I am 32 and never had a date. I can't approach women. It takes alot of guts to say this but when i was 16 I asked a girl out for the first time and i wrote a note to her that i thought she would like. She reacted badly and accussed me of stalking her. It took everything I had to do it in the first place. I have OCD so I never forgot it and to this day I have never asked a woman out for a date EVER. I like women but i have no urge to ask them out because of what happened the first time. I even get jealous of my friends having girlfriends. Is there any help for me at all.
can't approach women
- Thread starter mrbryan3
- Start date
^ Not really helpful to the OP DimBulb.
I wish I knew the answer, it's something I'm sure affects a lot of us SA sufferers. I think my approach would be with any other form of anxiety, and thats exposure. I don't mean go up to a group of women and say "who wants a date ladies", (not at first anyway
). Just tiny steps, surrounding yourself with women. Then talking to them. Then getting to know them. If you feel strongly enough about them I think you'll be able to go for that ever elusive date, perhaps you just haven't let yourself feel that way up until now? just a thought
I wish I knew the answer, it's something I'm sure affects a lot of us SA sufferers. I think my approach would be with any other form of anxiety, and thats exposure. I don't mean go up to a group of women and say "who wants a date ladies", (not at first anyway
). Just tiny steps, surrounding yourself with women. Then talking to them. Then getting to know them. If you feel strongly enough about them I think you'll be able to go for that ever elusive date, perhaps you just haven't let yourself feel that way up until now? just a thoughtBittersweet
Well-known member
I can understand how hard it is for you to ever risk that kind of rejection again. I've been humiliated in romantic situations and it's unbelievably painful.
What that girl did was cruel, and it says more about her lack of maturity and understanding than it does about you.
Most women have matured enough since high school and would be much more respectful and tactful.
Twiggle gave great advice about taking small steps.
Do you have any understanding friends you could possibly practice your approach with?
Then you could work on it until you stop taking their answer as a personal reflection on your worth as a person and a man.
What that girl did was cruel, and it says more about her lack of maturity and understanding than it does about you.
Most women have matured enough since high school and would be much more respectful and tactful.
Twiggle gave great advice about taking small steps.
Do you have any understanding friends you could possibly practice your approach with?
Then you could work on it until you stop taking their answer as a personal reflection on your worth as a person and a man.
emre43
Well-known member
I'm still only 21 but not only have I never had a date but I've never even been able to ask a girl on one. I'm currently receiving counselling though and it's working wonders for me and gradually building my confidence up. I have a gritty determination to see this through and come out the other side. I'm never going to give up on this and you shouldn't either.
emre43
Well-known member
Well, this is the last time I visit this forum. I'm not going to allow other people get me into this mindset. Bye everyone I'm off to try and make something of my life. It's been nice speaking to some of you.
emre43
Well-known member
I'm not insinuating anything. But I'm a positive, determined person who wants to recover. People who put negative thoughts across don't help me at all. I've got no wife, no girlfriend, no house, no job, no kids, no friends and my family don't want to know but I'm not going to mope around spouting negative comments and bring other people's moods down for the sake of it. I'll just get on with life with a smile on my face. I've got to cope with all of this at the tender age of 21. I'm sorry if I offended you or anybody else. I know that the forum is generally a positive place but I can't be bothered with people who bring the mood down with pointless, non-constructive, negative comments. I had just posted a pretty positive message directly above drganon's post with the aim of helping people and spreading positivity. Drganon then nonchalantly replied by more-or-less saying "na don't bother you'll fail". I just don't see the point in comments like this. It's a massive cliche but if you've got nothing positive to say don't say anything at all.
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don't think of it as approaching a stranger. just approach them as a friend, talk to them as a friend, and work up your courage to ask them out later on. You think you are not able to do it, but you would be surprised what you are capable of doing. When you meet the right woman, she will make it easy for you to ask her out, trust me. But practice helps. I find that talking to girls I don't really like that much, helps me talk to the ones that I really like. It's a gradual process, that just gets easier and easier.
emre43
Well-known member
You're right since joining this forum it has helped things and I probably jumped-the-gun a little bit when I said I'll leave. I just get wound up and can't comprehend people spreading negative vibes around just for the sake of saying it. I can understand if somebody is feeling depressed and looking for some support. Their cry for help is naturally going to be negative but they're posting it for a reason. It's the comments that are unnecessary and completely pointless that I find difficult to understand.
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coyote
Well-known member
[as a side note, please remember that just because someone posts something right after your post, it isn't necessarily a response to what YOU posted - they may very well be posting their thoughts to the the thread in general
a sure give away that someone is responding to your post specifically is when they quote you or use the little carrot symbol (^)]
a sure give away that someone is responding to your post specifically is when they quote you or use the little carrot symbol (^)]
we_r_eternal
Well-known member
the first question that i think you should ask yourself is "were you stalking her?" because though teens can exaggerate situations and be more cruel than adults with rejection, most girls won't just outright lie when making an accusation like that.. i think you should evaluate what you might've said or did (even just staring longingly in class) that would've called for such a negative and drastic response from her.. and in the future don't repeat any behaviors from that scenario...
emre43
Well-known member
I know. That wasn't really the point that I was making though. The point was that the guy who started this thread was basically looking for support and myself and others tried to offer that and someone just comes a long and says "don't even bother trying, there's no point; just dig a big hole and give up". I'm sorry that I am uptight on the issue but some people, I'm sure, will be influenced by comments like this and think "He's right what's the point in wasting my energy, I'm just gonna give up". I couldn't care less if he was replying to me or not - I just get angered by comments like that.
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coyote
Well-known member
i know, it's very frustrating
maybe that poster is looking for help, too
and that's the only way he knows how to express himself
it's good to have people like yourself around who can set a positive example for the rest of us
Bittersweet
Well-known member
It's not realistic to expect only positive responses to threads.
If you find a particular comment negative, simply choose to disregard it. Spending time pointing it out, analyzing it and criticizing it actually gives it more attention and weight than it deserves.
If you find a particular comment negative, simply choose to disregard it. Spending time pointing it out, analyzing it and criticizing it actually gives it more attention and weight than it deserves.
emre43
Well-known member
I'm not expecting 100% positivity but I just cannot for the life of me understand the need for comments like the one above. As I said above, I'm naturally a determined person and I won't give up on anything on a whim. I don't like it when the words 'give' and 'up' follow each other in a sentence. It goes against everything that I am about. I'm passionate about not only recovering myself but I don't want other people to be going through the same thing as me and I care about the people on this forum. I'm not saying that every comment is going to be positive but if needless comments like the one above were eradicated it would be an improvement to this forum.