Highschool

It has been over 4 years since I graduated from highschool but I still think about it all of the time. I think about random events or people and just keep wondering and thinking. It is sad really that I am stuck in the past almost like reliving those events over in my mind as if they were really happening again. Sometimes the thoughts of highschool make me depressed, they used to make me real depressed before my meds but sometimes I long for the experience again. I don't know what it is but just being around people of the same age all together in one big place seemed so much easier then being out in the real world. I long to relive experiences which I screwed up but then again I don't know if I would ever go back in time to redo it. Highschool was just too much looking back at it.

I'm sure there are others with that same experiences?

High school was 30 years ago for me. I only went for like a week. Instead I dropped out, took a ged test and went to college instead. My friends were still in high school though, we would party and go to concerts. After they finished high school, they kinda went their own ways, one joined the marines, another joined the army. I stayed here, worked, and lost some years to social anxiety disorder and depression.

The good thing about high school (I'm in high school at the moment but graduating at the end of this year) is that everyone sees everyone else, nearly every day and most have done so for the last 5 years. And every day is planned and routine.

I don't have to instigate friendships or conversations because people will do those things for me. I don't have to predict what will happen because my life from Monday - Friday, is already planned out on one A4 sheet of paper.

I don't want to leave this place, it's secure.

The only good thing about high-school is its definite end. Whether you succeed or fail, you are going to leave it, one day, and that's an immutable fact which I am very thankful for. I had been to several high-schools, I met lots of retarded people, and some very genuine, kind people. Some taught me something, and even those who didn't directly, had some indirect effect on my development.

I am going to graduate in three weeks, and am glad that I won't have to return ever again. I am longing for more knowledge and understanding - things high-schools are incapable of giving.

The only thing I am not thankful for is my disgust for society and social activity - on the other hand, the entailed isolation will hopefully facilitate my academic studies.

man...i graduated from high school back in summer of 2003..one of the BEST days of my life..3 years of absolute torture..dont know how i got through it all..well, i used to be like you, used to look back on my high school years and pity myself for missing out on the school life, having friends, partying etc etc...but fuc* that...the important thing i that you MOVE on and get your DIPLOMA and get the fuc* out of there..well, at least thats why i did..

hahah \


<.<

High school is the machine that's supposed to turn you into a productive, contributing member of society. Of course, with SA we're all defective units to begin with, so it doesn't really work on us. It's simply something we're forced to endure in order to get an education. I don't know what anyone else learned at high school, but I learned to be a misanthropic shit with a profound distrust of my fellow man.

Now I have a job, at which I'll slave away until I'm 65, whereupon I'll retire. Free at last! But at 65 you're generally too frail and senile to do anything particularly exciting with the tattered remnants of your life, so it's pretty much a case of hanging around waiting to die.

And that's life, kids.

But at 65 you're generally too frail and senile to do anything particularly exciting with the tattered remnants of your life, so it's pretty much a case of hanging around waiting to die.

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Uh, well, it really depends on what you did for your body over the decades. There are plenty of physically and mentally active people beyond that age.

High school is the machine that's supposed to turn you into a productive, contributing member of society.

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Actually, the mentally healthy students flaunt their uselessness in a much more intense fashion than the introverted, socially awkward ones do. The likeliness of a student with SA to be cognitively more sophisticated is, I guess, much higher than of a normal one who spends his life chasing girls and entertaining the crowd.

I learned to be a misanthropic shit with a profound distrust of my fellow man.

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This is too true.

klytus said:

Uh, well, it really depends on what you did for your body over the decades. There are plenty of physically and mentally active people beyond that age.

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True. And there are plenty of doddering bed-wetters who waste their days playing shuffleboard or sitting on the porch screaming at kids to get off their lawn.

klytus said:

Actually, the mentally healthy students flaunt their uselessness in a much more intense fashion than the introverted, socially awkward ones do. The likeliness of a student with SA to be cognitively more sophisticated is, I guess, much higher than of a normal one who spends his life chasing girls and entertaining the crowd.

