Am I a Bad Person??

[PrincessKitty]

This guy was flirting with me and wanted to be my gf and I thought yay!

Then after a few weeks later, my best friend put a status that she has a new guy in her life. So like a friend does I message her "ooo who's the lucky guy!"

Then I found out that the same guy was flirting with her and her wanted my friend as a gf. So i told her what happened.

She didn't speak to me after that.

So am I a bad person???

(sorry if its all drama... and love and guy problems)

 

[DepravedFurball]

Uh....

I'm flabberghasted as to why your friend would come to hate you instead of this two-timing guy that was flirting with both of you at the same time.

Naturally, as a fellow male, I can understand the reasoning behind diversification, and having something of a 'back-up plan'... but I'd ask Girl A out first, wait a few weeks for an answer, then ask Girl B if it didn't pan out.

But for your friend to stop talking to you because of some slooty guy... Gods, my heart goes out to you. I can't even begin to imagine how confused, angry, and hurt you must feel.

From my perspective, I'd say there's three routes you can go... two of them involve confrontation, though, in being that you directly ask Mr McSlootypants what in the Hell he was thinking in asking both of you out at the same time, or getting your friend alone to tell her that you're sorry about what's happening, and hear her thoughts on this afforementioned boy.

The third option is to give up on the two-timer immediately, and tell your friend that, if she wants a boy like that, then you're not about to ruin your friendship over something so trivial. Hopefully she's smart enough to realize that a guy who does this kinda thing isn't worth either of your times, and you can both laugh about the stupidity of male hormones.

 

[anomicdeer]

No you aren't. If that is what really happened then that is her fault for acting that way. Try not to worry about it. Do you know how she really feels? Is she upset at you or just the situation?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

No, you aren't a bad person for that. You didn't know and he wasn't even in a relationship with her at the time. If your friend did get angry, she did so for the wrong reason. Instead of pointing the blame at him, she aimed it at you. It's a psychological thing; it happens a lot, so don't blame yourself. They feel as if you're the threat to their happiness instead of the person who instigated the flirting.

If you still want to be friends with her, then try talking to her again. But, if she won't answer, then you may just have to give up.

 

[Zaki]

You weren't in the wrong. If you explained the situation to your friend the same way you explained it here, I don't understand why she would stop speaking to you as a result. However if I was her, that guy's behavior would certainly raise my eyebrows. Sounds like he might be a bit too generous with his flirtation. She oughta keep her eye on that one.

 

[jaim38]

You're not in the wrong. And you got lucky - I wouldn't date a two-timing guy like him. I feel sorry for your friend. You should probably tell her what happened.

 

[Kiwong]

You're not a bad person.

 

[PrincessKitty]

Uh....

I'm flabberghasted as to why your friend would come to hate you instead of this two-timing guy that was flirting with both of you at the same time.

Naturally, as a fellow male, I can understand the reasoning behind diversification, and having something of a 'back-up plan'... but I'd ask Girl A out first, wait a few weeks for an answer, then ask Girl B if it didn't pan out.

But for your friend to stop talking to you because of some slooty guy... Gods, my heart goes out to you. I can't even begin to imagine how confused, angry, and hurt you must feel.

From my perspective, I'd say there's three routes you can go... two of them involve confrontation, though, in being that you directly ask Mr McSlootypants what in the Hell he was thinking in asking both of you out at the same time, or getting your friend alone to tell her that you're sorry about what's happening, and hear her thoughts on this afforementioned boy.

The third option is to give up on the two-timer immediately, and tell your friend that, if she wants a boy like that, then you're not about to ruin your friendship over something so trivial. Hopefully she's smart enough to realize that a guy who does this kinda thing isn't worth either of your times, and you can both laugh about the stupidity of male hormones.

Well i did tell her what happened.. and she was okay with me.. now were talking again so thanks for the advice!

Oh I am hurt for what he had done.. I mean really... how rude!

