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yes he did. And I feel so hurt and upset. its so silly. It happened over chat/messenger. I had a really bad day at work and everything - add in pms and the flue and loads of pressure of things I gotta do for early xmas party and then rug's online adventures and I cracked - Im like god its just distressing me and how selfish he can be and I just ripped into him. Id been doing that lately - I think he can do and say what he wants so I will. and he couldnt take it and said we should break up and then weve had cries and hes actually been an adult for once. We are still going to be friends but I get to work on myself and not have all that stuff you know.

I feel upset but Id been crying over this relationship for a long time. I feel like a weight has been lifted but heart breoken at the same time.

now tho, I can work on myself. Thanku guys on this forum for putting up with my rugs adventures lol
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Old 12-08-2017
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Whoa... it actually happened.

I've seen so many of these things go on and on and on...

Take it slow and take care of yourself, Grape.
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I think this is a good chance of boundaries from him.
I think its taken him going the longest without his medication plus me blowing up at him from such distress of his illness and my anxiety that he couldnt take it. Had he been on his anti pyschotic I dont think he wouldve done this as not being without it has made me easily more anxious and easy to get irritated.

Quite funny there are rug ads in this posts lol
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Originally Posted by grapevine View Post
yes he did. And I feel so hurt and upset. its so silly. It happened over chat/messenger. I had a really bad day at work and everything - add in pms and the flue and loads of pressure of things I gotta do for early xmas party and then rug's online adventures and I cracked - Im like god its just distressing me and how selfish he can be and I just ripped into him. Id been doing that lately - I think he can do and say what he wants so I will. and he couldnt take it and said we should break up and then weve had cries and hes actually been an adult for once. We are still going to be friends but I get to work on myself and not have all that stuff you know.

I feel upset but Id been crying over this relationship for a long time. I feel like a weight has been lifted but heart breoken at the same time.
Not much to add that hasn't already been said. Still, it's good to hear that you've decided to stay friend, especially after all you went through with the guy. Focusing on yerself will do you some good as well.

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now tho, I can work on myself. Thanku guys on this forum for putting up with my rugs adventures lol
No problem.
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Would have been better for your ego if you had been the one breaking it off, but either way, it's a positive thing for you.

I do think it's a bad idea for you to remain friends, at for the first couple of months.
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I dont think it wouldve ended well if I had ended it. I think this is the best outcome I couldve hoped for. Its a dig to the guts tho like any other break up - but strangely liberating at the same time.

What I liked is that he actually became adult-like in this situation and weve been able to talk it through. Ive gotten more out of him than when I actually was going out with him lol.

But we both recognise that its for the best that we depart. I really dug into him about his insanity online and was constantly very ill with anxiety and stress from all that and other stuff - I basically kept exploding at him - it was unreasonable to do so but reasonable from my point of view. I thought, if he could bring about so much distress in me and be loony and nuts I could let go and do the same. And I did lol. It wasn't the best of me that's for sure.
I let myself go at him and made such control and pressure in him to not be nuts - but of course the reality was that I was being unrealistic and demanding to a mentally unwell person. Trying to make him healthy. It wasnt right.

He was off his medication from forgetting to get his needle the other week - so being the longest gone without anti-psychotics and added me pushing at him with my anxiety towards his dysfunctions - thats were it ended.

He has put some boundaries in place - so we are just friends now and Im pretty sure that is how it will stay. Theres a time apart to deal with it and then seeing him every now and then to go for walks etc. He wouldnt try to get back with me I dont think as he knows it would be an uphill battle to deal with my outbursts and pressure on him. And pressure is what he cant take.

This is uneasy feeling. But its supposed to be.
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Now focus on yourself, and doing the things you enjoy doing without having to wonder how he'll react, or that he'll randomly show up at your house.
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Youd think Id be okay about it emotionally but the whole crying things got to me.
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I think it happening this way will work out best for you in the long run, grapevine.

While it will take a while to re-adjust to getting control of your life and health back, just think of it as a move forward - to heal the dysfunction that has been holding you back in your life, for quite a while now.
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May i say congratulations? You've got the outcome you wanted, and achieved in the best possible way.
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thanks

I know he was a sick man and I was trying to make him better. But in the end I became the sick one from trying and ended up basically exploding on him.

I have to say it feels pretty rotten, even tho yes it is the best outcome I ever hoped : )

I saw a van today with the numberplate 'vegan' and I thought: 'Well im single now.." lol

I feel upset and empty. Im not going to get that loyal romantic man anymore that was always there under and over his schizophrenia.

Its like - what is left of me now? I put so much effort in for a year and a half. Ive been quite ill all this year physically and mentally. And I began letting low self-esteem and not really having time to care for myself - having the anxiety of him just popping in unexpectedly. Making boundaries hard. I needed alot of space and he needed alot of company from me.

I feel kinda like - Ive been waiting to be able to free to concentrate on me and now all I feel is depression and saddness.

