Whats is on her mind?

[shysimpleguy]

Hi,
I met this girl on a site and we got along nicely, she is very outgoing and has many friends and I am just the opposite and she knows that.

It has been a month since we are talking and she has been asking if we could chat on some chat app of FB but I dont use any..so today she asked if we could talk on phone..she is receiving some dirty messages from j erks on that site and that is pissing her off

she is mainly on that site coz of me and has told that she would delete but i just give her the assurance we would find some alternate way soon.

we talk daily on that site and share little things and exchange pics too....I also like that because i always wanted someone that i can share everything even little things..

I have told her that i like her and she told me that she is not looking for a relationship..she had a bf and she does not trust boys

But over these day i have been able to win her trust i guess and she shares her feelings with me..

My question is why did she ask my no....would a girl ask for that if she just means friendship...or can it transform into something special?

 

[Argentum]

Who can tell? Some people meet their friends online initially, especially now that it's popular. Either way, getting involved with someone who already doesn't want what you want is bad news. It's the perfect recipe for spending months with both people building up the wrong expectations, unless you're willing to take it as it is.

 

[shysimpleguy]

Who can tell? Some people meet their friends online initially, especially now that it's popular. Either way, getting involved with someone who already doesn't want what you want is bad news. It's the perfect recipe for spending months with both people building up the wrong expectations, unless you're willing to take it as it is.

Thanks for the reply!
Hmm that's what exactly my concern is..I already had an hurtful experience online where I I gave 2 years and at last that person just suddenly stopped talking.

I tend to get emotionally attached to people..I was just wondering if we talk over the phone would there be better chance of getting into a relationship because I want to be.more than friends with her.

 

[Sacrament]

Why not just ask her? Or you can just see where it goes without all the weight that usually lies behind expectations and enjoy it for what it is. Eventually, if you feel as though your feelings are genuine (as opposed to not wanting to be alone), you can let her know how you feel and ask her how she feels about that too.

 

[bsammy]

Thanks for the reply!
Hmm that's what exactly my concern is..I already had an hurtful experience online where I I gave 2 years and at last that person just suddenly stopped talking.

I tend to get emotionally attached to people..I was just wondering if we talk over the phone would there be better chance of getting into a relationship because I want to be.more than friends with her.

well she already told you upfront she doesnt want a relationship..this may or may not mean anything but i would assume that it does..if you get emotionally attached to people quick then id sit this one out and find another girl as she already said she doesnt want a relationship...if she doesnt want that though what does she want, just friendship?just to be friends online or what?just try to find that out..meeting people online can be very chancy and unpredictable..

 

[shysimpleguy]

Why not just ask her? Or you can just see where it goes without all the weight that usually lies behind expectations and enjoy it for what it is. Eventually, if you feel as though your feelings are genuine (as opposed to not wanting to be alone), you can let her know how you feel and ask her how she feels about that too.

Hmm actually you are right even I am not sure. I prefer to be alone but feel lonely. I just wanted someone that I could talk to when i feel lonely or alone...someone that could make feel special and wanted and that I could care for...But I am very caring. affectionate and passionate and I feel that I give more than I get

So she is someone that would share little things like when she leaves to office she would write a message and when she gets back will give me a message..and always talk when she gets time so i just feel wanted with her

But all this takes place on the site we have never talked on phone..should i give my no..i have never given it to someone online...I'm just too shy

 

[shysimpleguy]

well she already told you upfront she doesnt want a relationship..this may or may not mean anything but i would assume that it does..if you get emotionally attached to people quick then id sit this one out and find another girl as she already said she doesnt want a relationship...if she doesnt want that though what does she want, just friendship?just to be friends online or what?just try to find that out..meeting people online can be very chancy and unpredictable..

Hmm I am also not sure about a relation but I just want to be more than friends..I don't want just friend's tag because it has happened with me once where iI put in so much effort just to be a friend..I really need someone that I could be passionate and affectionate with ...

 

[Sacrament]

Hmm actually you are right even I am not sure. I prefer to be alone but feel lonely. I just wanted someone that I could talk to when i feel lonely or alone...someone that could make feel special and wanted and that I could care for...But I am very caring. affectionate and passionate and I feel that I give more than I get

So she is someone that would share little things like when she leaves to office she would write a message and when she gets back will give me a message..and always talk when she gets time so i just feel wanted with her

But all this takes place on the site we have never talked on phone..should i give my no..i have never given it to someone online...I'm just too shy

Well, the first thing you mentioned was wanting someone you could talk to when you felt lonely/alone, and someone you could care for. You can do all of those things as a friend, though. As for everything else, you need to give it time in order to be able to measure how your feelings for her (or telling her about them) would influence your current friendship, positively or negatively. For now, it's a matter of giving her your number or not. If you don't (knowing that she wants your number), you'll be raising a red flag that alerts her to the "fact" that you want to have nothing to do with her. Instead, and considering how it's what people do when they care about others and trust them, give her the number, ask for hers, then give it some time until you call her (or simply tell her "alright, keep in touch, will ya? Be free to give me a call whenever you feel like it"), and that's it, no expectations, just laying your cards on the table.

In the meantime, work on your confidence. What makes you feel so shy? Objectively, do you have reasons to be shy, or is it all in your mind? Do you think she'd rather see you (a man) as shy, or as strong, reliable and confident?

