introducing myself

Hi everyone -

I'm Pete, 32 years old and work in IT. I've been dealing with some form of social phobia for most of my life and finally want to adress it or at least better understand what it is I'm dealing with. Its been increasingly affecting what I do and don't do and don't want to look back and regret not doing anything about it.

Not sure if I fit the traditional picture of social anxiety. I am very quiet and have difficulty keeping conversation going, never initiate it. I hate talking to people I don't know well. I've got a problem talking about anything personal, if I talk to colleagues at work it would always be about work related topics.

What I find strange is that I wouldn't consider myself necessarily shy. I actually enjoy public speaking and have done a lot of it (though I always dread it and get very nervous before hand). I would much prefer it to be a very large group of people than just a few.

I like to be prepared and be very methodical in how I present, if I get called out in a meeting for an opinion when I wasn't expecting it I have trouble articulating anything meaningful while I probably have a strong opinion.

I've always avoided awkward social situations, will always look to arrange things online or over email. I'll let phone calls go to voice mail so I can listen to them first, even from people I know (even in some cases from family members). I've not been able to have any real relationships, haven't had friends since my school days though would classify my colleagues as the closest thing to friends even though we don't typically meet outside of work. If I do have to talk to people, I have most trouble talking to females who are in my general age range.

I started researching the spectrum of social anxiety disorders recently and came across this site and thought I'd give it a go and try to meet some people here and see if there are others in a similar situation.

Does anybody have some thoughts on what type of disorder I'm dealing with and/or suggestions on any treatment to help keep it under control.

Thanks and look forward to participating on this forum!
Pete

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

Welcome to the forum! I am not sure what type of disorder you're dealing with. You might want to talk to a doctor about this.

Welcome to the forum.... We can be your friends here.

Hi, welcome to SPW Pete

Hello, Pete. My on-the-spot impression is that you have very low self-confidence and/or self-esteem. I think talking to people here/reading their posts might help. The more comfortable you get knowing others struggle, and meeting others here, it might help you feel more relaxed with your personality. And that's all it is, really, feeling comfortable in your own skin around others. Just takes a little self reflection and practice-in-action. I wish you luck!

Sounds to me more like a lack of practice than a phobia. What makes you think it's a phobia?

Thanks for the welcome everyone!

Xervello - I've been trying to look at where its coming from, don't particularly strike me as a self-esteem thing though I guess it could be. I definitely feel I've achieved some great things in my life and other than the social aspect generally am very happy.

Flanscho - I'm not sure its a phobia, but it is severe and if I'm honest do have a lot of avoidance behavior. Practice might be the answer though that does really scare me at the moment.


Maybe I should be looking into exposure therapy of some sort. Is it possible to do that kind of thing on your own or does it really require a therapist?

Have a look at this thread, I would suggest your social phobia falls mostly under relationship anxiety

geek said:

Maybe I should be looking into exposure therapy of some sort. Is it possible to do that kind of thing on your own or does it really require a therapist?

Click to expand...

I think that some therapy/research before exposure is good to gain an understanding of the mechanics of phobia, having that knowledge means you can be more objective when fears arise

Welcome, Pete the geek!

Pete

I am just like you.

If you notice any posts from me, don't waste your time reading 'em.

I wish I could have come up with your first post.

The ways you are much better than me; I wish I could be.

This now means my first sentence above is false!

My head is full of junk, but it means everything to me. I jump on any thread and add too much. I've been trying to cut down on my comments

Practice is what was missing in my first office job. I got some but not enough, because each job never lasts. I face rejection. Without the practice, it gets worse.

I hope you do better

Hi Pete I just joined and some of what you said jumped out at me, especially about the phone. I hope you learn more about your anxieties on here, say hello anytime!