Hello there! I'm also new here.
Just wondering, have you ever tried to get some help?
Hello Zenith
welcome to the site.
Have you talked with a doctor or therapist about your thoughts?
I've been thinking about doing it. While I lived with my family I couldn't, for several reasons (like they taking my words superficially and looking at me with an attitude like "you're stupid!"; my parents' money are also reduced, so it would have also been a burden to them). Now that I started to live alone, far away from them, and got a job, I can think more seriously about me and be more focused on myself. I only need to wait to receive the salary, because I'm not having money right now.
I am also thinking from time to time that perhaps it's not a big/real problem, or that it will fade away with time. But yeah, perhaps it is a good idea to visit a psychologist (hopefully they're also trying to help, not only enjoy having long discussions in which things are postponed for the next time - as I currently suspect).
I'm not sure, but you sound more anti-social than misanthropic. I don't know what the exact difference is though.
Well, there's one way to better understand what misanthropy is:
reading from wikipedia.
Also take a look
here.
As I see, the anti-social thing is, unlike misanthropy, a
behavior.
I am quite a nice person (as I see that others see me), and I do struggle to be a good person. The fact that I hate and despise humanity or that I'd like people to die does not mean that I'm a bastard that enjoys provoking suffering to the nice/good intended weak people.
I'll explain more my thoughts and feelings regarding this somewhere below (where I reply to Flowers-Of-Bloom)
I used to self harm too, but have since stopped and been free from it for a couple of years. The urges used to come in strongly, but I found the more I ignored it the easier it become to resist and the less frequently I felt the need to cut. Sometimes I still get urges when I'm in tough situations or my anxiety/stress is really strong, but it's gone for the most part.
My situation is similar to yours. But it's hard to forget the pleasant feelings/sensations you have when you're cutting yourself and you see yourself bleeding. I miss that, but I'm struggling not to do it because it is important that others would not see it, and it inevitably gets seen after awhile. Anyway, as about the tough situations, I also used (or still use, don't know for sure anymore) to think seriously about committing suicide during those periods of time/moments. I don't know, I think it's as if once you decide to do it, the thoughts of doing it will never leave you - they will come when you're getting into unpleasant situations, as a kind of "better/quicker/safer way" to get out of the situation.
Using a replacement technique for self-harm can help too (I once tried putting a rubber band around my wrist and flicking it against myself whenever I felt the need to cut).
As a replacement technique for self-harm I 'use' my right thumb on my left hand (as if I'm cutting my hand/veins with it).
Did you think you could tell us why you hate people so much? I know people can be horrible sometimes, (like bullying, or murder) but what are your specific reasons for being a misanthorpist?
Well, from what I can tell, misanthropy is not a philosophy. It's just the way you feel and see things, caused by things you've experienced rather than what you'd like to believe (what theory you want to embrace). As about me, it seems it's the result of lots of not 'nice' people who were hating me for no reason, despised me for no good reason, harmed me in various ways, people I truly trusted that turned against me, people I put my trust in that couldn't care less about me, people I needed that turned their back on me when I needed them, the pentecostal indoctrination I had been indoctrinated in - still people here, that I trusted and that had had an effect upon me - and that caused me a lot of suffering (which also made me see clearly that it's wrong), having lots of rules forced upon me (mostly by me father; things which, if I did not keep, I would have not been left unpunished), lots of screams, lots of people with uncontrolled rage seen manifesting themselves around, etc.
By the way, and the person that I wanted to kill, but couldn't because was unreachable... was a girl I had been in love with. Once when I told her (on email) that I had been trying to commit suicide because of her, she replied back "you should have committed suicide, because you make a shadow on the earth uselessly anyway!" (she was angered). More than a year I was decided to kill her the first time I meet her for that (and it was not the only thing or word by which she harmed me). Now that I told you this, perhaps I look less psychopathic : )).
I'll tell what I hate of humanity (perhaps you're curios to know)...
I think I hate the evil which everybody does. And most to all people are hypocritical enough to declare and even be convinced that they do "good" and that they are "good", as if they make perfect examples to the society. But I've seen enough, and I've experienced enough to know that people don't give a f*ck about other people (or if they care, it only remains to the level of giving some crumbs to somebody and then bragging everywhere of the great thing they did, thinking they're very altruistic and very good people for that). And even people that do struggle to do good can only do good in some particular situations, but too often it happens that they do evil, thinking that that was the right thing to do, or because of carelessness, etc.
Two examples of things I have seen and feel great distaste when I remember them:
- I was once in a shop, gathering potatoes. The place was tight, and a young woman asked me nicely to leave them pass through (it was herself and a little girl on a tricycle). I said ok, and got up so that they would pass. The little girl (about 3 or 4 years old) was passing slowly on the tricycle (obviously), and seeing that, the young woman started to scream from the deep of her lungs to the child to pass more quickly (with a strong attitude of intolerance/despise/hatred towards her, "CAN'T YOU SEE THIS MAN IS WAITING FOR US TO PASS!!!??"), and then she apologized to me that I had to wait that much for that little girl. I've got shocked. Wtf??
- My father is a religious pentecostal. He acts many times as if he were a saint (the attitude) - and he does struggle to be good, usually. But screaming to his own from the deep of his lungs and imposing and looking hatefully, showing despise, hatred and intolerance towards other people yet does not escape him. And it is interesting that he indeed desires to do good and always believes that he is doing good. But I guess people often do evil thinking that it is actually good, or think that the evil they do will finally lead to a good thing for the other person, or simply do not allow themselves to consider some of their own behaviors/attitudes.
I have had enough of the hatred, despise, conceit, intolerance, and the stupid things people enjoy. And one of the most ridiculous thing is what very many people enjoy: things that fuel their pride/conceit, that gives them reasons to brag and feel superior to other people, e.g. the stupid place where they spent their stupid vacation, or the 'special' food they ate or the 'special' drink they drank (as if it could be something very special with a food or drink to deserve taking lots of pictures to it and showing to everybody else, bragging) or the stupid things they bought (now I'm speaking about expensive stuff which they bought, for which only the price they paid matters). And by knowing that they did these, they are bragging with them (as if they belong to the superior race for doing them), feeling more conceited and superior to other people (like those who cannot afford such thing). It's all stupid.
So, are human beings trully worth appreciating?
Also, when I'm hating everyone I see around, I just have the conviction/feeling that everyone is worth dying (in these cases, as I remember, not even the word "friend" exists anymore - but, again, this one happens very rarely, and as I remember, it's usually caused). The feeling seems to be something about worthiness. And when I say to myself that they are worth even less than cattle, it's because cattle, no matter how stupid they are, they don't hate one another, don't kill one another, don't bite one another, but they are always calm and peaceful, never thinking or desiring to harm their brethren. And if you look at the human beings, you will see people harming one another for no reason at all, or just for pleasure (eg it gives them reason to feel superior to their victims, or reasons to brag to other people about what they did), or for stupid reasons, and many of them feel nothing wrong about harming other people (or about provoking their death) if they would become richer or happier by doing it. We human beings are simply enemies of our own comunity/society/brethren, while cattle, reduced as they are, are much better than we are. And when I'm speaking about humanity or the "human beings", I also include myself there. That's because it's obvious that I can't be superior to everyone else. And I realize that everyone (including me) has his own faults, which makes him a bad person.
And I wish an end of the world to come. That would mean an end of sufferings of all the victims and poor people and all other people who suffer unjustly (ie without themselves being the reason) and also an end to all evil of all people that harm others. When all people will die, no one wil suffer anymore.
