Facebook, Social Phobia Hell

[Michel]

Ever since, for some unknown reason, I got a facebook account and even a lot of friends there (basically everyone I know from school and until now (I'm 24), excluding family), I can't stop checking in on it. Now I even got into the habit to post there although in the past I was just a lurker. Since then hell started. Every time when people I know comment on my posts I almost get a panic and want to see what they wrote. Man, this gets so ocd like. I don't have ocd but it's what I imagine it to be. But when someone posts acually something negative I fall into a fit. I can be in rage for hours or even days about some comment that could be perceived negatively. It's so frustrating.

Should I just delete my account? But then I won't have the last personal interactions I still have left. It seems like my Social Phobia is slowly eating everything under my feet, until it's all gone.

I can only feel anger and fear right now.

 

[HeadFace]

I used to be like that. I recommend you learn to simmer down, people can be difficult to handle and cruel, online. Personally I only use mine for communicating with people nowadays.
Though I do get very envious, whenever I see that two people I know or two of my passed friends hanging out, or post pics together. It makes me a bit depressed.

 

[superario]

I know what you're saying, man.

I have OCD and I constantly find myself rechecking and lurking and stalking on the internet. I obsessively check my inbox and when I see that I've got something, I'm anxious to know what it is. After I send something, I have to constantly go back to it and read it for some reason and I'm just always lurking. When people say something I will take it to heart, even if it's not that bad, it will haunt me. I constantly dwell on past events and get nervous about them even though they have gone by.

I wouldn't say deleting is the best solution. You don't want to run away from your problems or they'll get worse. Instead, find yourself a good coping mechanism and control the amount of time you're signing in. I know it's hard (trust me, I know it) but if you're there for social purposes then you must find a way to stay.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I have felt it too and I know how frustrating it is.

 

[Michel]

Instead, find yourself a good coping mechanism and control the amount of time you're signing in. I know it's hard (trust me, I know it) but if you're there for social purposes then you must find a way to stay.

Right now I just want to delete it. Yes, it's social but that's exactly the problem. I just want to get away from it, it's all I ever feel about social interactions. It's so messed up because at the same time all I want in life is some good friends an a mate. ****, I'm starting to cry right now. Why is this ****ing thing not letting me do what I want? I want it but I don't. This is all I feel. I want it so bad but actually having it would probably mean suffering. It's a paradox.

I never even could be happy in relationships that I so hard fought for. I always just wanted to awoid spending time as much as possible and then just meat up to have sex. It never lasted. It's so frustrating. You want it so bad, but when you have it you hate it and just want to get away from it. I feel crushed. I'm realizing that I'll probably be alone for the rest of my life. I'm used to it but I never had that relization ...

 

[superario]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way.

But you cannot continue to have this mindset if you want to get over your problems. It's realizations, the scary ones, that sometimes if the best medicine for these types of things. Think about it. If you're afraid of living the rest of your life miserable and alone, and just decide that it's a lost cause and no matter what you do, this will be the outcome then yeah, you're going to be miserable and alone. If you really don't want this (which I'm sure you don't) then you're going to have to decide for youself. "Okay, if I give up then this will really happen to me." If you don't want to be alone then don't be. Fix it. This may be the first step.

I'm sorry. I suck at advice and I don't mean to sound harsh or anything but the only way to guarantee you not being alone and miserable about it is doing something to stop it from happening. I realize this is an extreme challenge but it is the only way.

I wish you luck, my friend.

The world is a tough place to live in when nobody understands you.

 

[Michel]

I'll be miserable either way. Being alone or having people around me amounts to the same misery. And it's worse because I'm much more comfortable being alone. It just doesn't take any effort and you can be at least miserable in secret. People don't have to know. To be alone for me seems to be the most optimal state because it's at least the effortless way to the same misery. So I tend to isolate myself more and more from everything. I even stopped watching tv for 6 years or something because I can't even see other people without phobia kicking in. Internet is optimal, I love text! It's so inhuman. But it has so much power for communication w/ the interaction! I'd probably kill myself if it wasn't for reading. I need to communicate, it's so basic. But what happens when the only thing that's left are dead books? Well, it's probably good that they are dead because if they were alive I might get phobia again and that would make it even worse. So I choose being more and more isolated with communication that I can have and miserable, instead of being with people and being miserable. It seems the best choice is the easiest one.

This is all hell, facebook, life, being alone, not being alone. I'm just choosing what is least painful at this point. I'm just so overwhelmed by it.

 

[Nanita]

Michel I can really relate to your feelings and thoughts ....... You are absolutely not the only one!

I like being alone, it´s easier than being with people.
But then I don´t want to be totally alone either, I do want some social relations.
I think maybe I will be more and more alone and grow old alone, and the thought makes me both scared and peaceful....I don´t feel like doing all the stuff to prevent that from happening; keeping contact, staying in touch, being outgoing, I´m so bad at doing that and it brings so much pain, and I feel so out of touch with the reality that people seem to have.

