DanielLewis
Well-known member
I'm experiencing social anxiety or shyness. I'm not sure which it is, but I tend to feel very uncomfortable in social situations. For example, at my college class everyone had to introduce themselves. I got extremely nervous about this and I became very self-conscious. A feeling of inferiority came over me as I saw others introduce themselves well, sometimes with enthusiasm and humor. When it came my turn, I found myself coming across as boring, without much emotion, and unnatural. I could muster up words, but just barely and without much personal expression. In the same class, we divided into groups to chat and get to know each more. Other people in my group were talking a lot, having fun, and laughing, while I was the quiet, awkward guy. I wanted to say more, as I always do, but I couldn't seem to think of anything to say. I was listening to others talk but was only smiling now and then and not being very responsive to what others were saying. When I eventually decided to speak up, I could tell others in the group didn't care much about what I was saying. One guy I looked at looked away while I was talking. No one really responded to what I said, which was, again, boring.
The anxiety doesn't stop here. I feel it's very severe at times. Sometimes in class I'll be so critical about how others perceive me that I'll wonder if where I'm looking at is normal - like if I'm staring at a wall, the teacher, or down at my notebook. It's weird, I know. Anyone else experience this? I'd like to think I'm not that weird and that it's more common among those with social anxiety. Anyway, I've been able to control this better at times when I really force myself to not think negative thoughts that put me into that state of mind.
When I go to public places, especially college, I tend to start to feel depressed and anxious seeing other people with friends socializing while I go about my daily business alone. I have no friends, but I am making an effort to make some. I try to talk to people but I can't seem to truly express myself emotionally, verbally, non-verbally, to make a connection with anyone. Not knowing what to say to people makes it all the worse. Usually it takes great effort for me to come up with something to say and, when and if I do, it's just boring most of the time; like logic-based and not a funny story, joke, or something interesting. I don't know how to use humor anymore and I, myself, can't remember the last time I genuinely laughed with others.
I have no problem going to public places like the grocery store, mall, etc., even alone. That doesn't really make me anxious. It's only specifically when I have to interact with another person. So, if I'm ordering food at a restaurant, I can even get a feeling of fear as I'm talking to the cashier or waitress. The same overwhelming fear hits me where I work as well sometimes when a coworker or boss says something to me. I can tell others can see the fear or sense something is wrong with me by the way they look at me, even though I try to hide it. I think it really comes through my eyes.
I don't have physical panic attacks that cause me to have to remove myself from social situations. I don't get like sweaty palms or faint or anything. I just have negative emotions, like fear and nervousness, and a mind that seemingly can't come up with words to say and socialize naturally with people. The negative emotions appear more and intensify when I find myself not being the more social person I want to be. Also, I don't tend to avoid social situations just because I fear them, especially if it needs to be done. For example, I walked into a few businesses today and spoke to the managers about a job opening. I go to job interviews, class, public places by myself. I even have been smiling at random strangers as I pass by or just saying "Hi" just to try to get better.
What I believe has caused this anxiety is having no close relationships with anyone. I have no friends, I don't feel a connection with any of my family members, etc. It's bad. This is probably why I lost my sense of self and don't really seem to know how to express myself anymore. It's been so long since I've been connected with someone to do so. From this also comes a lack of practice. While most others talk for at least a couple hours a day with people, I talk probably, on most days, 20-30 minutes. And the major sticking point for me seems to be not knowing what to say to people. I think if I had the words to say I could put the emotion and expression of myself into it. I literally just can't seem to think of things to say in any social situation, but sometimes I do filter myself; I'll have something to say, but I'll choose not to, thinking it's too boring, short like a one-word comment, or doesn't add much to the conversation. I've wondered if I could be a lot more social just by thinking of nothing at all for a day - no thoughts about what others think of me, no thoughts of trying to come up with something to say - and seeing if my subconscious could come up with things and I wouldn't filter any of it. What would happen? Would an innate social ability, that isn't inhibited by all the thinking, come out of me? According to one article I read about shyness, this is the way to do it, but I haven't fully done this yet.
Anyway, I'd like to hear your opinion of how severe this anxiety or shyness is for me, like 1-10 or something. How does it compare to you? Can you relate to any of these experiences?
The anxiety doesn't stop here. I feel it's very severe at times. Sometimes in class I'll be so critical about how others perceive me that I'll wonder if where I'm looking at is normal - like if I'm staring at a wall, the teacher, or down at my notebook. It's weird, I know. Anyone else experience this? I'd like to think I'm not that weird and that it's more common among those with social anxiety. Anyway, I've been able to control this better at times when I really force myself to not think negative thoughts that put me into that state of mind.
When I go to public places, especially college, I tend to start to feel depressed and anxious seeing other people with friends socializing while I go about my daily business alone. I have no friends, but I am making an effort to make some. I try to talk to people but I can't seem to truly express myself emotionally, verbally, non-verbally, to make a connection with anyone. Not knowing what to say to people makes it all the worse. Usually it takes great effort for me to come up with something to say and, when and if I do, it's just boring most of the time; like logic-based and not a funny story, joke, or something interesting. I don't know how to use humor anymore and I, myself, can't remember the last time I genuinely laughed with others.
I have no problem going to public places like the grocery store, mall, etc., even alone. That doesn't really make me anxious. It's only specifically when I have to interact with another person. So, if I'm ordering food at a restaurant, I can even get a feeling of fear as I'm talking to the cashier or waitress. The same overwhelming fear hits me where I work as well sometimes when a coworker or boss says something to me. I can tell others can see the fear or sense something is wrong with me by the way they look at me, even though I try to hide it. I think it really comes through my eyes.
I don't have physical panic attacks that cause me to have to remove myself from social situations. I don't get like sweaty palms or faint or anything. I just have negative emotions, like fear and nervousness, and a mind that seemingly can't come up with words to say and socialize naturally with people. The negative emotions appear more and intensify when I find myself not being the more social person I want to be. Also, I don't tend to avoid social situations just because I fear them, especially if it needs to be done. For example, I walked into a few businesses today and spoke to the managers about a job opening. I go to job interviews, class, public places by myself. I even have been smiling at random strangers as I pass by or just saying "Hi" just to try to get better.
What I believe has caused this anxiety is having no close relationships with anyone. I have no friends, I don't feel a connection with any of my family members, etc. It's bad. This is probably why I lost my sense of self and don't really seem to know how to express myself anymore. It's been so long since I've been connected with someone to do so. From this also comes a lack of practice. While most others talk for at least a couple hours a day with people, I talk probably, on most days, 20-30 minutes. And the major sticking point for me seems to be not knowing what to say to people. I think if I had the words to say I could put the emotion and expression of myself into it. I literally just can't seem to think of things to say in any social situation, but sometimes I do filter myself; I'll have something to say, but I'll choose not to, thinking it's too boring, short like a one-word comment, or doesn't add much to the conversation. I've wondered if I could be a lot more social just by thinking of nothing at all for a day - no thoughts about what others think of me, no thoughts of trying to come up with something to say - and seeing if my subconscious could come up with things and I wouldn't filter any of it. What would happen? Would an innate social ability, that isn't inhibited by all the thinking, come out of me? According to one article I read about shyness, this is the way to do it, but I haven't fully done this yet.
Anyway, I'd like to hear your opinion of how severe this anxiety or shyness is for me, like 1-10 or something. How does it compare to you? Can you relate to any of these experiences?
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