How quickly do you offer sympathy

[KiaKaha]

Are you one to offer sympathy to others quite quickly - or are you reluctant to give it....?

What are the reasons behind your decision?

Does it depend on the kind of issue one is facing, or do people just need to move on and find the strength within themselves?

When do you give sympathy? When do you not?

Thoughts?

 

[twiggle]

I prefer to give empathy rather than sympathy... I think that sympathy can be misinterpreted by the recipient, sometimes it can seem patronising or make them feel foolish.

As for when I give it... I guess it varies depending on who/what's happened.

Not a very helpful answer I guess lol.

 

[Hellhound]

Depends on the kind of issue.

If the other person is truly feeling bad, I try to help them. But if they are only causing drama to get a reaction out of me, I get ticked off and I'm not so nice. I've had that happening in the past, people wanting my attention to the point of faking suicide attempts just to make me freak out. Never again.

I must add, and sorry if it goes off topic: The people I've dumped over that issue I mentioned hated me afterwards for being a bad friend. I always end up being the traitor for not wanting to put up with others BS.

Anyway... Sorry for ranting.

 

[Hellhound]

I prefer to give empathy rather than sympathy

Exactly

 

[Amitush123]

Daria pretty much nailed it

 

[KiaKaha]

I prefer to give empathy rather than sympathy... I think that sympathy can be misinterpreted by the recipient, sometimes it can seem patronising or make them feel foolish.

As for when I give it... I guess it varies depending on who/what's happened.

Not a very helpful answer I guess lol.

Empathy is always better but sometimes you can only sympathize because not all of us can truly understand what it feels like when someone else is suffering. Sympathy has the same intent - a kind of removed empathy.

I just wonder - why some people will resist with all their might to even consider offering sympathy to someone who may require it.

 

[Starry]

I think I offer sympathy very quickly... Although, unless I know a person well, I'm often held back from offering it due to the Social Phobia... I always end up feeling like it sounds fake and even though it's not, it puts me off...

I am very empathetic however, so I usually understand well how others are feeling.

 

[Srijita52]

I think I offer sympathy very quickly... Although, unless I know a person well, I'm often held back from offering it due to the Social Phobia... I always end up feeling like it sounds fake and even though it's not, it puts me off...

Same with me.

 

[BlueDays]

I just wonder - why some people will resist with all their might to even consider offering sympathy to someone who may require it.

I have often wondered this too.
Do they have a cold heartless personality?
Or are they unable to cope with having to deal with another person's neediness?
Or do they need to look down upon others, instead of being sympathetic, to make themsleves feel "better" then others?

I think the ability to feel and express sympathy has a lot to do with a person's upbringing, and what their parents taught them about it too.

 

[KiaKaha]

I have often wondered this too.
Do they have a cold heartless personality?
Or are they unable to cope with having to deal with another person's neediness?
Or do they need to look down upon others, instead of being sympathetic, to make themsleves feel "better" then others?

I think the ability to feel and express sympathy has a lot to do with a person's upbringing, and what their parents taught them about it too.

I sometimes think - that it is rooted with resentment. If you cant help yourself - you dont deserve sympathy. You simply are not trying hard enough.

 

[laure15]

I don't sympathize; I empathize. Cuddling, bear-hugging, kissing, and comforting another person is way too 'awkward' and 'girly' for me. I used to do it as a kid, and I used to be surrounded by many friends. But as I grew older, I didn't have a lot of friends around me so I guess this habit died out as well. Also, when I was younger, I lived in a more loving environment; my maternal relatives, who lived near us, were very intimate with us. Hugging, kissing - all those things were common. But after I moved to a new place, I didn't get that kind of warmth anymore. My dad's relatives were colder and meaner.

 

[Chess]

I take good care of my friends and I try to take good care of my family, but otherwise I'm generally reluctant to offer help for a few reasons.

1) Most people want fluffy platitudes, which I'm happy to let others give because talking out my ass about something that I know has more holes in the logic than swiss cheese isn't my strong suit.
2) I don't have any valuable experience or insight into the area.
3) The person is setting off my "I want to use you as an emotional punching bag" detector or my BS detector.

 

[kilojoule]

Not really


I can offer a sympathetic ear.


but I generally don't give people lashings of sympathy.

In my opinion, it's counter productive and serves no purpose. Equally I do not want it from others.


One of my best friends was recently bereaved. She rings me to bitch about the sympathy, I have to agree with her. It makes **** awkward. These tense conversations with people tilting their head , talking to you like you're a little lost puppy. How are you? If I can help....bla bla bla and they're like vultures waiting for you to say something sad to feed their unhealthy appetite for the tragic. They just remind you of your loss. And the tut tut and 'isn't it awful' It's a lot of shyte talking. They just reinforce the misery but actually, you need a break between the misery.

If people really gave a ****, they wouldn't offer sympathy they'd assess the need a bit better, figure out a way to be supportive. Maybe stop in a couple months down the road when the phones stopped ringing and world is silent and offer some support. When everyone else has forgotten, they actually still care. That would help.

support is helpful, sympathy is not.

Sympathy is basically pity, and issues a license to the receiver to feel pity.

We're all quite capable of wallowing in our self pity without other people enabling us to do so.

However we're not all able to get back up on our own feet after a blow, a bit of help doing that would be far more helpful.

 

[Entangled]

There is no mercy in this dojo!!!