I like the idea of me living in a forest, kind of like away from the civilization.. But I don´t want to be sad and bitter... I would want it to be like my own private paradise, a garden, growing vegetables, having some dogs... And maybe once in a while some human contact.

I want partnership and sex and I like living with someone that I love - but I think it´s too difficult and meaningless for me to be in a relationship, and I don´t know how to!

Facebook has caused trouble for me too. I have had an account for 5 years, and have deleted it (and reopened it) a couple of times because I kept getting jealous, sad, dissapointed, annoyed ... seeing people interacting and talking about lame stuff. I think the facebook concept is ridiculous, shallow and time consuming. So now I don´t use it so much anymore, I go there every other day, but I don´t write random stuff for everybody to see, only private messages to friends that I rarely see, we just stay in touch a little bit.

Anyway, I don´t know the conclusion or solution to all this. Just know that u are not the only one who experiences these kind of things.

 

[userremoved]

Yeah it is pretty bad. It gives you a taste of social interaction to keep you coming back, but theres no real fulfillment in it kinda like like social porn. I'm constantly checking that site, and getting a smart phone was a stupid idea because now I can check it anywhere. I would have deleted mine, but there's a few people I'd never see again that I like.

 

[Michel]

I like the idea of me living in a forest, kind of like away from the civilization.. But I don´t want to be sad and bitter... I would want it to be like my own private paradise, a garden, growing vegetables, having some dogs... And maybe once in a while some human contact.

I want partnership and sex and I like living with someone that I love - but I think it´s too difficult and meaningless for me to be in a relationship, and I don´t know how to!

Damn man, that's also something I have been thinking about a lot. But I think it will get so boring. And what would I do for money. I guess you can work from home at some jobs. I don't know, I see myself drifting in that kind of direction. I don't know, if it keeps going in this direction, will I be able to stop and change it? Will I want to? I don't even want to stop now, I'm totally isolated now. No job, nowhere to go, no friends around ... only people I don't want to see because I know that it would suck being with them. Even the thought of being with them makes me shiver. It's always like that. When I think do I want being around people? First response is always yes, but one second later then it's NO! then I think yes yes, but then again NONONO and then yesyesyes again. I want people but I HATE interactions! But if you can't have interactions, you can't have people. Paradox!

So I think over time I will understand that maybe I don't want people, maybe people are bad for me and I should not want them. Maybe something will change my mind to that. Then I will not try writing on this forum. I will stop trying to get what I don't want. Maybe I will start giving what I have and maybe people will start loving me, but I will not want them anymore. I will just give out of pure kindness whatever I have. Maybe people will start recognizing. But again, I'm still thinking out of a wanting mindset. I need to stop wanting and start having and giving. It's kind of interesting to find out what would happen. Almost like a religious thing? I guess it's maybe too far fetched and just common sense and normal human psychology. Humans want what they can't have and if I don't want them they can't have me either. So they will want me even more and I will be popular without even wanting to be with these people. Always solitary, always alone. Maybe at some point I will stop hating the interaction, but when and why? My feeling says get away from it.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

What about only adding people as friends that aren't going to make you feel bad? Either by what they say to youor what they post in general.

If they are posting pictures of fun times to which you were not invited, then why are you friends with them? If they say things that are unpleasant to you, why be friends? If what they say comes across as ambiguous to you and you're not close enough to be comfortable asking for clarification, then why be friends?

I see thread after thread here of people getting upset about FB. It's what you make of it. I don't expect too much from it. I don't think of it as a place for serious topics outside of the odd private message. I don't try to meet new people on it, though I'm told it's good for that. I damned sure don't add 'friends' for the sake of having a lot of 'friends'. That's a bad idea for several reasons, including basic safety.

I make the occasional comment on a friend's post. My very rare status updates are usually just a picture I took. Public conversations I try to keep light and I mostly just joke around or wish people a happy birthday. I have fun with it.

 

[fitftw]

everybody has a poison.

I'm on facebook more than 12 hours a day.

I am beyond obsessed. Yes it sucks pretty bad.

 

[userremoved]

I always get scared that important people are going to un-friend me,

I definitely have a problem with that. Whenever I see that blasted number go down, I always wonder who it was and what I did wrong this time. I'm trying to make a rule that if I can't tell right away who it was then it shouldn't matter.

 

[Michel]

Yea, you are all right. I guess I started this thread not to talk about facebook, but to express the way I feel. Facebook has become the only gateway to other people in my life. And now I'm considering to cut off because all I can feel for it honestly, is anger and frustration. It's not fun. 90% of people I have added there are people I have not seen for years and even before I rarely even spoken to. Usually, you forget all your school mates after school. It's like I can't forget. Honestly, I have only 1 friend in this world. He is a social butterfly and always on facebook. I know all his friends but I'm not close with them. So if I go away they will think I'm weird. If I stay it's hell. If I get rid of the 90% I will look weird for losing so many friends over night. Ah **** it, I'll just try minimizing it as much as I can. I honestly don't even see any sense in it. Facebook seems like it supposed to be a chance to meet people in real life. That is something I'm trying to avoid, not conjure up.