When I was with him - it took away that dependency on my mum, who cant drive and has a cochlear implant. My life before rugs was just taking mum out and doing things with her and feeling rotten about myself and a-sexual. Having rugs changed that for me. Now without him as a partner, it feels like Im back and have to really push myself in order to not get into that old depressed state where I dont work on myself and jsut be mum's ade. I dont want to let that happen.
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Try to focus on the good things that happened in the relationship, instead of the things that wore you out. Focus on the things that helped you grow and let that momentum help keep you going in a positive direction. It's easy to feel as though you're not gonna find anyone else to love you, but the more you work on yourself and put yourself out there, you'll find people you enjoy hanging out with and eventually will fall in love with someone.
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Well a bad thing happened. He was crying and wrote to me yesterday afternoon asking me if Id be his partner some time in the future and if he just wanted a big break instead.
He was basically pleading me and it made m so upset and those feelings of breaking up were heavy for me and at the same time being confronted with him I just made him feel better and ended up saying yes.

When what I really needed to do was say no. Then I ended up talking about how id may like 6 months or something. This is the worst thing because Im giving him hope. But its like I want him there but nothing serious, at the same time I dont want him there at all.

Its made me so drained and I just dont want to deal with him. I knew he would do this. Then he rang up and was crying on the phone. He has a problem with tolerance at any level so I knew he would do this and when you are in the midst of a breakup its hard to resist.

Im so silly. Now Ive given him hope and it distresses me greatly because I think my future is closed when I think about him. Like Ill never be able to have a life that I want because Im pleasing him.

I just want to move on - I want that good outcome to come back. To just be friends and have my space. And then my mum gets angry- she doesnt want me with him at all as she has seen me become this quite ill person now form it all. And Im hiding this from her.

I am beyond stressed. But Im sure I can get to the no.
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Next time you're in a stressful situation like that, take a moment to think 'what could I do wrong here that would make me to go SPW and write about it?' and do the opposite
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okay - I worte to him and said that Im not well and it could take 6 months beofer Id een think about being in a relationship again.

And he said we should just be friends.

So my thing is to limit any time online I spend with him because he has the knack to change his mind all the time and I have the unassertive knack of making saying yes when I mean no etc ... lol


So now I feel like Im in that okay place again and that I dont have to worry about feeling in that jailhouse of his life on my shoulders.

It just makes me feel stressed knowing that he is sitting there are home empty with nothing to do and so on. But I cant put that on me anymore- thats his responsibility not mine and its not my fault his illness makes him unable to do things I guess.
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okay and then rings up my home phone and mum answers it. Then gives the phone to me. And he tells me that he still wants to be my partner but on a break for as long as it takes.
He was all choked up and you could tell he had been crying again. All devastated. Telling me that he was going to quit smoking and lose weight and not go on facebook and instagram anymore etc.. that he was going to sort himself out.
And I just had to agree with him on the phone but I cant be his girlfriend anymore tho- but I couldnt say that to him. Not with him all like that.

It like carrying around this big weight - I cant do it. And the thought of it is so draining and depressing. And so he thinks what ever he thinks now.

But im just putting it all aside - im taking time out. I dont want to think about it or him. I know he is in axiety right now and in shock and loney etc - he doesnt know what to do with himself- but Im just too tired of dealing with it. Mum thinks were still broken up. I want to be broken up - but its like too shattering for him. And its all very hurtful for me.

I feel like ill never be free now. But ive got the time and the cause to keep at creating distance. I just dont want him to call my home and my mum gets angry at it and it creates stress and so on.

This is all just making me ill. Its like I have to always think of him when I want to think of myself. He cant recognise his own illness you know.

At least I am seeing my therapist in a few days. But I cant handle this anymore. Its like he is so depserate. And then I have my mum and other people telling me to rid myself of him and having no compassion for him. I feel so torn all the time.
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You're not his babysitter.
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Hes made all this effort to go off facebook and instagram is now private. He knew that was making me distressed. Id tel him all the time but he wouldnt listen until the other night and I jsut slammed it to him.

But he doesnt rcognise that its not just that - its everything else.
i cant say that to him.

The way he is feeling atm is intense but im gonna have to tell him that Im only friends with him for now and limited - and then later time should pass and so on and perhaps he might be over it? Or be comfortable wit hthe idea.

But the way he does things with his thinking and so on. Its one thing at a time with him - so if he is thinking about me - then its intense and it could carry on esp because he has nothing else in his life.

its like he is desperate mode.

i have no energy to do a thing right now. Housework or anything - its all getting me down.
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God this is so hard - he rings up home again and then asks if I wanted to do something in 20 mins. I at least said no to that.

He thinks we are still together. We arent in my mind - but I said we are to him - I said yes to his stuff because I couldnt say no.

This is a reason why I stay away from people - I can lack assertiveness.

He then asks if he could still come to the xms thing. But see my mum is still thinking we arent together and that its awkard to have him over and awkard to have him at home and with mum around.

I jsut dont know how to do this - ive had to tell him not to come over and so on. He is just desperate.

What would you do?
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It's like you're still in a relationship with him. You have to be blunt and tell him you need to process things and you need to maintain zero contact (actually zero, not 'less') so you can move forward. Obviously he's gonna be sad, obviously he's gonna try to negotiate, but that's when you need to keep being assertive and tell him that you're also sad but that it's the way it has to be, otherwise this will just keep on going on and on and on like it has ever since you first started talking about him.
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