Why are people so cold and do hard to make friends with

[BC-chick]

I am not too friendly or not friendly at all.. I am really nice and stuff and I try to make friends by it never works out.how do I make friends? Usually you don't consider someone a friend unless you know them for a long while ..I wish I had 1-2 friends that liked to go out and do stuff friends do. I feel so alone and no offense but most women are bittchess and selfish . I just don't understand some people. For example, I met this girl from this site and we have the same problems and life style and we talk a lot a few times everyday but when ever I ask her to go do something together or even invite her over she's only intend me over once. I know it's hard with her agoraphobia (i have SA not agoraphobia) but she says she wants to get better. Then I talk to this other girl on this other group thingy online in my local area and she says she's too scared to meet one on one..when it would be easier for me to meet just her first rather then the whole entire group consisting of like 20 people. ...I thought people with SA don't like large groups so y would she say she doesn't wanna meet up one on one.. It would be in a coffee shop .. I just don't understand bcuz if someone with SA found it easier to meet one on one I would jump at the chance to make a friend that easy.. I dont know.. It's so hard to make friends and I don't know how

 

[hidwell]

. Then I talk to this other girl on this other group thingy online in my local area and she says she's too scared to meet one on one..when it would be easier for me to meet just her first rather then the whole entire group consisting of like 20 people. ...I thought people with SA don't like large groups so y would she say she doesn't wanna meet up one on one.. It would be in a coffee shop .. I just don't understand bcuz if someone with SA found it easier to meet one on one I would jump at the chance to make a friend that easy.. I dont know.. It's so hard to make friends and I don't know how

Thats life, no one said it would be easy or even enjoyable.

 

[Sephiroth]

I hate group therapy it makes me really anxious,so it doesnt help at all,if that girl says she prefer to meet with groups,it could be that she is used to that group or for some reason she feels okay and safe surrounded by a lot of people like she wouldn't be noticed(if she for example feels nervous) like that or something else,keep trying and good luck finding one.

 

[sullyS25]

One would think you would be understanding of someone that is afraid to meet up with another person from the internet. You expect others to understand that you are scared of meeting new people when you yourself dont understand this other girl. You also contradict yourself by saying "Im not to friendly or not friendly at all...." then you immediately say "I am really nice and stuff...". I am confused which is it?

 

[Aletheia]

Social Anxiety affects different people in different ways.

If you want to form a friendship, you'll need to find a way to do it that works for you both.

 

[recluse]

I think i come across as cold which has ruined potential of friendships. I actually sometimes make myself appear cold and aloof because deep down i fear intimacy. I guess my low self esteem makes me shy away from having friends.

 

[theslowesthand]

I guess many or most people are simply afraid of getting hurt?? (rejected & so on). If so, then that's a problem we ALL share!

 

[Kinetik]

Try to befriend people who are further along than you are. You want to get caught up in their slipstream and improve yourself. It's not fair on you if you're being held back by people who can't leave the house. No offense to them, but they need professional help which is not your responsibility. It sounds like you may be selling yourself short, in a way, as you seem really quite capable when it comes to the outside world (having read some of your posts). So look for people who work, or have friends, or at least know how to have a good time.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I don't like meeting up with people or getting into friendships either. It's a part of the disorder and I would think you, being someone with SA, would understand that, at least to some degree. Getting better is very difficult and for some it is easier than it is for others. I'm sure it's nothing personal and they don't sound like they are being selfish or bitchy, as you described. Like Kinetik said, perhaps you should try making friends with people who are capable of that level of social contact.

 

[The Observer]

Sometimes friendships take time to develop. Bonding needs to take place over a period of time so people can see if they are compatible with one another. Just because you both might have SA you could be totally different from one another. Over this time trust has to be earned and sustained consistently throught the initial stages of a new friendship. So this might take longer or why people with SA seem to be more reluctant to form new friendships with you.