 

[PrincessKitty]

thanks everyone. like i said i did tell her and now where talking. I guess I just felt bad because he flirted with both of us and I didn't want to go out with him because of that really.
Another reason is... I told another friend what happened and she thought it was okay flirting with both of us.. only until i go with the guy. So I thought "so am I a bad person"
Because flirting IS only harmless... But is it only to an extent??
So in that case.. Am I bad for telling my friend what had happened??

Thats another reason why anyway XD

 

[Odo]

Are you sure he actually wanted you as a girlfriend? People flirt with each other all the time... and I can't see anything wrong with expressing interested in more than one person if you're not in any kind of committed relationship. Did he actually tell you that he wanted to be in a relationship with you or make a move or something, or was he just being nice to you and you took it to mean something more?

It sounds like you're both being territorial and while I don't know the guy myself if he didn't actually follow through with anything then I don't think he's a player or a cheater or anything... it's only cheating if you're actually in a relationship.

I guess he could have been doing it for his own ego or something, but I can't say for sure without hearing his side of it.

Regardless, it's understandable that you reacted the way you did and I don't think it makes you a bad person if you make a mistake... everyone in this equation is a human being and even though I'm not sure exactly what happened I don't think it's anything unforgivable for anyone involved.

 

[PrincessKitty]

Are you sure he actually wanted you as a girlfriend? People flirt with each other all the time... and I can't see anything wrong with expressing interested in more than one person if you're not in any kind of committed relationship. Did he actually tell you that he wanted to be in a relationship with you or make a move or something, or was he just being nice to you and you took it to mean something more?

It sounds like you're both being territorial and while I don't know the guy myself if he didn't actually follow through with anything then I don't think he's a player or a cheater or anything... it's only cheating if you're actually in a relationship.

I guess he could have been doing it for his own ego or something, but I can't say for sure without hearing his side of it.

Regardless, it's understandable that you reacted the way you did and I don't think it makes you a bad person if you make a mistake... everyone in this equation is a human being and even though I'm not sure exactly what happened I don't think it's anything unforgivable for anyone involved.

well we were nearly going out have to admit.. and so was my friend (so official)

Also I guess i am territorial because i got hurt before.. and i don't want it to happen again really

 

[DepravedFurball]

Flirting in and of itself is a way to test the waters, so to speak. And guys will never flirt with without the intention of maybe taking it further.

I'm guessing that he was using the same tricks and comments on the both of you, and merely got more-favourable reaction from your friend than yourself. I actually feel bad for both you and that other young woman, really... 'cause all it'll take is one little harpy coming along, showering him with praise before he splits or cheats.

Shame that you had to get hurt, though... and it's gonna be made worse when those two actually do break up. How are you supposed to console your friend over a boy that tried to play you both? All you'll be thinking is 'glad it wasn't me' or 'I knew he was no good right from the beginning... but you didn't clue in at all'... yet you'll be rubbing her back and telling her that she's strong, beautiful, intelligent, and that she'll (hopefully) do better next time...

 

[Odo]

well we were nearly going out have to admit.. and so was my friend (so official)

Also I guess i am territorial because i got hurt before.. and i don't want it to happen again really

Dating is often a painful humiliating experience, and rejection feels horrible and leaves you asking yourself why you weren't good enough. That's just how it is.

Just forget about it and find someone else (or don't)... it's all you can really do.

 

[DepravedFurball]

Just forget about it and find someone else (or don't)... it's all you can really do.

Made a little more difficult by the fact that this boy is dating her friend, though. :sad:

 

[PrincessKitty]

well my friend is not dating the guy now.. she told me. and she also said that she values my friendship over him. which im truly grateful of.

yeahh it is painful because i got cheated on three times in a row (different guys) like I went of with a guy.. he cheated on my so I dumped him. next one did the same thing. next one did the same thing.

so i really don't want to get hurt again.

but your right dating and being in a relationship is especially when you don't trust the person.

 

[Odo]

yeahh it is painful because i got cheated on three times in a row (different guys) like I went of with a guy.. he cheated on my so I dumped him. next one did the same thing. next one did the same thing.

Yikes... that sounds awful. You might need to change the type of guy that you go for!

 

[PrincessKitty]

i do.. and its hard.. so i have been single for three years because of that reason. so i really don't want to get hurt again