I've lost the will to go on

[dangerbang]

hi all. I'm new to here. I'm not sure I should be posting here either but maybe I should be because I don't feel like I'm part of what's considered normal life.
Basically I've no interest in anything anymore, except drinking and taking drugs. I'm just on the tailend of a 5 or 6 day bender right now, feeling f**king awful, and not seeing any light in my life. I'm going to try and get off the booze as of today for a while at least.
I moved country about 6 months ago for a girl I was crazy about, and about 6 weeks after moving here she dumped me. She basically said I wasn't good enough. It has totally destroyed any ounce of self-esteem I've ever had. I have good friends and people generally like me and I'm talkative and good fun but since she did this to me I'm just dead on the inside. I go to the gym, which does sort me out during the week and makes me feel better, but as soon as the weekend comes I find it very difficult to not go to the bar and get wasted.
I mean what else am I supposed to do? I've no real interests in anything anymore. I used to get off on travelling etc, but at this stage I've lived all over the world and seen everything I ever really wanted to see, so I just don't see the point in anything anymore. I really mean it when I say I have no interests - nothing entertains me anymore.
I don't think I'll ever meet another woman while I'm in this frame of mind either, this depresses me too, so it's like a viscious circle.
I'm 31 and I live in London. I just needed to get this off my chest. It's a medical miracle I made it to work today after the debauchery of the last few days. Help.

 

[emre43]

You sound as if you are infatuated with her. It also seems that she was the one who was in the wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. There are others out there and you will find somebody who will love you for who you are.

 

[dangerbang]

You sound as if you are infatuated with her. It also seems that she was the one who was in the wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. There are others out there and you will find somebody who will love you for who you are.

I probably was at one stage. But I haven't contacted her or made a fool of myself. She has texted me a few times but none of them were anything beyond hope you are well etc. So I never replied.
Beyond that, if women are the only thing that give my life meaning, what the hell am I supposed to do when I'm single? What if I never meet anyone again? I'm sick of people saying I'll find someone - many people don't, I had uncles etc who died alone. This is all so depressing. I would go to a doctor but I don't want medication for this, depression drugs sound terrible with the side effects etc. Thanks for the response mate.

 

[emre43]

I probably was at one stage. But I haven't contacted her or made a fool of myself. She has texted me a few times but none of them were anything beyond hope you are well etc. So I never replied.
Beyond that, if women are the only thing that give my life meaning, what the hell am I supposed to do when I'm single? What if I never meet anyone again? I'm sick of people saying I'll find someone - many people don't, I had uncles etc who died alone. This is all so depressing. I would go to a doctor but I don't want medication for this, depression drugs sound terrible with the side effects etc. Thanks for the response mate.

Believe me, I am 22 and have never had a girlfriend. But I haven't given up. My self-esteem is lower than anybodies. I was bullied throughout my school life by both girls and boys and never felt comfortable speaking to girls; I also suffered from social anxiety and so wouldn't stand up for myself. But I fully believe that is a kind, caring person out there for me who will be able to understand and we will live a blissful life together. I will continue to believe that for no matter how long it takes.

I have tried drugs but I didn't feel any effect from them.

 

[dangerbang]

Believe me, I am 22 and have never had a girlfriend. But I haven't given up. My self-esteem is lower than anybodies. I was bullied throughout my school life by both girls and boys and never felt comfortable speaking to girls; I also suffered from social anxiety and so wouldn't stand up for myself. But I fully believe that is a kind, caring person out there for me who will be able to understand and we will live a blissful life together. I will continue to believe that for no matter how long it takes. I have tried drugs but I didn't feel any effect from them.

Stay away from drugs, don't solve anything, just like booze. Don't put too much faith in relationships solving all your problems either, they don't! That's what I'm trying to figure out now.

 

[emre43]

Stay away from drugs, don't solve anything, just like booze. Don't put too much faith in relationships solving all your problems either, they don't! That's what I'm trying to figure out now.

A relationship may not solve anything for me but whilst I have that dream that is what is keeping me going. When all else is lost there is always hope.

 

[Section_31]

A relationship can give one the strength to draw on to get through some problems one normally could not on ones own.

I consider myself extremely lucky that i even managed to find a girl, let alone get married. If i had to do it all over again i dont think i could if my life depended on it.

Danger, what that chick said to you was totally uncalled for, and honestly man, you dont need a woman with an attitude like that. She wouldnt have made you happy long term. Usually the ones who say someone else isnt good enough for them are in need of a big reality check. Later she'll have a guy do the same thing to her. Karma goes around.

Dont give up friend.

 

[Feathers]

Hey Danger! You're relatively young, you're in London, Woo!!

You still go to work (Which is more than many people here!!) and you've had a girl who loved you (which is again, more than many people here have experienced so far)

Drinking and drugs - now that is a REAL problem!! Can you get a support group or a program to overcome this?
I've dated a guy who was into alcohol and drugs and believe me it was difficult!!
I wouldn't be surprised if a girl would dump you BECAUSE of alcohol and drugs!! (Not sure if this was a problem before too, or not?)

It was also difficult breaking up with him, but in the long run I think it was for the better, he managed to get his act together etc. He didn't realize drugs and alcohol were a problem before... It took something drastic to get him to realize things...

Drugs and alcohol can cause depression or bipolar or make it worse...

This is a difficult time for many single people. Also remember, it's a process... You don't overcome a breakup or loss of loved one over night, it takes a while... So don't expect of yourself to be 'cheerful'... Just 'survive' this difficult time, it usually gets easier after the holidays...

Long distance relationships can be difficult... And when you meet the person in RL and live with them, it can turn out to be different than expected... Did she use those exact words, 'not good enough for her'? People are different and expect different things... There can also be 'culture shock'/differences or such... She probably just meant she felt you weren't compatible and she imagined to be with someone different... Maybe you can find someone even more awesome and more compatible with you, who knows??

Writing BAD country songs has helped me after breakups before... Some people re-painted their room, changed wardrobe, took up martial arts...?? Is there anything you wanted to do before, but felt you couldn't? (maybe she didn't like it?) As long as it's still healthy for you...
There are some 'after breakup' threads on this forum, and even forums/websites/books dedicated to this...

If you hate London, and don't have proper support there, maybe go somewhere where you could get proper support... (?) There are probably AA groups & for recovery from drugs in London too...

If you want to give yourself a chance of another, healthier relationship (with either this girl or someone else) it's important to take care of your health!!

Some very cool people on this forum are single or dating, there's this myth that you have to be with someone to be allright, it's just a myth though.. Some very awesome people who made wonderful things happen have been single, some of them felt depression too... (and still managed to make great things happen)