 

[Michel]

I definitely have a problem with that. Whenever I see that blasted number go down, I always wonder who it was and what I did wrong this time. I'm trying to make a rule that if I can't tell right away who it was then it shouldn't matter.

There is a greasemonkey plugin called 'unfrieds' and it shows you exactly that. Keeps my mind in peace every day.
Here's the link.
http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/58852
You need greasemonkey for firefox.

 

[userremoved]

There is a greasemonkey plugin called 'unfrieds' and it shows you exactly that. Keeps my mind in peace every day.
Here's the link.
Unfriend Finder for Greasemonkey
You need greasemonkey for firefox.

Lol I wanna do it...but I feel like I'll be opening Pandoras Box

 

[mikebird]

Ever since, for some unknown reason, I got a facebook account and even a lot of friends there (basically everyone I know from school and until now (I'm 24), excluding family), I can't stop checking in on it. Now I even got into the habit to post there although in the past I was just a lurker. Since then hell started. Every time when people I know comment on my posts I almost get a panic and want to see what they wrote. Man, this gets so ocd like. I don't have ocd but it's what I imagine it to be. But when someone posts acually something negative I fall into a fit. I can be in rage for hours or even days about some comment that could be perceived negatively. It's so frustrating.

Should I just delete my account? But then I won't have the last personal interactions I still have left. It seems like my Social Phobia is slowly eating everything under my feet, until it's all gone.

I can only feel anger and fear right now.

It's time to get a big, confident, successful mate to become a member of the forum, and track my posts, and tell me what I'm like

 

[Phoenixx]

I recently just got a Facebook again (after deleting mine back in Dec.) and I keep finding myself checking it multiple times a day. It's so fast to get addicted to that site, and I have no idea why. I try to keep away from it as much as I can though. I don't play games on it not nearly as much as I used to, and I really only check to see if I have comments, friend requests, events, and just to see people's statuses (because I can be nosy like that. :. But I hardly ever update my status or anything for that matter.

 

[Michel]

It's time to get a big, confident, successful mate to become a member of the forum, and track my posts, and tell me what I'm like

What??? I can't understand, what are you saying?

 

[coyote]

I definitely have a problem with that. Whenever I see that blasted number go down, I always wonder who it was and what I did wrong this time. I'm trying to make a rule that if I can't tell right away who it was then it shouldn't matter.

better yet - don't even look at it

why should that number matter?

I'm not sure why everyone has created all of these arbitrary "rules" for themselves about what is acceptable on Facebook

number of friends, how often people post on your wall, how often people comment on your posts, how many 'likes" you get, how many photos you have, etc...

it's hard for me to understand, because there aren't any rules, and there's no real reason to create these standards if they're only going to cause you to feel bad about yourself

Facebook is for sharing yourself - it works the same as in real life - the more you share of yourself and the more interest you show in what other people share about themselves, then the more interest they will show in return.

Unless you have something that other people want - fame, wealth, beauty, status, power, etc. Then people just glom onto you because they think that will make them more attractive as well.

You can't be the life of the party by sitting alone in the corner not talking to anyone. Or conversely, if you would rather sit alone in the corner and not talk to someone, you shouldn't expect to be the life of the party.

Just get out there and have fun - and don't worry too much about what everyone else thinks - do it for yourself, because it's fun for you. i doubt anyone else is keeping track of what you're doing as much as you think.

The cool thing about Facebook is that it allows you the opportunity to be social, without putting yourself in any immediate risk.

 

[userremoved]

better yet - don't even look at it

why should that number matter?

I'm not sure why everyone has created all of these arbitrary "rules" for themselves about what is acceptable on Facebook

number of friends, how often people post on your wall, how often people comment on your posts, how many 'likes" you get, how many photos you have, etc...

it's hard for me to understand, because there aren't any rules, and there's no real reason to create these standards if they're only going to cause you to feel bad about yourself

Facebook is for sharing yourself - it works the same as in real life - the more you share of yourself and the more interest you show in what other people share about themselves, then the more interest they will show in return.

Unless you have something that other people want - fame, wealth, beauty, status, power, etc. Then people just glom onto you because they think that will make them more attractive as well.

You can't be the life of the party by sitting alone in the corner not talking to anyone. Or conversely, if you would rather sit alone in the corner and not talk to someone, you shouldn't expect to be the life of the party.

Just get out there and have fun - and don't worry too much about what everyone else thinks - do it for yourself, because it's fun for you. i doubt anyone else is keeping track of what you're doing as much as you think.

The cool thing about Facebook is that it allows you the opportunity to be social, without putting yourself in any immediate risk.

I think you misunderstand, its not how many friends I have, its the question of why someone would delete me. Thats where the paranoia comes in. I'm always self conscious that I might be annoying on there or maybe someone from college heard something bad about me.