 

[shysimpleguy]

Well, the first thing you mentioned was wanting someone you could talk to when you felt lonely/alone, and someone you could care for. You can do all of those things as a friend, though. As for everything else, you need to give it time in order to be able to measure how your feelings for her (or telling her about them) would influence your current friendship, positively or negatively. For now, it's a matter of giving her your number or not. If you don't (knowing that she wants your number), you'll be raising a red flag that alerts her to the "fact" that you want to have nothing to do with her. Instead, and considering how it's what people do when they care about others and trust them, give her the number, ask for hers, then give it some time until you call her (or simply tell her "alright, keep in touch, will ya? Be free to give me a call whenever you feel like it", and that's it, no expectations, just laying your cards on the table.

In the meantime, work on your confidence. What makes you feel so shy? Objectively, do you have reasons to be shy, or is it all in your mind? Do you think she'd rather see you (a man) as shy, or as strong, reliable and confident?

Hmm thanks for the reply
Yes i have to at least make an effort just talking online would not get anywhere..

Hmm I am shy by nature..I am confident about my looks and girls also show interest but i Just shy away..

 

[Sacrament]

Then think of all the reasons why you're naturally shy as opposed to naturally confident, and shift those things in a way that they become reasons to be confident, instead of shy. Then make the best of your looks and the fact that girls show interest, and have some fun. Be more proactive and less emotional about it.

 

[Hellhound]

well she already told you upfront she doesnt want a relationship

Then make friends with her instead. I think she was as clear as water :thumbup:

 

[bsammy]

yeah and honestly you never want to appear to women that you have no friends and are the shy loner type...that will usually set things off on on a 'friend zone' type vibe..you never want a girl(and im not saying this is the case with your girl) to feel the least bit sorry for you in any way..u want her to look up to you if anything..you say you want more than a friendship but it doesnt seem she does...try to get her number, see what her response is, just go from there..again though i suggest finding another girl..

from here on out though, u might want to try to keep the fact that you have no social life or friends to a minimum...its not attractive to women you want to be more than friends with..

 

[Kiwong]

Synapses and neural pathways

 

[shysimpleguy]

Then think of all the reasons why you're naturally shy as opposed to naturally confident, and shift those things in a way that they become reasons to be confident, instead of shy. Then make the best of your looks and the fact that girls show interest, and have some fun. Be more proactive and less emotional about it.

Hmm when you are wired like that it is hard to change it, and I don't want to be outgoing..because it drains me...But you are right need to work in my social skills...I am way too sensitive and emotional and feel like I dont belong to this era however I am trying to concentrate on myself more and the things will follow I guess..

 

[shysimpleguy]

Then make friends with her instead. I think she was as clear as water :thumbup:

Hmm but the thing is that she always says she misses me when I don't reply so it kind of makes me think like that..

 

[shysimpleguy]

Synapses and neural pathways

Haha I wish I could understand that..way too complicated for me h:

 

[Aylaa]

yeah and honestly you never want to appear to women that you have no friends and are the shy loner type...that will usually set things off on on a 'friend zone' type vibe..you never want a girl(and im not saying this is the case with your girl) to feel the least bit sorry for you in any way..u want her to look up to you if anything..you say you want more than a friendship but it doesnt seem she does...try to get her number, see what her response is, just go from there..again though i suggest finding another girl..

from here on out though, u might want to try to keep the fact that you have no social life or friends to a minimum...its not attractive to women you want to be more than friends with..

You also don't want to pretend you're something your not. If OP doesn't have much of a social life, she's gonna find out eventually. Women also appreciate honesty. If you need to pretend to be someone else to convince someone, they're probably not the right person for you. Plus it could give false expectations.

and I don't want to be outgoing..because it drains me...

 

[shysimpleguy]

You also don't want to pretend you're something your not. If OP doesn't have much of a social life, she's gonna find out eventually. Women also appreciate honesty. If you need to pretend to be someone else to convince someone, they're probably not the right person for you. Plus it could give false expectations.

Hmm...yup I had told her I am not that social and very shy...but she is just opposite..not sure if it would work out..

 

[Hellhound]

Hmm but the thing is that she always says she misses me when I don't reply so it kind of makes me think like that..

You can miss your friends when they're away. She's probably too fond of you.

I do miss my friends when I don't see them for a bit, but I don't want to date them all :bigsmile:

 

[bsammy]

You also don't want to pretend you're something your not. If OP doesn't have much of a social life, she's gonna find out eventually. Women also appreciate honesty. If you need to pretend to be someone else to convince someone, they're probably not the right person for you. Plus it could give false expectations.

true but its just like online dating sites..you have to sell yourself in a way, people take the truth and stretch it to appear attractive to others..you cant just outright tell people you are boring and shy and simply just sit around the house watching nascar all day..sure, they might find that out eventually but you have to have a road in and appear to be likeable and attractive at the start..telling women or girls right off the bat that you are shy and have no friends will automatically get them to thinking 'aww' and possibly feeling sorry for you..thats not where you want to start out from if you are a guy and want to have a possible relationship with this girl..

just think of how many people start out relationships pretending to be someone they are not..sure, it may be fake but it gets them in the door