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Also true. But it's not much use being a cognitive sophisticate if you're terrified of going out into the world and actually putting that cognitive sophistication to some use, is it?

klytus said:

This is too true.

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Thanks. I like to think of it as my own personal way of being a productive, contributing member of society.

But it's not much use being a cognitive sophisticate if you're terrified of going out into the world and actually putting that cognitive sophistication to some use, is it?

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As far as scientific sophistication is concerned, researchers don't usually have to go very far to matter. So, even if you are terrified of going out, there's usually plenty of stuff you can do from inside your house, or, at least, from a place where social contacts are not decisive factors. It all depends on your personal inclinations and interests - and it's quite unlikely that a person who has SA becomes interested in an activity mainly involving social interactions.

And there are plenty of doddering bed-wetters who waste their days playing shuffleboard or sitting on the porch screaming at kids to get off their lawn.

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Haha. Admittedly, it's not always under one's control, but usually you can do a lot about postponing age-related crippling.

i remember reading an article in a newspaper,about a man in his early sixties who was conffesing that he was bullied in primary school and he still remembers faces of the people ant things they did to him, almost every day-so i could say facts speak for them selves,and the difference is how we cope with them.

I left 'highschool' last year and it's the same for me. I kinda long to go back there, because i actually really enjoyed it, whereas now, at uni, i'm having a bit of crappy time and i seem to have withdrawn even further into myself and become more socially awkward than before (and i was bad enough to begin with). I try not to dwell on it though, at least uni has given me something to focus on

i had a crap time in my 4 years of secondary school. Classmates held parties 3 to 4 times a year back then, but they never invited me again after i rejected their invitations the first couple of times. i would spend my lunch breaks hiding in the library, in this quiet corner behind all the book shelves and hope no one would find me, or when i got hungry, i'd buy some light snack and eat it in the toilet cubicle.

in my 4th and final year, i had this massive infatuation with this 15 yr old (sec 3) girl and would 'stalk' her in school and at the train station whenever i could. i even thought of failing my 'O'-levels so that i could repeat my studies for another year and continue to see her and maybe get the courage to finally go up and talk to her.

so I did NOT study at all for my 'O'-levels and i did very very badly but i still passed 4 of 5 subjects (which meant I passed my o-levels and graduated), and that allowed me to qualify at a polytechnic where i am studying right now, but because of my lousy scores i had a very limited choice of courses to choose from.

The only thing I regret are girls that liked me and I did nothing,so I always think what could have been,I saw one girl that I went to schoold with, that liked me yesterday with a guy and that got me thinking,what if that could have been me?
Even if I went back I would probably do the same thing again......

Rodox said:

The only thing I regret are girls that liked me and I did nothing,so I always think what could have been,I saw one girl that I went to schoold with, that liked me yesterday with a guy and that got me thinking,what if that could have been me?
Even if I went back I would probably do the same thing again......

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You don't even know man. Lol. There were maybe 4 very good looking freshman cheerleaders when I was a freshman. I had a crush on one, one day she came up to me during break and told me I had beautiful eyes. She had flirted with me a little in a class we had earlier in the year, I stood there and said "Oh I know" and she stood there and we both walked away.

Then.

At a football game I was sitting in the stands and one of her cheerleader friends was sitting by me and all of her friends were like go sit by him go sit by him. They pushed her over to me and I didn't know what to do and I thought they were doing it as a joke and I made a "ewww" sound. She had this smile like she was totally embarrassed I had blown her off in front of her friends.

Then.

Another cheerleader who I had flirted with a lot online said Hi to me when football practice was over in the hall and there were like 50 guys and she singled me out and I didn't know how to handle it and I nodded and she said "fine then don't say hi". I had gone out with her friend online for about a month and she kept telling me on the phone that compared to her friends other bf's I was an A+,+,+,+. After the hallway incident we never spoke again.

I can't get over these events, and I'm not trying to brag about the fact they were chearleaders. Even if I am cute or whatever I have zero social skills and blew it with each one of them. I think I will remember these for a long long time. I don't know if I will ever be able to get with the calibur of girls they were ever again or any girl for that matter.