Whats is on her mind?

[bsammy]

Hmm...yup I had told her I am not that social and very shy...but she is just opposite..not sure if it would work out..

well what do you like to do in your spare time?are there any social things you enjoy doing?what does she like to do?is there any common ground at all?you being very introverted and shy and her being the opposite, yeah thats not a great thing...

 

[Sacrament]

Hmm...yup I had told her I am not that social and very shy...but she is just opposite..not sure if it would work out..

If there were true feelings about each other, I'm sure you'd find a way to be more social (in a balanced way, not too social but not too much of a shut-in either) and she'd be more willing to do the things you like as well, like watching a movie at home, for instance, or having a meal at home, etc. Being extroverted doesn't necessarily mean you're constantly out on the town having fun, it just means you're confident enough to enjoy being around other people and preferring that over staying home, same way being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you have to be constantly stuck at home unwilling to have any sort of social interactions.

A lot of girls (even the more outgoing ones) do like a guy who's different from them in that aspect. Obviously this doesn't mean they often go for the shy, insecure and not confident type of guy (let's face it, being confident and master of your domain is attractive), but if you can work on those qualities, and tone down the emotional/sensitive to a point where it barely affects the equation, she'll be into that. She does tell you she misses you as it is, so just imagine how she'd feel if you mastered those qualities!

 

[shysimpleguy]

You can miss your friends when they're away. She's probably too fond of you.

I do miss my friends when I don't see them for a bit, but I don't want to date them all :bigsmile:

Hmm Iam so stupid :sad:

 

[shysimpleguy]

true but its just like online dating sites..you have to sell yourself in a way, people take the truth and stretch it to appear attractive to others..you cant just outright tell people you are boring and shy and simply just sit around the house watching nascar all day..sure, they might find that out eventually but you have to have a road in and appear to be likeable and attractive at the start..telling women or girls right off the bat that you are shy and have no friends will automatically get them to thinking 'aww' and possibly feeling sorry for you..thats not where you want to start out from if you are a guy and want to have a possible relationship with this girl..

just think of how many people start out relationships pretending to be someone they are not..sure, it may be fake but it gets them in the door

Hmm I am not on any such sites so I dont have any experience on that but it may work for a while but I guess not for a long run and you know that shy people put in a lot of effort, emotions on relationships and value them so it really hurts if it does not come off after giving that much.

 

[shysimpleguy]

well what do you like to do in your spare time?are there any social things you enjoy doing?what does she like to do?is there any common ground at all?you being very introverted and shy and her being the opposite, yeah that's not a great thing...

hmm well we have talked about that..she likes going out and all and it is not gonna happen with me as we are just too far away..I guess better not get too serious about is as i dont think it is gonna work out.distance does matter, not for me but for others :kickingmyself:

 

[shysimpleguy]

If there were true feelings about each other, I'm sure you'd find a way to be more social (in a balanced way, not too social but not too much of a shut-in either) and she'd be more willing to do the things you like as well, like watching a movie at home, for instance, or having a meal at home, etc. Being extroverted doesn't necessarily mean you're constantly out on the town having fun, it just means you're confident enough to enjoy being around other people and preferring that over staying home, same way being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you have to be constantly stuck at home unwilling to have any sort of social interactions.

A lot of girls (even the more outgoing ones) do like a guy who's different from them in that aspect. Obviously this doesn't mean they often go for the shy, insecure and not confident type of guy (let's face it, being confident and master of your domain is attractive), but if you can work on those qualities, and tone down the emotional/sensitive to a point where it barely affects the equation, she'll be into that. She does tell you she misses you as it is, so just imagine how she'd feel if you mastered those qualities!

Thanks for your positive comments!
I think I just want to feel wanted and special and not everyone can do that..only rarely someone can do that and I just put in a lot of effort to make that special feel special and happy..I am just disappointed..People does not seem to care...I guess I just have to get used to this loneliness and just be happy with myself.

 

[bsammy]

Thanks for your positive comments!
I think I just want to feel wanted and special and not everyone can do that..only rarely someone can do that and I just put in a lot of effort to make that special feel special and happy..I am just disappointed..People does not seem to care...I guess I just have to get used to this loneliness and just be happy with myself.

i understand the distance problem but what are your hobbies?i assume you like reading or watching movies by yourself correct?i have a similar problem all my hobbies are mostly solitary so that always poses problems..

i dont think you have to get used to loneliness, shy guys find women but they usually do it through school or work..its much more of a gradual process with shy guys and its the women that tend to break down the barrier with a shy guy..the dating game is by no means easy or fun imo...

 

[Sacrament]

Thanks for your positive comments!
I think I just want to feel wanted and special and not everyone can do that..only rarely someone can do that and I just put in a lot of effort to make that special feel special and happy..I am just disappointed..People does not seem to care...I guess I just have to get used to this loneliness and just be happy with myself.

You should make it a priority to learn how to be alone without necessarily feeling lonely, by which I mean building the ability to, for instance, watch a movie or do something you truly enjoy without having your mind affecting your emotions negatively with such thoughts as "you can only truly enjoy this if you have someone to share it with", etc. While it is true that human beings are social creatures, it's also important to be able to value and cherish your alone time. The more you're able to do this, the more pleasant it is to share it with someone else, because you won't be as terrified of those things losing all their magic if you lose that person in any way.

Bottomline is this: confidence, self-acceptance, commitment to the things you enjoy, commitment to yourself, and being fully present in all the little things you do by means of following your values and needs.

 

[shysimpleguy]

i understand the distance problem but what are your hobbies?i assume you like reading or watching movies by yourself correct?i have a similar problem all my hobbies are mostly solitary so that always poses problems..

i dont think you have to get used to loneliness, shy guys find women but they usually do it through school or work..its much more of a gradual process with shy guys and its the women that tend to break down the barrier with a shy guy..the dating game is by no means easy or fun imo...

Hmm I actually need to make more friends rather than just revolving around just one person..I just can't manage too many people because I feel I can't give time to everyone if.that's the case..may be.people take me for granted so I just have to concentrate on my priorities now and let people know I also have a life and yup being more social is one of the things I need to work on

 

[shysimpleguy]

You should make it a priority to learn how to be alone without necessarily feeling lonely, by which I mean building the ability to, for instance, watch a movie or do something you truly enjoy without having your mind affecting your emotions negatively with such thoughts as "you can only truly enjoy this if you have someone to share it with", etc. While it is true that human beings are social creatures, it's also important to be able to value and cherish your alone time. The more you're able to do this, the more pleasant it is to share it with someone else, because you won't be as terrified of those things losing all their magic if you lose that person in any way.

Bottomline is this: confidence, self-acceptance, commitment to the things you enjoy, commitment to yourself, and being fully present in all the little things you do by means of following your values and needs.

Yup I prefer to be alone but it makes me feel lonely and I just wish there is someone to share my thoughts..you are correct I need to learn to be comfortable alone with my thoughts..I'm okay with being alone if I'm busy or doing something interesting. .so keeping myself busy is the key I guess so that these unwanted thoughts don't creep in.