How to have a relationship when u have BDD ?

I had a big huge horrible depressive and anxiety breakdown yesterday regarding this BDD (body dysmorphia) illness I have.

So I know in my relationship that at the heart of it there are extreme triggers to me that I just don't want to go there with.
I have a guy that I have feelings for , is very loyal and seems to be in love with me . Yet I am just unhappy, quite unhappy. Especially right now.

So with his schizophrenia, he just can be a taker in the relationship - but most men are like that. Yet because of his illness he is so into himself regarding how he looks and what he does to the point his mindset and talking, his beliefs about himself can be so over the top and in glorification like there is no inch of low self esteem at all.
And I've got low self esteem because of this illness. I'm a giver and I give too much. Like most women do.

I never really though the was attractive in the visual sense when I worked with him. I likedh for other things. Things that I recognised I wanted in myself. Like liking my appearance and having a sense of self security.

But being in a relationship with him - with someone that takes a lot of emphasis on his appearance - doing his hair for hours even when we aren't going anywhere and talking about it and always looking at his reflection and telling me and so how good looking he is and then the actual thousands and thousands of selfies of himself on Facebook and his computer that he is always looking at them.

Yesterday, he was telling me like he does often about Facebook and his obsessions on there. That he thinks that everyone in our state basically knows him and that he is famous because of things in his past and fb. That he engineers his page well. Telling me how he always blocks random people.
But when he started telling me about how their are pretty girls and pretty pretty girls that have nice photos but he blocks them because they have nothing to offer him. Guess how that makes me feel? With BDD..

Then to mention his breakdown 6 years ago with that girl he did everything for in regards to showing her affection but she wasn't into him at all. That he made a scrapbook for her on things that happened on the date she was born etc. See, if anyone has read my post about bf not thinking I'm pretty - I write about the things he had said to me when we first started going out. And before that, at work he would tell me how beautiful and pretty this woman was from his past, that's he was beyond pretty - her face like an angel etc.

So every time he mentions her I get sick to my stomach because I know he is not like that about me and that is something that I have wanted sort of in a man - I want to be in a relationship where the guy likes my face in that way. And you know, I just don't see him doing things for me like he had done for that woman. It's more like the reverse - I do everything for him and he takes and it's lol about his looks like he is the woman and not me or something.

And then yesterday , he started talking about how guys like his sister because of the way she looks but because she has a mental illness nothing happens. But see, I never thought she was pretty. But she says that people tell her she is all the time and I think her brother my bf thinks so too.
So those things just create a huge BDD attack.
Not to mention that the banner on his fb page is photos of me - really really bad ones because I don't let him take photos of me - so these are random ones and they are gross and make me feel so bad about myself. And after I told him ages ago not to take photos of me because if I see it I potentially have attacks and can put me out for months with bad thoughts of myself and he goes and makes a banner collage of photos of me.
But it's just that, I feel like he is in a relationship with me because he likes what I have in my life and my persona - he likes where I live with all my animals and my family and that I do everything for him and am a people pleaser and that I am intellectual and he is not and that he likes my body and that I am vegan and compassionate - he likes my face but I don't think he is really that artracted to me like I want a guy to be and it really hurts my feelings - I want to be told I'm pretty and a guy to help me love myself outside.
I feel like listening to him in his mentality - calling certain women hot and thinking that hot women and young women aren't for him because they have no substance - but that is as if to say that I am ugly and not good looking you know.
I'm just sick of it - it's a huge trigger - I'm going around thinking I am so ugly because of his mentality.
I just am not coping too well.

Not all guys like to be pampered or always getting paid for. Thats probably your personal experience if you're dating the same type of guys consistently. Anyways even if you didnt have BDD, some of the things you said would upset a lot of women. Or men if the roles were reversed. I wouldnt want my gf telling me how hot some dude was on FB if she never said that about me. Heck I got insecure as hell a few weeks ago, when we had a double date with a friend of hers and her bf came in with a tank top on and had huge muscles. And she made the comment "She didnt tell me how ripped her new boyfriend is" when we got in the car, and it made me really self conscious. And like I said I dont have BDD. So now Im trying to find a gym membership lol.

I'm sorry, I know the role of mental illnesses here make this whole situation a bit difficult, but honestly -- mental illness or not -- what your bf is doing just sounds wrong. Like Megaten said, this would tick off a lot of people, of either sex. Just reading your post started making me a little annoyed.

Anybody wants to feel loved and attracted to in their relationship. I don't have BDD, so I can't relate there. However, I do have very low self-esteem some days and I some days are so unbearable I can't even look in a mirror because I feel so bad. My bf knows this about me. And every single day he never fails to tell me how "hot" or "beautiful" or "cute" I am, even when I sincerely disagree with him and can't see it for myself. That's what a good partner should do. Bring you up when you feel down. Strengthen your weaknesses. Make you feel good about yourself. Not make comparisons.

I haven't read your past posts, but it sounds like you have a history of this guy bringing you down....? BDD or not, I don't think your issue is you so much as it's him. As you quoted:

But it's just that, I feel like he is in a relationship with me because he likes what I have in my life and my persona - he likes where I live with all my animals and my family and that I do everything for him and am a people pleaser and that I am intellectual and he is not and that he likes my body and that I am vegan and compassionate - he likes my face but I don't think he is really that artracted to me like I want a guy to be and it really hurts my feelings - I want to be told I'm pretty and a guy to help me love myself outside.

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It honestly sounds like you two need to sit down and talk about how you both define a relationship and how you both see each other. Why you're together and what you both expect. I hope you two can figure it out and make it work.

yup, to be honest, I'm annoyed with your boyfriend everytime I read one of your posts. It's not your BDD, it's your boyfriend. Your boyfriend should not be dating someone with low self esteem, he should be dating someone confident who is strong and motivated enough to deal with his bullshit without being emotionally affected. And you should be dating someone nicer and less self-centered, like Phoenixx boyfriend.

I hope I'm not bringing you down by saying that.