see. So, how have you been doing and feeling and stuff lately?

(Part II)
I'm tired of constantly worrying about my health. It's like my brain never shuts off or sleeps. I know I just sound like a whiny little bitch, complaining about stupid problems. I mean, there are starving kids with malaria in Africa, and I'm bitching about my mental issues. Pretty trivial in comparison.

(Part I)
You are 100% right. I agree with you completely. I just wish that happiness could come more easily. I feel trapped within my own mind and I have no idea how to escape. I'm tired of living this way. I was scheduled to see my therapist this morning, and I planned on taking my medication (FINALLY) while in my session with her. But alas, she called in sick (she has lupus, so it's justified). I won't get to see her until Friday, which means I probably won't take my medication until then either. Which is fine, I guess. I've gone this long without it. I've just been having so much anxiety and depression these past few days, that I felt like I really needed to talk with her and start my drugs.

yw. thanks, same to you

An ex-psychiatrist of mine wanted to put me on Mirtazapine. I never did take it. For some reason, it's hard for me to take medication. I'm just hesitant about it. I'm weird, though.

And you're right, it IS just half the battle. I feel like I'm driving myself insane, though. Like right now for example. It's 5:00am and I woke up about 2 hours ago because I had some stomach cramping and stuff. I went to the restroom and immediately got scared that it was something serious. It couldn't possibly be the fact that I had pizza for dinner and ice cream for dessert. Nope, it must be a tumor, GI bleed or appendicitis. I also have some muscle tightness in my abdominal area. I get that a lot from back pain. It's different now, though. Not sure why. Hopefully it's all in my head. My mom said the muscles felt tight, so that's what it would most likely be...I hope. Hi, what are you up to?

hi, thanks for the add

Gosh, that is great to hear! I'm glad that you are doing much better now and want to put everything in the past. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of medication are you taking? I've taken a few different ones, but none of them really worked for me. I've tried Prozac. I got all the way up to 80MG, and still felt nothing. I also took Luvox, and that didn't help much either. I'm currently taking Clonazepam (Klonopin) for my panic attacks.

My psychiatrist gave me a prescription for an anti-OCD medication called Anafranil. I still have yet to take it. I've been very reluctant to, for some reason. But my therapist is helping me get the balls to do it. So, we will see.

Anyway, sorry the long post. I'm doing okay, I guess. How are you doing today, sir?

Oh, wow. That is pretty odd! Cool, though. I'm glad you were able to find me. Do you suffer from hypochondria? (If you posted in the thread, I haven't seen it because I haven't looked at it in ages. I'm sure I'd have to search for it.)

You wanna know something funny about my hypochondria thread? I'm still bothered to this day, that I made a typo in the subject title. I forgot the "D" in it. Ugh, it plagues me. Haha.

Oh, really? How did you find me?

yea i watched Ares 1-X Test flight was exciting something different about it after all the missions of the shuttle just going up to low earth orbit, the Ares is going to be a step up and its about time we get back to the moon and mars in the future.
the constellation program is defiantly underfunded that's the big problem, i guess its understandable with the state of the economy but the benefits would be bigger in the long run and it would get everyone interested in space again. its going to be disappointing to have to rely on the Russians when the shuttle is retired and it looks like we will have quite a gap before the ares rockets are ready

Hey there. Thanks for the friend request.

You're welcome dear!

i have seen andromeda quite a few times from a telescope and binoculars and its not as bad as you would think form binoculars its always spectacular to see our neighbor galaxy even if it just with the naked eye, thinking about how far away it is.
o yea i big into the space missions i never miss a nasa launch and landing. I follow all the spacecraft around the solar system and i watch the Russian launchs sometimes. looking forward to when the new nasa ares rockets are ready

i use binoculars more than the telescope sometimes they are best telescope it takes so long to set up and they are so heavy. I have a celestron "powerseeker 675" reflector it has a 4.5 inch mirror there is great results lots of detail but reflector telescopes are difficult to maintain and you have to constantly line up the two mirrors. If your thinking of getting one i recommend starting with a refractor telescope they need almost no maintenance and last a long time

Hi thanks for the add and welcome to spw! i see your interested space exploration and astronomy. this stuff fascinates me, i do alot of observing i have a telescope and binoculars